How to handle a 2.5 year old refusing most evening meals?

[Summersun91]

Need advice on my 2.5 year old’s evening meals. The only thing she will eat is fishfingers, chips and peas, or pizza. I just don’t know how to manage this - do I just let her go to bed without eating anything?(she has milk before bed). Or do I let her have a yoghurt? I’ve never offered her a separate meal (and not prepared to do this).

She eats everything at nursery and also veg pasta with sauce at my parents house (won’t eat the exact same meal at home). She eats breakfast and lunch, and we usually have pizza one evening a week, so with that and nursery we are talking 4 evenings a week when she doesn’t eat anything. I am not concerned about her weight, it’s more I don’t know what is an appropriate approach and whether she’ll be hungry (or if that’s ok at this age)?

Other relevant points:

• afternoon snack (if she asks) is usually an apple around 3.00
• I always try and put something I know she likes in the meal or on the side (eg she likes mushrooms so I put them in a lot of meals, or I put grated cheese on the side) but she refuses to eat anything, even the foods I know she likes
• I’ve tried getting her to help me prep and cook the meal which she likes doing, but still won’t eat it
• Pudding is the choice of fruit or yoghurt
• She has never been a good eater - she ate nothing but yoghurt the first 2 months of weaning, and only really improved when she started nursery at 11 months. But she’s always been very hit and miss with evening meals

interested to hear what approach others would take, thanks

I would offer the meal like you do with something she likes and make no comment on what she eats or doesn’t and then offer fruit/yoghurt after no matter what.

dont turn it into a battle of wills (you wont win!) especially if she eats fine the rest of the day

One of my kids was like this and the way we did it was to separate everything into serving bowls including one or two things she liked (usually cucumber and cherry tomatoes or bread and butter) and let her serve herself, and then just not comment on what she had. Like yours I knew she ate well the rest of the time - I made sure she had a big bowl of porridge with cream, nuts/peanut butter and berries/apple/banana every morning and she’d eat at nursery, so I think often just wasn’t that hungry late in the day.

My eldest is a fantastic eater and she’s not quite at his level now (at 5yo) but will make more of an attempt at trying new things, and she’s very tall, healthy and active so is getting nutrients somewhere!

ETA I refuse to make special meals - would always just offer what the rest of us were eating.

Offer her the same food you eat, let her choose how much she takes. Don't make the pizza/fish fingers option or any other special food.

She can have yogurt, fruit, brown toast after the meal.

It's really common for young children to not eat much at dinner time. She's probably eating the beige food because it's tasty, but she's not really hungry so can't be bothered with the healthy meals. So long as she's had something (fruit/yogurt/whatever) and she's not waking up hungry, she's fine. Just focus on getting as much nutrition as possible into breakfast, lunch and snacks.

My son's 7 and has always been a good eater, but he still favours breakfast and lunch over dinner and if he's tired or coming down with something he often just won't eat it (unless it's junk lol).

Oh I do sometimes offer cereal with milk (Weetabix or Shreddies) if I think mine needs something before bed but he won't eat dinner.

Just keep offering the meals. Make sure she’s not over tired at that point, but also make sure she’s eating a good, filling, and nutritious lunch. Some very young children need their main meal at lunchtime. When you say milk at bedtime, I presume you mean a beaker?

My LO is the opposite in that she won’t eat breakfast at all and very little lunch but has loads at dinner. I’ve decided just to go with it . She isn’t underweight so I offer her breakfast and lunch and if she eats some great if not I don’t comment. I do find it frustrating though. On a good day she will have half a banana at breakfast and 2 spoons of tuna pasta for lunch but then loads of dinner and eats a good variety at dinner so I know she is getting at least one good meal a day

Sometimes mine won't eat in the evening because he's too tired, so you could try the cooked meal at lunchtime and a snack plate/sandwich for tea?

Are you me? 😆
Honestly my LO also 2.5 is the exact same.
sometimes even me saying tonight we are having chilli or similar, she will say I don’t want that and will not even entertain eating it.
I was getting a bit stressed with it all but I know there are times when she will eat me out of house and home when hungry, so I am trying to just let her get on with it 🙈 it’s really hard though, you have my sympathy!

