Using holiday clubs whilst I am off work

[theemeraldcandle]

Some background: I work full time in a busy, high pressured job. Mum to four year old twin boys who are going through a very challenging time at the moment, think terrible sleeping, constant fighting, not listening etc. Their Dad sees them every other weekend only, no contact in between. I have some support from family but nobody will have them overnight or out of my house.

Easter half term is approaching, I have some annual leave to use up and will be taking the first week off work.

I use a holiday club during some school holidays and I’ve been offered some dates to put them in on the week I am off work. I’m tempted to book them in 😭 they are so incredibly challenging at the moment. In the house they’re destructive, don’t listen, either play like maniacs or constantly play fighting (which always ends in tears). If I take them out it nearly always ends in tantrums or one of them running off.

I’m totally burnt out from lack of sleep, work stress, lack of doing anything but being Mum and working.

Would I be unreasonable to put them into holiday club even though I’m using annual leave?

As I type, it’s 7:15am, they’ve been up since 5am and also woke at 1am and are currently screaming and rough playing despite me asking them 50,000 times not to

@theemeraldcandle It’s not ironic that they behave well there - it’s totally normal! Most children reserve their worst and most challenging behaviour for home. They push you with what they do but learn very quickly that it’s not tolerated elsewhere.

@Candleabraagree re rose tinted glasses!
His choice, he says he can’t do more than every other weekend

Ah, fair enough @theemeraldcandle

I hope you are convinced now that holiday club is a fab idea!

I hope their useless father pays decent maintenance at least.

💐

Absolutely do it. Stop justifying yourself on this thread. Most people are not dealing with half the level of stress you are. And book yourself in to a spa day and a massage while you're at it.
It won't make a bit of difference to them but it will mean the world to you!

Of course fine.

they will enjoy and you will get a break.

That’s rubbish for you. So mad that he just gets to opt out leaving you to pick up everything. Definitely take that break, you deserve it.

It sounds as if half the issue is that they need the holiday club to run around with other kids. Lots of boys that age just can't stay at home, they need to go out.

Do it! You burning out won’t do your children any favours, you need some time to yourself xx

The maintenance is a whole other thread in itself! @Zippidydoodah. Fortunately I am careful with money so I can afford to pay for holiday clubs and keep a roof over their heads.

Do It! I use kids club at David Lloyd so I ca. use the gym. My son loves it and always asks to go. I’m sure some people think it’s terrible.

I’m a SAHM and I still put my 5 year old DS into holiday club twice a week in Easter and summer holidays, he loves having that time with his friends from school :) do it!

It’s totally fine. I’m not working due to illness. The shorter holidays are okay, but I book my youngest in a couple days a week over summer. It’s good for him and it’s good for me. It means I can rest if I need to and frankly we get a break from each other. 😂

Of course you should do this, no excuse needed and no explanation needed either. Think of it like a camp instead of childcare if that helps you, but honestly - this sounds ideal. Put them in as much as you can afford and would work logistically.

I take several days off work a year while my kids are in school. No family around so it’s the only way to get some breathing room.

Do it!

I wouldn't hesitate for a moment. It's good for them and good for you. I work FT and it was a way for me to have a desperately needed break, get some exercise and/or get stuff done without dragging them around with me moaning about being bored. When I was on mat leave with youngest I still sent elder one (school age) to holiday club twice a week and it made for a perfect balance.

There's plenty more hours in the day and at weekends to enjoy being with them. Don't listen to any mummy martyrs. A man in this position wouldn't give it a moment's thought as the answer is so totally obvious. Be more man haha.

Do it mamma. Take a break. Go to the spa. Get a massage. Treat yourself.

As your Mum isn't the one doing the childcare its not up to her. I wouldn't have thought twice about this when my kids were young if it had been an option. You obviously need a break! Don't even think twice, do it.

Why is your mum giving you, the primary parent, shit for needing a couple of days break when you care for your DC 26-27 days of the month?

She should be on your side and telling their father he needs to step up his game. Seeing his DC four days a month is pitiful.

Don’t fall for the patriarchal bullshit that the single mum is the bad parent when she’s doing 95% of the parenting. The Dad who is doing 5% is the shitty one here, today and every day that he doesn’t step up and do his share.

I’m also a teacher and often do this during school holidays. A morning or half-day is so nice for them, gets all their energy out, gives us a routine for the day, and then we can have a chill afternoon. We can’t always afford it, but I make it happen whenever I can.

Just do it OP! My DH is away at the moment (I’m not even pretending like I understand what it’s like as a single parent) and I think I’ll book a babysitter this weekend to take some pressure off for me. No guilt whatsoever.

Honestly just put them in. They would just be at home fighting and causing chaos, I see your mum isn't rushing to take them for a day or 2 so she has no say imo,

I have a family member with twins and when they were children she put them in holiday clubs and playschemes just to have a rest.

It's not a problem at all. I'm a sahm and use holiday clubs most holidays. For age 4 and up, there are some great clubs that provide a good grounding in skills like sports, drama, music etc. I see it as a good way to build breadth into their curriculum and to maintain social contact with friends. If you can cope with just one child rather than putting both into the club, it's quite nice to alternate days with one or other child in a club, so each child can have a full day of time with you. I find that much more pleasant than juggling 2 dcs, and often their behaviour improves once they've had that bit of dedicated attention.

Book them in now before the slot goes! Do not feel any guilt at all. It will be better for all of you.

Is the father going to see them over the holidays at all? 🤨

Just want to add to the chorus as a mum of twins and a challenging four year old - BOOK THE CLUB. I am in awe of you for managing 4 year old twin boys by yourself and holding down a full time job. You deserve a break. And maybe a cocktail. You’re amazing.

@theemeraldcandle

I hope you have booked.

I know this is not what you asked but I feel REALLY strongly that you should have a proper chat with your mum about her guilt tripping you in this way.

Have you actually spelt out to her that your work life is incredibly busy and stressful, you have TWO active kids who you look after 95% of the time alone with little practical and financial support from their waste of space Father and does she even stop to think how hard this must be for you day in and day out?

I really think you need to tell her some truths because she should be falling over herself to support you and help you and encouraging you to take a break.

I have typed this potentially projecting my own frustrations but I’d really encourage you to give her a few home truths so she is more thoughtful the next time she speaks.