grr, really makes me cross (meal times)

[saywhat]

i try not to let it get to me honestly i do, and i know it cant be on purpose, but i have a three year old and a 2 year old. Every meal time, without fail, when i call them through for dinner, unless its an absolute favorite dish, she will sit there and stare at it. I will ignore it and she will eventually begrudingly take a mouthful. The say she needs the toilet. I have put this to the test many times and found she doesnt at all.

Then...comes the mess. Again if its not her fav dish like sausages, she ends up covered in it, hands, face, clothes, wall, table, floor...everywhere. whilst her sister whom is 14 months younger, can eat with no where near the amount of mess. I am sick to my back teeth of having to wash my walls and kitchen floor after every meal that isnt suasages. I refuse to turn it into a battle, so my normal reaction to this is ignoring it, and if she pushes it, there is no pudding, but i wont show i am angry.

i am angry though, i cant help it. Getting my eldest to eat has always been a battle eever since she had silent reflux as a tiny baby, and would refuse her milk. How do i not let it wind me up so much?

Ask her to go to the toilet and wash her hands before sitting down so she "wont have to go in the middle of dinner then".

Put dinner in front of her and after 20 minutes let her get down, even if she's hardly touched it.

I'm totally stumpted that you have to wash your walls after every meal - why?

An awful lot of women have a small drink at tea-time, just to take the edge off

I would ask her to go to the toilet and wash her hands before she starts. I would also remove it if she starts making the sort of mess that is going to necessitate washing the walls! Give it back when she eats properly. Cut out any snacks so that she will be hungry at meal times.

yes defoo
take her to loo
put food down in front of her
ignore her and drink wine for 20 mins
quite fast
and then take it away

or quicker(with the wine and the taking away) if she makes a mess that means yiou have to clean the walls

thats not messy eating thats being naughty

Toilet and handwash before sitting at table.
Before serving, warn that you will remove her food and she will have to leave the table at the first sign of food throwing/ dropping on floor.
Serve food.
Carry out your threat at first food throw.
Say she can return to the table when she is pepared to eat properly. Ignore resulting tantrum/screaming. Praise other child for eating nicely.
If she returns, and throws food again repeat the above.
At worst, she misses a meal, at best you have less mess to clean. If you keep doing this, she will eventually realise that food throwing is not acceptable.

Only put a very small plate of food in front of her, if she eats it all, she can have more.

You mentioned reflux, she knows how anxious you are about her eating. If you think her food refusal is linked to this, have you tried Dr Tanya Byron's method of combining a favourite food (sausages) with other food you want her to try? You say for every mouthful of other food, she can have a little bit of sausage. You have a separate plate with small pieces of sausage which you give her for each success. When she does actually eat a mouthful without making mess, you can really praise her. Tanya also used to say "I bet you can't take a bite of that food, I'll cover my eyes and when I look I'll see if you've had one" and usually the child giggles and has a bite. (You watch through your fingers) When you look, say "did you take a bite and eat it up? really? wow, that's fantastic" then she will get positive praise for good eating. You might have to keep cooking a chipolata along side the rest of the meal each meal, but this will eventually get abandoned as she eats better.

I agree with what everyone else is saying, toilet before meal, take away meal after 20mins, praise when she does eat etc. The only thing I would add is if she makes a mess give her a cloth & ask her to help you clean it up. Maybe throwing food won't be as much fun then!