Xenophobic incident at school - learning resources

[RockyFraggles]

My 12 year old child is quite rightly in a lot of trouble at school for using xenophobic derogatory language to a pupil at school.

He is facing consequences at school and home about this but I want to prevent this happening again.

He knows that racism/xenophobia is wrong but I think he needs further education to understand why it is wrong, and about the impact etc. I think we have probably fallen short here.

Can anyone please recommend any good books/TV programmes suitable for a 12 year old about racism? He's got a higher reading age (17 according to school) so the books can be aimed at older from that perspective.

Would it not be simpler to have a conversation and drive home the message? Why do you feel it needs to come from a book? At 12 years old he should know it’s unacceptable, unless he is going to need to unlearn language and behaviour he has been exposed to for 12 years. In which case you have a wider problem.

Booktrust have a list on their website. My kids read some of the Onjali Rauf books at school, I love her books, my DDs not so much.

I think depending on the child a book can be a conversation starter/discussion point.

He does know it is unacceptable, this is something we have talked about through the years. No, he has not been exposed to see this sort of thing in his life so doesn't need to unlearn such language. There's stuff going on which perhaps explains (but not excuses) some negative reaction from but certainly not of this type, which we are also addressing with school.

Of course we will have a conversation but despite having had those previously, he has still used such language. So we've obviously fallen short. He isn't a bad kid at all and I want to try to educate him rather than just hammering home 'you must not use this language'.

Surely wanting to educate him is a good thing. Seems strange to criticise me for that.

I don't have personal experience of racism or xenophobia and would like him to hear and understand directly from others about how it affects them and makes them feel. I feel a little out of my depth, as the use of this language has come as a shock to us, so was hoping for suggestions of books or TV programmes which we could read/watch together and discuss.

Thanks. He likes to read but tends to be fiction. He is at the almost teen stage where he thinks his parents know nothing, so I want a book or programme we can read/watch and discuss

Sorry, I didn’t mean to criticise. It sounds like you’re a lovely mum trying to address this with the gravitas it deserves. I just meant, sometimes reading something doesn’t click in the way a conversation can. But kudos for making sure he can learn more than your own experiences can provide. Sorry if I caused offence.

This is a good recommendation. I’d suggest you check Booktrust too and also Books for topics is another website that has booklists on various topics for different age groups . Let us know which ones you pick!

Maybe some films could also give insight. The ones I can think of are maybe not age appropriate (Mississippi Burning, Cry Freedom, American History X).

Look at Colour of My Skin on BBC Bite Size.

Also was it xenophobia or racism or both? If he didn’t learn this at home sounds like he’s learned it either from social media or from his mates.

He's old enough for How To Argue With a Racist by Adam Rutherford (who is mixed race and experienced racist and xenophobic comments as a child). It's both popular science and has some humour (as much as these topics can have!).

I will take a look at these suggestions, thanks. Definitely not American History X though, I found that brutal. We've only just started letting him watch a carefully selected 15 film when he's with us.

I'll take a look a this site, thanks.
To answer your next question it was xenophobia.

Thanks. This looks good. Will be good for us to both have a read of this and then talk about.

I think the first conversation to have really is figuring out where it came from. If he already knows its wrong and has chosen to do it anyway then you need to work out what the motivation behind it was and really that’s the important chat.

He can read books, watch shows, but if he already knows he shouldn’t have said it and did anyway then the bigger problem is the why and where has the attitude come from. It hasn’t come from nowhere so is it something he has seen, heard, witnessed, watched? Start from the very beginning here and figure out what went wrong.

I really want him to hear from people who have experienced racism themselves particularly as children and how it has made them feel. Makes it more relatable and more real for him than when talking about the impact on a broader level.

Thank you for taking this seriously, OP. As the mother of a child who was occasionally on the receiving end of racism, I am grateful for the effort that you are making to educate your child. Not all parents take it upon themselves to do this.

Getting him to empathise is good, and I hope that you are able to find some suitable books. It might also be worth exploring whether he has ever had the experience of feeling a bit different from those around him, and to think about how he might have felt if others had weaponised that against him.

With the right support from you, I'm sure he will learn from this and be wiser for it.

Perhaps just let him have his beliefs.

What? Let him think it's OK to insult people using foul and xenophobic language when he's upset? NO!

There’s a good chance you’ll push him further to the right if you don’t leave him be.

He's 12. He doesn't need leaving to his prejudices, he needs parenting (just like the OP is doing)

Would you say the same thing if a 12 year old started throwing misogynistic insults around too?

Weird suggestion I know, but could you do an element of the government’s online Prevent programme with him? The Awareness one is around 35 minutes long and covers all elements of extremism. It would point out the dangers of continuing down the racist route.

The Prevent website also has a lot of good resources that you might find useful too.

The other place that has some good resources is the NSPCC. They have short videos etc aimed at both adults and children on a lot of topics, racism included.

I admire you for addressing this. He does neex to know that it’s absolutely not ok to know that racism is wrong but to do it anyway.

As well as the education i would be looking at the age limits on his SM /gaming devices and removing anything which he isn’t yet old enough for.

Do you regularly check his phone, Snapchat and WhatsApp to see what the conversations with his peers is like?