10 year old girl and appearance

[Mich1986]

What age did your daughters start becoming aware of their changing bodies and appearance?

My just turned 10 year old is wanting to wear make up and straighten hair daily, i let her wear a bit of lip balm, but have told her she is a little young for other make up at the moment, she is also wanting her hair straightened every day, I have done it a couple of times, but not doing it every day.

Today she had a vest top on and was stood in the mirror squeezing the side of her waist and saying am I skinny. I don’t remember being like this at 10 and it worries me, I remember the pressure when I was a young teen in the late 90s.

Is this just normal at this age and how is the best way to respond to this?

Is your issue the time/energy spent by women in general or the fact you want her to do it a bit later?

You only have three options really - you both try to resist social pressure, you take the 'when you're older' line, or you let her copy you with things like straightening whenever she decides this is what women do.

How much time do you spend on your looks?

Some girls like playing with makeup. Maybe a tinted lip balm and a clear mascara would be fine as I doubt she needs anything more. Unfortunately we still live in a very image conscious world. Can she straighten her hair for special events only?

This is normal, I remember at that age starting to compare myself to peers and trying to change my hair to be straight like theirs (impossible with rough Afro!). Maybe it is time to show your daughter some positive images of women with curly hair and a natural look - show her that this is beautiful and she is beautiful the way she is. Self love and acceptance is so hard, even for me in my 40’s.

On the other hand, nothing can beat a good dress-up and silly makeup as a kid.

Mainly that I want her to do it a little later, just feels so young to be worried about body image etc 😫

She has some lip balms and a few lipglosses. I’ve said no to everything else at the moment. I straightened her hair today as we were going out and for her school photos the other day, so I won’t let it become a daily thing.

Does she have a phone?

She has long curly hair, it’s beautiful and thick, Im not sure why she would want to make it straight. She has lovely clear skin too at the moment, so I’ve tried to steer her away from putting make up on as once I started using face make up when I was younger, I started getting spots.
yes I agree, I am in my 40s too and struggle with acceptance and being happy with the way I look.

I was around 10 when I started to notice my body chaging. That was when I started wearing deodorant, and by 11 I was shaving my legs and underarms. I went through a phase of dressing very feminine with hair curled and make up (no uniforms at US school). It was when men started to notice me too, so although I initially liked being seen as more grown up, I later on hated it and ditched the makeup and feminine clothes to become a tomboy.

Is she using social media? Tablet? Smartphone? Do her friends at school?

Could you tackle this, would you want to? I am in my 40s too and struggle with acceptance and being happy with the way I look.

The only other option really is telling her 'not until x age'.

Logically speaking if you straighten her hair for photographs, you're giving the message you agree her hair should be straightened for photographs.

Logically speaking if you straighten her hair for photographs, you're giving the message you agree her hair should be straightened for photographs.

This.

To answer your question, one of my dds was about 16 or 17 and the other has never wanted to wear make up or straighten her hair.
But then, I would never have dreamed of straightening their hair for a school photo.
Nor do I wear make up.
They did lots of activities at that age with other people for whom their appearance wasn't a defining part of them. I think what young children see around them is what they are more likely to want to copy.