Best way to deal with an over-sensitive 6 year old. (sorry long)

[pinkdolly]

Dd1 is a lovely little girl. Has always been quite well behaved, tho she does have her moments (dont they all).

The problem is she seems to go through phases where she is soo sensitive she seems to be crying all the time.

Last week we had some mums over with their 3 year old girls. One of these 3 year olds has an older brother and the other is just very boisterous anyway. They play completely different to my girls (No boys in my family). Anyway dd1 came down in tears coz they had been smacking her and pulling her hair (I was a bit annoyed by this). About 10 minutes later dd came down again saying that they were kicking her and laughing. Turns out the other girls had been lying on the bed legs in the air kicking each other and laughing (a game) and tried it with my dd who thought they were being nasty to her.

The mum's were apologetic about their dd's behaviour but I think it comes from having boisterous children.

So today the same girls were around and this time they were calling her names like "stupid girl". Dd really took this to heart and got all upset again. I don't agree with name calling and my dd knows better then to name call back. But they are 3 and she is 6. Is it right that she should be so affected by what a 3 year old says?

dd has trouble with her words, she can't pronounce any sounds which come from the front of the mouth like s,f,t etc. She is recieving speach therapy for this. Sometimes she can be a bit embarrased about this. Do you think this might be why she is so insecure about people picking on her?

I have never made an issue of her speech, but someimes she has been teased by other kids who don't really know better.

But it doesn't really stop there she can cry and the silliest things like last week when I forgot my purse so she couldn't have tuck after St John's or this morning when I asked her to hold on for 5 minutes when I was busy and she needed me.

And then there was yesterday, dh emptied the pool (10ft), she got so worked up about the water coming out that she literally chewed the whole of the front of her top. It was sodden.

What's the best way to handle it. I really dont like seeing her get so upset it breaks my heart. But she needs to learn that she should'nt get so worked up.

Thanx

Hi.

buy this book I cannot praise it enough. It has loads of coping strategies in and has been an absolute godsend to us.

thanx squonk will take a look

I think that some children are just naturally more sensitive than others. My oldest dd is 10 and is really sensitive- always has been. My youngest is as tough as old boots. I can relate to you and feel how upsetting this must be for you. I would however just say that my dd was much worse when she was being picked on at school (we found out) and so she was fundamentally unhappy and it all came out over lots of little things. Do you think perhaps she is bullied or teased at school? Could you talk to her teachers to check as it does sound like low self esteem and in a 6 year old it could be because someone is having a bit of a go at her in school? Does she have any really good friends? Does she play with them without over-reacting to things?

I'm sure she will grow to be stronger but probably always a sensitive soul. Sometimes we (as the adults) also have to accept this and let them be. My dd is growing in confidence but I'm not sure why - perhaps just her age......

Sorry should have said that my dd doesn't go to school, I home-ed. But she has lots of friends, she socialises at church and several secular weekly groups. She was always a very shy toddler and I suppose I thought it would get better as she got older. Her sister is so different, very outgoing and independant.

Agree with Squonk-we found that book to be really interesting and helpful.

Pinkdolly, I second squonk's book recommendation. DD1 is highly sensitive and this book helped us enormously.

Am afraid this is just a question of character- like you, my DD2 is very different from her sister and nothing troubles her.

It's really amazing how children with the same genes can be so totally different... I wonder sometimes whether it's actually just "OK" to be sensitive - ie do we see an issue where there really isn't one? (Says the mum who has spent a good deal of time worrying about it!!)..

Does DD1 get plenty of time away from her younger sister? My DS3 used to have friends around at that age and they used to tease and torment DS2, they thought it was a game because DS2 was bigger and stronger but he couldn't handle it and used to get upset.
My nephews have the same problem, the eldest is quiet, sensitive and loves reading,the youngest is loud,boisterous and very confident. What was fun to the youngest wasn't fun to the eldest-they got on much better when they didn't have too much time in each others company. It has improved with age and each having a different circle of friends.

sensitive can be a really positive trait. I'd also go with squonks book recommendation. It makes perfect sense wrt to my DD. (and me!)

dd2 goes to nursery at he moment 4 mornings a week. They are in different groups at sunday school and dd1 goes to st johns on her own. There is only 14 months between them and they do get on very well together. But yes dd2 does come across as much more confident and outgoing. I was always the quiet, sensitive one when I was younger and dh was boisterous and not well behaved.

Even now, although I appear a confident outgoing person I really struggle if I have to have words with people. Which as leader of a toddler group and creche I sometimes do (thankfully hardly ever). But it took a lot growing up to come out of myself.

I have checked that book out and it sounds really good, I will check and see if the library have it tomorrow.

I absolutely second Squonk's book recommendation - it has changed our parenting and my DD1's life as a result.