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Clingy Toddler and Upset Grandparents

7 replies

Palm2017 · 11/03/2026 09:21

My toddler (18m) is currently very clingy with both myself and my husband and has had a strong “stranger danger” radar since around 8 months old. We don’t live in the same country as my parents, so see them sporadically, but often for extended periods of time. My daughter takes time to warm up and is usually more wary of men than women, but she won’t let my father or brother hold her and screams when I leave the room for too long and leave her with them. She’s better with my mother - she will sometimes cry but settles quickly and they go on independent outings together etc.

I can tell my dad and brother are hurt, despite having made a big effort to visit and be involved in her life. I have a very good relationship with them both, so am not modelling any negative behaviour around them in front of her. I’m probably just being sensitive, but I feel like they think it’s something I’m doing as a parent to make her very dependent and clingy. She doesn’t go to regular nursery but goes to crèche at my gym, plays regularly with other children and is left with babysitters from time to time and other friends with children with whom we spend a lot of time.

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m likely putting unrealistic expectations on myself and my child, but I feel that my father is distancing himself from her as she doesn’t always have a positive reaction to him.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LittleRoom · 11/03/2026 12:44

Unfortunately I think it's entirely normal at this age and something she will grow out of - as long as your dad and brother don't take it personally and continue making the effort with her.

My in laws are several hours away so we only see them a couple of times a year but for several days at a time. Our DC were a little anxious around them at that age but outgrew it completely by around 2/2.5 I think.

Peonies12 · 11/03/2026 12:53

Sounds completely normal. My toddler sees my father in law every week, and she's still wary of him, and she goes to nursery 3 days so she's used to being looked after by others. You're not doing anything 'wrong'. Your father/brother need to just be present and let your daughter come to them. My daughter wouldn't be 'held' by anyone anyway!! But will be fine if someone sits nearby, or shows her toys or books.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 11/03/2026 13:00

Very normal. My granddaughter went through a phase of much preferring my husband to me. She's 3 now and I'm coming back into favour as the one who makes gingerbread animals with her.

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Palm2017 · 11/03/2026 18:02

Thanks everyone - thanks really reassuring!

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FuckedUp7443 · 11/03/2026 18:57

I have a 19 month old. It sounds normal BUT he's actually very good with people who are good with him, if you know what I mean. My parents are lovely and try very, very hard but they are not toddler people. They don't know how to get down to his level. They also have fixed ideas about what babies should like, they don't quite see him as an individual.

My FIL on the other hand, who we only see ocasionally, is super playful and somehow gets DS to play with him instantly! DS could sit with him for hours!

So it's a bit of both, it's likely your dad just isn't patient or creative enough and toddler being clingy.

RosieRR · 12/03/2026 15:34

Very normal. Our grandchildren live abroad and my eldest granddaughter went through this but from the age of 4/5 we have taken both out for extended trips and overnighters. Tell them just to be patient

Chilly80 · 12/03/2026 16:22

They need to understand this might be what's its like for a long time. My kids love nanny/grandad/aunt/uncle but my nephews are another story. Oldest is 6 now and still clingy to mum and dad even though no issues at school.

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