Struggling with my 12-year-old son’s rude behaviour and how I feel

[AngelFizz]

This is going to sound awful but I’m really starting to dislike my son, he is 12 and his behaviour is awful, he’s been rude to me all weekend including today which is Mother’s Day, didn’t get a single thing never mind even a happy Mother’s Day, that doesn’t bother me but it’s more how vile and rude he has been to me. He doesn’t see his father but sometimes I wish he was involved so I could send him off there to get some space away from him! Has anyone ever been in this situation?

What are you doing about it? Presume switch WiFi off, no gaming, no phone etc?

Back to basics, good behaviour earns nice things.

Yes I took the phone away but doesn’t change his attitude so that’s not the solution tbh

Do you give him pocket money?
Can you pinpoint the behaviour? Since starting high school/ new friends?
What does he do in his spare time?

No he doesn’t get pocket money he gets Robux once a week but that’s all he asks for. No hes been this way for a while so I don’t think it’s that and he is only year 7. Been tricky for the last 2 years I would say

Well it needs to be away long enough for him to have a change of heart. And if that's not working then the game station goes too. You get one shot at this OP. You want him to be kind and considerate and to understand that treating people like shit has negative consequences. You don't want one of those over indulged idiots from the manosphere being your greatest creation.
But I say that with empathy knowing it's hard on your own and having to listen to them when they don't have the tech can feel more of a punishment to you in the moment

I have had some success (albeit with slightly younger kids) with telling them that you are going to treat them the way they treat you and give them a chance to see what it's like to be on the receiving end of it. Mine lasted less than 15 minutes before the penny dropped.

yeah I tell him off and he is really sorry until the next day when he’s completely forgot about it. It never lasts

I have girl that age and in her case it never lasts either. So we repeat it. Sometimes several times a day, the same thing. It feels demented but what else can you do?

She can be rude and angry but we push back on it and if it goes beyond acceptable she gets a warning and then consequences. Usually around screen time. It’s hard work and there’s two of us. I hope eventually she’ll turn into a reasonable adult. She certainly behaves well in school and with other parents.

Exactly he is nice as pie for a day or two then back to the same thing. Today he has refused to go to school, he does every morning so he’s always late, when he is finally there he refuses to go to lessons. I’m sick of his school calling me in for meetings. I’ve had two calls home by 2 different teachers to tell me he is rude to them. When I tell him off he denies being rude to them.

I agree with Callisto1. You have to address it. Every. Single. Time. Just like when they were toddlers.

It is not acceptable behaviour, so you have to stop him, "Excuse me , I will not be spoken to disrespectfully. Please apologies. I love you far too much to let you grow up as an idiot . You are not an idiot, but if you behave like one, you will become one." Speak firmly, it's all about the tone - never shout, but make your tone steely. And be prepared to do it a billion times. It is worth it - pay now or pay later.

Does he do any sports? I have boys aged 12 & 14, sports have been really helpful over the last couple of years for teaching them discipline, learning to follow orders, and seeing positive male role models. And giving them a focus, and making them too tired to fight with me all the time...

No unfortunately he doesn’t like sports