2 year old terrorising us

[Wildchildno2]

When I fell pregnant with our second we, foolishly, expected another just like our first. How wrong we were!

Our eldest has just turned 6 & the youngest has just turned 2 and is wild!

Lately he has decided that the funniest and most amusing thing he can do is terrorise his brother, or us. This morning in bed with us he grabbed a little IKEA wooden stool and launched it at his dad. He runs at his brother, scratches him and runs off. He throws things at him all the time! He's strong willed by nature, the type that will throw himself on the ground rather than let you pick him up if it's time to go etc

What do we actually do? Obviously he's only 2, he knows what he's done is wrong but to him it's a game and he laughs!

I have been prioritising comforting my eldest and separating them when it happen but it's just all the time, and now the eldest retaliates which just fuels the youngest even more.

Help! Two boys aren't for the weak!

Well, what discipline are you using with DS2?

You need to think ABC: A for antecedent (what happened before he threw the stool/scratches his brother), B for behaviour (does he intend to hurt or is it for attention) and C for consequence- what did DS2 do afterward and how you reacted.

How is his communication? Can he speak and be understood?

Change the environment. Remove all things that can be thrown .

Well that's the thing. I'm not sure how we can discipline him! Our eldest wouldn't hurt a fly. We tell him we don't do that and we take away whatever it's thrown.

He doesn't talk much, no, but he understands everything perfectly and communicates with the few words he does have.

Im not sure why he does it but he definitely gets a kick out of it because he runs away grinning after he's done it!

He'll throw everything. Just this minute he's launched his new toothbrush at the cat.

You need to get on top of this now.
stop being wet and give up the whole "what can Iiiiiiiiii do?" Routine.

He's 2

Remove the chair.
Get a small baby pen and give him time outs or get a stair gate and put it on the door for a room. Or take him to the stairs and keep him there. Take him to the bathroom if you must
Keep nails short
Remove objects EVERY. TIME.
Remove your 2 yr old EVERY. TIME.
If there a day 2 day objects he uses as weapons childproof your house

No emotion. no therapy sessions. Just boring and neutral.

In the moment:

'NO. You don't hurt DS/Daddy etc' and then remove to a time out (or a no attention time in if you prefer). Not shouting, but using a firm, no nonsense voice. No attention beyond this short sentence and removing him.

The rest of the time give him lots of praise for any good/gentle/helpful/kind behaviour. You want to be praising him at least twice as much as you're telling him off. Sometimes this means praising for ridiculous things like 'oh you're sitting on the sofa so nicely' or 'you walked past DS really gently then'. Just find a way to make the overall message of the day a positive one, this will help everyone's morale.

Look for what triggers this behaviour. It could be overwhelm, boredom, tiredness, attention seeking, frustration, hunger, thirst, fear/being unsettled or a combination of any of these. Try and take a step back and see if you can isolate his triggers and get ahead of them. At this age he can't do this for himself so he's reliant on you doing it for him for the behaviour to change. Explain this to him as you go and as he gets older he will have the language and skill set to self regulate (although not for another few years realistically).

Down at eye level.
Remove the toothbrush.
Give a firm No.
Post event - Neutral face and no warm / cold eye contact go about your business.

Yep this is what we do. He grins 😳

Then off he goes to boring AF time out.
No eye contact no input.

Punish him - albeit appropriately - when he does something he shouldn't. At the moment he's getting away with bad behaviour, so of course he thinks it's a fun game.

If it’s any comfort our nearly 2yr old is similar. She’s not a hitter but she does throw and tip her water cup everywhere and pretty much laughs in my face when I firmly tell her no. I think it’s a phase and consistency is key. We just remove the object and distract with something else and really praise good behaviour. Just keep going and we can gradually increase the consequences as time goes on.

i don’t think at just 2 they understand what they’re doing fully. Like I don’t think they think if I throw this it will hurt the other person and they will feel sad. I don’t think he’s purposely terrorising you, he either has energy to burn, enjoys the reaction or it’s a sensory/developmental thing. It sounds like he just loves throwing, do you have anything he can throw? So instead of telling him we don’t do that, tell him what he can do.
For example can you say we don’t throw toothbrushes, but we can throw this ball/teddy/whatever, How far down the hall can you get it, and then play together doing that, to make throwing safe things with you more appealing than toothbrushes. That competitiveness might distract your eldest from other retaliation too. It won’t work everytime obviously.

I actually think it’s good when they grin or laugh when you say no or try to be firm with them. I always hear on here get down to their level and be stern, my 2yo doesn’t give a shit. But I like that she’s not afraid of me. I only cared about ‘stern look, stern no’ because I the next step if I didn’t listen was dysfunctional and damaging.