To go back to toddler group after being shouted at?

[Louise3562]

I’ve been going to a toddler group for over a year now every week with my 2 year old. It’s one where you sit in a circle and the kids play and do activities in the middle. A few new people have started recently and one of them shouted in my face yesterday.

My son has been attached to my lap and has only just built the confidence to stand and take part in the activities and dance etc. Yesterday whilst taking part and dancing around he accidentally bumped into one of the newish little girls, who then fell into another. I apologised to both carers and took my son away from them. The grandmother of the little girl he initially bumped into took the girl to her husband whilst I apologised again to the other little girl, who’s mum said accidents happen don’t worry. The grandmother then marched back over and shouted in my face “you need to control your child - he’s horrible”. I should have responded but I was so shocked and upset I couldn’t at the time. She then returned to her seat and kept whispering to the person next to her and giving me filthy looks. I spent the rest of the session on edge, holding back tears and holding onto my son not letting him take part properly in case he went near her or her granddaughter.

I could understand if this wasn’t an accident or if he was always running around and bumping into others or was disruptive/aggressive constantly etc but he isn’t. We’ve seen numerous incidents each week where kids bump heads or even hit and kick others and the parents apologise and that’s that. I’ve never seen anyone get shouted at or told to control their child. A couple of the other mums nearby asked if they heard correctly what the woman said as they couldn’t believe someone would say that.

I’m now trying to decide whether to go back as I don’t want to feel uncomfortable each week or feel like my son can’t take part and enjoy himself without worrying if the woman is going to shout at me again. She also has family members and friends that attend with their children so assume she would have spoken badly about me to them too. I spoke to the lady who runs it, who is lovely and was apologetic that someone could say that as she knows that’s not a reflection of my son. She asked if she should speak to the woman but I wasn’t sure what she could say without it escalating and making it worse so I said not to.

What would you do in this situation? Would you return or find something else to do each week? It’s quite pricy so I don’t want to fork out on something both my son and I aren’t going to enjoy.

Thanks!

Dont let this horrible woman bully you and your son. Please keep going

Definitely go back…head high, shoulders back with the best smile you can muster! Enjoy making memories with your child….IGNORE THE BULLIES…🤗x

Well the right answer would be to keep going and not let this woman bully you. Depends on how you feel and what sort of person you are.
However if it was me I would never go back because I am a shy introvert and would do anything to avoid confrontation.

Keep going and ignore her.

That sounds awful and she sounds a complete cow. I think I would speak to the leader/organiser again and ask her to speak to the woman. She shouldn't be allowed to behave in this way.

Please keep going. It was an accident. And even if it wasn't, honestly, kids push and knock each other, that's normal. That's a risk you take in bringing your kid to a toddler group!

Of course you should go back. Don’t be pushed out by a new person, especially when your son didn’t actually do anything wrong and it sounds like you have been lovely by apologising to everyone.

Agreed! Just keep going and try not to think about this incident any more. It sometimes helps to assume the best of the person who was grumpy- ie in this case that the granny was having a really bad day or her kid had been being bullied at nursery so she was extra sensitive. Whether or not there is some explanation like that, assuming there is can sometimes help the incident take up less space in your head!

To add a slightly different perspective, it's really damaging for a toddler to hear someone yell and speak poorly of them in front of them.

Absolutely go back if you both enjoy it, but you can't have him treated like that again. If it happens another time you either need to remove him from the setting immediately and explain to him it wasn't his fault, or tell her the behaviour is inappropriate and tell your son it wasn't his fault. To limit his interactions afterwards reinforces that he was "horrible" and to blame to him.

I'd go back and ignore those other people. The class leader is supporting you - I would have agreed with her speaking to them and making it clear that their behaviour was inappropriate. I would expect her to say that speaking to other adults in that way is not acceptable, and neither is speaking about a child like that. And that any repeat of that sort of behaviour would lead to them being removed from the class. Any decently well organised paid-for activity should have a clause like that in their terms and conditions.

Go back! This stuff happens loads at toddler groups - she needs to get a grip. What is she going to do when her precious GC goes to school?

Please don’t stop going because one person was so vile and ridiculous. Toddlers are well known for being wobbly on their feet and accidents will happen. She’s embarrassed herself by being so dramatic. Go along, you and your ds enjoy yourselves, and if she starts on you again then the lady who runs it will need to intervene and make it clear that nasty behaviour won’t be tolerated.

@Louise3562 try and go back. Maybe speak to the Leader again and say you're feeling very hesitant - I’m sure she will keep an eye on this new person. You’ve been happily going for ages so clearly your son isn’t a problem - don’t let the new people push you out.

Of course you go back, your son did nothing wrong, to call a child horrible is awful. These things happen all the time!

The grandparents need to realise their precious grandchild isn’t made of glass

I agree with everyone else. Go back; the leader clearly supports you and I would imagine everyone looking on will have been mildly horrified by this woman's behaviour. It's about her, not you.

Absolutely don't stop attending! It sounds like the organiser has your back, and I bet most of the other people who witnessed the scene would have worked out that she was in the wrong, and not you/your son.

I was also shouted at by a mum at toddler group - and in this case it was because DD1 had come to blows with another child over a toy, and tried to bite her. Not surprising the mum was unhappy with me (I shouldn't have taken my eyes off DD1, who was going through a slightly combative phase), and I wouldn't have had a problem if she'd just quietly had a word, but she shouted that she was a "nasty little girl" - a completely unacceptable way to describe a 2yo. This was a toddler group I had attended for a long time, but I was quite upset. The organiser immediately came over to reassure me that DD1 was welcome to come back (and I did....I can't remember seeing the other mum very often, but we just ignored each other). Incidents like this will always happen when a group of toddlers come together, and it should be dealt with quietly/firmly....no shouting at parents or insulting 2yo children is ever justified.

I’d have turned to her husband and said the same to him about his wife !

I will never understand how any grown adult can take offence to a toddler. It is just so uneducated and completely ridiculous. Sadly there are many adults like this, I was shouted at, at a playgroup because my 2.4year old touched someone's water bottle. It was a horrible experience. This so called "carer" bad mouthed me to others and still continues to do so. It is not too difficult to see where children get their bad examples from. I was also out today when another silly woman gave my son a row for touching a twig on a wall and demanded he put it back. Again you couldn't really make these people up. I find it truly bewildering. I have managed to live my whole life without giving another child a row, but it seems to come so easily to some people.

This

Go back. And go back prepared to deal with this lady at the time if she does something similar. Use it as practice for learning how to firmly and publicly deal with bullies like this- its important your son sees this- so he knows you can advocate for him and so he also learns how to deal with bullies.

'Please step back. What happened was an accident. Please don't be so rude- I will not allow you to speak to me or my son like that.'

Then have the leader speak to the lady.

I know its hard but I honestly think you need to push yourself with this.

This woman should be banned from attending, completely unacceptable and inappropriate behaviour. These groups are also for supporting mums, she’s a grandmother it’s not as important she attends. It’s a shame for the child but it’s the adults fault, put the whole granny in the bin!