What do most Year 7s do after school and at weekends?

[ZanyGoldFish]

This thread is probably going to sound so lame but I just don’t know where else to get some advice from.

What do 11/12 year olds get up to after school? Do they chat to their friends every night after school and also meet up on a weekend?

So my DS started year 7 in September with a great group of friends, who he went all through primary with. He is also friends with lots of other kids in his year and is happy, seems confident and doing well at school.
For years now, probably about 5, as soon as he came in from school he would be straight on the phone to these friends, sometimes one - sometimes more and they would chat and game for most of the night.
Since starting high school, it’s all kind of dwindled away…it’s gone quiet, no one seems to ring or text him to play and he now comes in and either just sits on his phone or is doing some homework and when I ask him if he’s going on his PS or maybe playing out, he’s just like no. I feel like he doesn’t seem to want to make an effort with anyone. I’ve asked him if everything is ok and if they are all still friends and he says yes there’s no problems.
I’m worried that he’s not putting himself out there to speak to anyone and not getting involved. Logically, I know I’m probably totally over thinking all of it but I keep thinking it’s coming up to the holidays again and he’s not going to be speaking/meeting up with any of his friends.

I’m curious to know what other kids this age do? Am I just so used to him being on call to his friends and now actually they are a bit older and school is harder so they can’t be bothered when they get home?

@Iloveluna why are you even commenting? You haven’t had one decent thing to say, are you just going to continue to pull me up on everything I’ve said. Out of everything I wrote, again you’ve picked up on the PlayStation thing. What was the point in asking me what he was interested in. YES THEY WERE ON THE PLAYSTATION TALKING DURING THE YEARS OF 2020/2021. Some had PlayStations they used, some chatted on FaceTime. But like I said before if your child hasn’t done any of it before, maybe you don’t get what I mean 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because in my line of work I’ve come across a lot of kids who struggle with face to face friendships as they’ve been focused online. It is unusual for children of 6 (yr 1) to spend most of their time after school chatting via gaming. I’m sorry but it is. Doesn’t mean he’s a lost cause but it might be something to bear in mind.

@Bedtimetime he is happy and doesn’t seem fazed if I’m honest! It’s more me 😬
My DH says that he’s just laid back and we should just leave it be as he’s good at school, sticks in and still has friends, always telling us stories of the day! No bullying or anything like that, and he’s open to chatting. Maybe it’s me! Actually it’s probably most definitely me overthinking. It’s just so different from when I was his age, 90s, when you just played out with your mates, whoever lived closest. Or stayed in, watching TV or lying on your bed listening to music 😂 it was sooo easy.

My yr 7 daughter stays for clubs 4/5 days, sports, drama, singing etc. At home she does homework and has a few evening clubs. She pays with siblings and watches TV in between. She has no phone, so never online, gaming or chatting with friends. She does see them very regularly though!

@Iloveluna Just something to bear in mind, in your line of work- the other half of those kids who you say have struggled, are the kids who have been gaming and chatting online for years and who are perfectly capable of speaking to people face to face and making new friendships…

and still nothing about my original question 😂

It's really difficult not to overthink 😂 (I'm exactly the same!) and to compare it to our childhoods but I think life is so different now? And if he's happy, chatty and enjoying school then that is the most important thing.

My ds is the same age and doesn’t socialise a lot after he gets in from school. He has band and badminton at school after classes two days and other days he walks home in a group who go to the park or shop and it’s a 30min walk but they drag it out so he’s not home till 5. He will chill out at home then except friday scouts. He seems to have plenty of friends he just likes some chill out time too.

The other half? I didn’t say anything about it being half. The majority of children I see with these type of issues have problems with managing real life friendships due to too much online interaction. It’s an epidemic. It’s why the gov are debating stopping kids under 16 from engaging with social media.

It’s quite possible to not be being bullied, but still to be having issues connecting with others in the real world. Maybe gently ask him if he’s school mates are meeting up in real life etc or encourage him to take up a hobby or two.

Edited to add - it’s really not healthy for a young boy to be sitting on his phone the whole time and not having peers to hang out with. What is he watching? Is he getting drawn in by manosphere influencers or the like? Plenty of people think, ‘not my son’. You need to be on top of this before it’s too late.

She does dance twice a week after school but apart from that nothing

i I don’t know any of the parents as it’s a new high school, but I have spoke to the teachers who say she seems happy. I just wish she socialised a bit

Football training twice a week and a game most saturday mornings.

Youth club twice a week, which incorporates a session in the gym.

Goes to the astro to play football, or to the park to play football or go on the bike pump track.

Hangs out with his friends and goes into town to McDonald's etc

Games

Comes with me to walk the dogs

@Iloveluna WOW! Someone has been watching Louis Theroux!

His screen time in the past sounds unhealthy, as what is happening currently. I would limit 1 hour after school screen time on school days and 2 hours on the weekend. As the MAXIMUM. I’m not surprised at social issues given what you’ve said.

He needs some hobbies. Sports, an instrument, slow motion, walking, swimming, reading! Even wordsearches or other puzzles. Colouring? He may complain of being ‘bored’ initially, and an adjustment, but he will adjust and be much better for it!!

IME it's pretty common to take a while to find your feet socially in Y7, and it's sad to watch that tight Y6 friend group fall apart. But I think it's natural to a degree, as the kids go in different directions- some to different schools, and even if they go to the same school they'll often be put in different tutor groups.

Nothing's ever static though- nowadays one of my year 11 son's closest friends is a boy he went to preschool with and didn't see much of in the intervening years.

I’ve not seen it yet, but as I say, I work with troubled teens and this is a massive issue. If a young boy is on his phone a lot he WILL be being served this content, whether he searched for it or not. It’s really not healthy for an 11yr old to have unfettered internet access. You’ve already noticed changes in him. Don’t ignore it or explain it away. Deal with it.

I spent time at my friends houses in year 7, or went home and played video games with my family members. I didnt really go out places with my friends or family in those years.