Burnt out with 5 and 2 year olds and losing my temper

[leveltheplayingfield]

I’m finding my own children so frustrating and it’s pushing me over the edge.

They are five and two and my younger child in particular has just been awful at the moment, not that this excuses me losing it of course. But I’m absolutely burnt out. Everything is a battle: shoes, coat, leaving the house, food (this is a massive one, it’s no exaggeration to say she’s maybe eaten six meals this week.)

I’ve ended up ranting in blind rage, saying things I really don’t mean, hitting myself and throwing things around. I know it’s totally the wrong way to deal with it all but it’s like this pressure just builds and builds and then comes flying out and I can’t stop. I’m so upset with myself; it’s happened three times today alone

That is not normal. See your gp. Ask for some help.
Look at nhs cbt online

Or call 111 chose mental health support

Oh my gosh....

This sounds hard.
Really hard.

Or can you hire a babysitter to get a break or take a day off work or something to get a but of space and step back???

Or Can you do a bit of a reset tomorrow?
Like an "easy" day where you say yes to anything thats not actually going to harm anyone....

So just feed them what thry like let them wear a fleece onesie /spider man costume out to the park...
Eg. Today I took the kids to the park thry were going crazy about getting on the fucking bus. Crying and moaning (2 and 4) so on the way back thry saw another bus and started and i thought do you know what.... why the fuck not...?
so they happily waited 10 mins for a bus (our house is a 7 min walk)
We then took it 2 stops... and walked another 5 to get home and they were just jazzed. Like thrilled altogether....

My dh was a miserable grumpface about it but thsts another story.....

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp possibly but conflict seems to start over nothing, it’s the conflict rather than what I’ve asked for if that makes sense.

So this morning she had a tantrum because I tried to put on her coat. But then when I said OK … leave it then she had a tantrum because she wanted her coat. This went on for a good while.

She doesn’t eat anything. Today she had half a banana and an ice cream. That’s IT.

Fruit and dairy. It is fine. Stay calm do a food diary speak to hv about her diet.
Is there another parent around?

This is normal! You're at breaking point again and again and again and will be until you have a circuit breaker. In order for things to change/reset, you need to change/reset and in order to do that you need a break, a chance to breathe and sleep and not be in relentless parenting mode. Call in a favour, get someone to take over for more than a day. Go get a decent night's sleep at a friend's who doesn't have kids, better yet a cheap and cheerful hotel. It'll feel impossibly indulgent but you need a reset. Then go back in with some calm energy, no snapping, if they see you're level eventually they'll respond. I've been there, am there time and time again and it's hell. It's OK, you're not a shit mum, you're great. Having two kids at these ages is ROUGH and just endless. You need to find that 'water off a duck's back' vibe where you can be the funny, relaxed mum you really are, and not get hyped and sent over the edge. You will get there. Be kind to yourself.

And in terms of the 'hitting myself' thing this is simply a move from a desperate brain that has nowhere to turn. You need more support and some good coping mechanisms so you don't get to this dark place so easily. Good luck!

I sometimes hit myself when I’m at my limit. It focuses the intensity elsewhere. You are not alone.

Firstly, i think 5 & 2 is the absolute pits for driving you round the bend. My youngest is 2, and one of my DS (5) just can't really be in the same room as each other without striking sparks and it drives me potty some days.

It will get better over time anyway. I remember my eldest (now 9) finding her brothers horrifically annoying. Thry rub along perfectly well now.

While you're waiting/surviving this period:

I always find it better when they're out of the house. A change of scene, some fresh air and not trying to compete for toys.... ok I understand getting them out might be a nightmare sometimes. One of my boys was a horror for getting his shoes on when he was 2. I used to put Mr Tumble on 20 minutrs before we gad to leave and get him ready while it was on and then scoop him up and head straight out. Anything else just gave him time to object!

I think this is prime age/age gap for sibling jealousy. I'd strongly recommend doing a bit of reading round, with my eldest I had to think carefully about how to phrase things and what not to say. Can't remember the book i read, but there are lots available.

I find that 2yos eat basically bugger all for most of summer. Yoghurt and bananas seem to be all they want. All of mine have survived this stage. Try not to worry, as ling as they are a reasonable weight and arent constipated or dehydrated just roll with it.

Do you get a break from them? Any favours you can call in? Ideally from both, but if you can even just get one out of the picture briefly it'll give you some breathing space. Nobody is meant to do this alone.