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12 Year old rigid routines with cutlery/plates triggering concerning behaviour?

3 replies

LewDSB1 · 19/03/2026 13:10

Hi,
I was just looking for some advice for my 12 year old son whose showing a few signs recently and I’m not sure if it’s normal/part of growing up or possibly something deeper
He has started to show a few behaviours i am not used to:
1: He has to have his own knife, fork, spoon. He will not use any cutlery or plate that’s been used by someone. I’ve had to order his own. I think it’s if he’s seen people use them it must trigger something. He will eat in a restaurant but this is at his homes. Yesterday he didn’t believe I gave him his own spoon and panicked going to the draw to make sure I’d used “his own”
2: He has to sit on the table seat/direction when he eats. He does the same at his other parents house. He doesn’t like looking at all the pictures facing him on the wall
3: There have also been a few increased signs of aggression. Boys will naturally fight but in the last 3-4 months there have been increasingly worrying outcomes; he held his 9 year old brothers heads under the bath water for about 4-6 seconds and also nipped and then pushed his step sister to the floor (which was even more surprising as that completely pushed beyond the blended family boundary
Was hoping for some advice and thank you

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Senmum2026 · 19/03/2026 13:16

Sounds like OCD.

What is the cause of the fights? Holding someone under water is very worrying.

HellenicOfTroy · 19/03/2026 13:22

I think you have two separate (but possibly related) issues here.

I'm sort of surprised that you didn't lead with the dangerous agression towards his siblings, which seems a lot more worrying tbh. What happend on this on terms of consequences/explanation from him?

What does he say about the cutlery issues? Does anyone else in the family model that sort of behaviour?

LewDSB1 · 19/03/2026 14:05

Senmum2026 · 19/03/2026 13:16

Sounds like OCD.

What is the cause of the fights? Holding someone under water is very worrying.

Agreed on the water.

the fights going back 3 years user to be more the other way around. The younger son hitting the elder son. But what became clear was the elder son was being cruel and winding the younger up. So; the younger would eventually hit and the elder would cry and make a scene of it

now it’s more the elder who will just snap if they have disagreements and lashes out

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