Tips for 4 month old screaming in car

[Lemonyfire]

As the title suggests.. nearly 4 month old, and when I say screams, I mean SCREAMS. Coughs on her own saliva and then after around 20 minutes usually exhausts herself and goes to sleep. It’s very hard to drive with this. School is a one hour round trip so have to drive. Things I’ve tried:
feed just before
feed an hour before so not sitting on her stomach
adjusting straps
Travelling when well rested
Travelling when tired and ready for a nap
one of the older kids sitting with her distracting
a toy she can look at
white noise
dummy
stopping to calm/ feed/ cuddle

she has a hearing loss and doesn’t usually wear her hearing aids in the car so can’t hear me/ music.
the screaming usually starts as soon as the car seat clips in/ I start driving. Today on one of our journeys she was smiling while I strapped her in, and the second I swivelled it started.

Fully accept this is a behaviour developmental thing that will pass. Any solidarity/ advice would be appreciated as we’ve all started dreading the school run. For context she’s a sensitive baby anyway ( I write this while listening to her screaming because she’s having her PJs put on!)

Is there a reason to take the hearing aids out? Sorry if that’s a stupid question but mine were comforted in the car by voices and seemed to enjoy music. If you’re using a baby carrier I’d also try the next stage up car seat (a fixed rear facing one) as sometimes they prefer the higher up and slightly more upright position. Also you could try the front seat (with the air bag obviously) so she can see you.

No tips, just solidarity. Both mine were/are like this. I don’t think other people will understand. My youngest (18 months) is still like this, which is very limiting. Eldest grew out of it around 2-ish I think, so I’m hoping my youngest does the same!

Also sending solidarity, I had a small baby with a hearing loss and he hated the dark when in his car seat/in the car.

Can she wear the hearing aids in the car? Mine was happier when he could hear/distracted. It did get easier as he got older… I know the here and now is difficult though. X

@Bitzee not a silly question! She’s started pulling at her ears and has pulled them out a few times so when unsupervised in the car it’s a bit risky. They are taped but still not worth it! My ( now) 13 year old is deaf and we had to go through a phase of taking them out too!
both of your other ideas are great suggestions thank you!
@Pomegranatemum thank you, she's our third and I definitely remember the middle being bad but I think I’ve blocked a lot out! She was also incredibly sensitive and cried a lot so hoping history isn’t repeating itself
@cheekysausage123 thank you- I think it’s definitely worse in the dark for her. When one of my older two are in the back she does keep them in, but she’s been yanking at them so don’t want to risk anything where I can’t grab them!

appreciate your replies- a lot of it is me wondering what am I doing wrong?! And querying something causing pain like reflux, but she’s okay when she lays down in bed

Cranial osteopath - changed things immediately for us

Sorry typo I meant to say with the airbag OFF if you put her in the front. Hopefully that was obvious!

I wouldn’t think reflux if she’s fine laying down in bed. Probably more that she can’t see or hear you, but that makes sense re removing the hearing aids so I’d definitely try the front seat and see if that helps.

Ipad holder and tablet she can watch. Better a screen than such distress

@girlabouthome funny you should say this, we saw one when she was born as she was delivered breech via c section very roughly ( stuck under my ribs pulled out by feet etc) and was very tense for weeks after and would only turn one way, and the osteopath we saw was wonderful and I was wondering today whether this would help. Will book an appointment- thank you!

@chateauneufdupapa totally agree and my daughter tried this today and made no difference, she won’t even open her eyes!

@Bitzee I did realise this don’t worry! I agree- I think we’d see it in other positions

It sounds like she’s scared to me. Or car sick. But dancing fruit on the tablet can be a lifesaver for a direction in extreme circumstances.

Ahh ok ignore me then. Sorry!

@chateauneufdupapa dancing fruits was our go to haha Just unfortunately not a success in the car

With my DD3 the iPad had to be on when I was strapping her in. So iPad on, her attention drawn to it and then in the car. If she wasn’t already distracted by it then it didn’t work.

My middle child would scream every time we were in the car. We moved her into the front with the air bag off and she was perfectly happy, as long as she could see me. It’s probably not recommended but I came to the conclusion that it was more distracting and dangerous to have her screaming constantly in the back.

@JustAnotherWhinger unfortunately it still doesn’t work it’s like the fear/ discomfort/ panic overrides everything!

today She was giggling as I strapped her in and I kept singing and smiling as I turned the car seat and then she literally switched and it’s the same with a screen 😭

@Bigviking I agree- this afternoon I was crying along with her. Someone above has suggested this too so I think I’ll try it for a short journey to see if it makes a difference, thanks!

My daughter was the same between 3.5months - 4.5months old. Full on meltdowns. She was crying, I was crying, daddy had to stop the car and we had a cuddle when we all needed a break. We dreaded getting in the car, but then all of a sudden they became less often and less intense. It was just a phase, a flippin horrendous phase, but it did pass. Fingers crossed for you it will too. 💖🤞🏻

@Kaybee1989 I needed to read this thank you so much 🙏

My daughter did this too, it was sooooo difficult to drive! We faced her forward as soon as was possible and this helped, but she also then developed really bad car sickness which she still gets occasionally (now 3). So I think she probably felt really sick when she was little in the car hence the crying. I hope it improves for you soon.
x