Don’t stress don’t get into battles cereal is great

Mine is 21 months and barely eats after nursery most days, but occasionally eats a huge amount and surprises us. We try to persuade DC to try a nibble of one or two different things from what we are eating, and then don't put any more pressure on. Tonight, "dinner" was a 10p size piece of mozzarella, half a filled pasta piece, a very small grated carrot/oat muffin and 50ml milk. But they ate a vegetarian cottage pie portion for lunch at nursery so I assume they are fine.

What time is dinner? My DC are older now but still have dinner at 4pm as anything later is a write off.

The least fuss made the better OP ( not saying that you are doing that).

What time are you offering her tea? Perhaps it’s too early? Or too late?

Thanks all for the replies. It’s really helpful to hear from others. So it seems like the best option is to just not say anything and offer fruit/yoghurt as usual.

This is something to consider as well thanks. I think I’ll wait until she’s a bit older just from a practical perspective of helping herself but it does sound like a good option for some meals

Thanks yes this is what I’ve been trying to do but her veg intake is low as hard to get that in earlier in the day. She did used to eat soup ok for lunch which was helpful but now she’ll only eat mushroom soup which is not so helpful!

Thanks, this is sensible. The problem at lunch is I usually have less time so I’m more limited with options so it’s usually soup /sandwich, and I try to add picky bits like cucumber and avocado.
And yes, she just has a cup of milk before bed.

I am in a similar boat with my 4yo.
We encourage her to try the food whilst we are all sitting at the table- if she tries it but genuinely seems to not like it and it's a one part meal (eg tonight was some chow mein) will then offer her an alternative.
If it is something she usually eats, or is a meal with say 3 parts (protein, carb, veg)
but won't eat any of it and seems to be just trying it on abit and being funny, I tend to offer her fruit and then a yoghurt then a savoury carb snack later on near bedtime (toast/crumpet/bagel/sandwich etc)
I find if everytime she thinks she can have that instead straight after, she will automatically decline the meal, hence the gap.
We wouldn't ever send her to bed hungry though without having eaten something relatively filling, as it's a long gap til breakfast.
Unfortunately she eats most at lunch, so getting enough into her at evening meals can be tricky.

This is it, just trying to curb my frustration and telling myself not to care!

Thanks, I hadn’t thought of her being too tired to eat, it’s quite possible as it’s got worse since she dropped her nap.
However not sure practically how I’d manage a cooked meal at lunch time unless I reheated last night’s meal, but then she’d be eating something different to us and just want what we are eating! It is something to try though when I have the opportunity (eg on the odd occasion we are not eating with her)

Thanks, it’s been a struggle for the last 2 years ever since I started weaning and I try really hard not to let it stress me out but it does get to me on occasion!

Ah I don’t even attempt to try and feed her a meal after nursery, I just give her a breadstick or an apple or something if she asks!

Mine has been like this since that age. Not as bad, but will only eat variations of pasta, beige food (which we limit to once a week when we are eating something they can't), or rarely other dishes. He has a large breakfast (porridge, toast, Multigrain cereal, weetabix etc and fruit, often a second helping at nursery if he gets there early). Then a hot nutritious lunch at nursery, plus small snack and afternoon tea there at 3.30. I figure when he gets home he's probably not that hungry so we offer what we are having and 75% of the time he won't eat it, he can then have fruit and a yogurt for supper or brown toast if he didnt eat much for his nursery tea and may be hungry. I don't make another meal, I just calmly say this is what we are all eating and dont make a fuss either way. I try and do vegetables that he may eat. It's a little better on non nursery days but again if he eats large meals during the day he often doesn't want dinner. We only usually offer fruit or yoghurt for snacks, maybe a couple of biscuits or babybel. I'm wondering if things will change a little when they go to school and may eat less at lunch/be hungrier at dinner.

Dinner is 5.00, bath at 6.00 and bed at 7.00.
i don’t know how I’d be able to fit it in any earlier than 5, and my husband only just finishes work in time for eating at 5! However it’s something I can try on the odd occasion we aren’t eating with her.