3 months in - is this normal?

[TheCornishGoodLife]

I’m a FTM of an almost 3 month old - is it normal that I literally cannot achieve anything in the day still?
I see these integral videos of new parents cleaning their house and being super productive and on it would life (which I would LOVE because I hate a dirty house), but that is completely impossible for me. I feel like my to do list is growing by the second.
My baby cries every time I put her down, and she’ll only ever sleep on someone in the day. Im itching to be able to do stuff but I can’t. Shes an extremely refluxy and fussy baby. I’ve got so much stuff to help as well - bouncer, Moses basket, mats, baby gym, baby wrap to wear her etc. Nothing works.
hope it improves soon because I’m struggling mentally with it all.
How do people do it? Thanks in advance!

*Instagram not integral!

You are being completely unrealistic about what you can do with a 3 months old.

The social media posts are mainly a complete load of rubbish!

Read up on the 4th trimester - they are supposed to only want to be held. Rather than worrying about the house / what other people do enjoy the baby cuddles as this stage will pass unbelievably quickly

Definitely normal! I think babies who don't want to be put down are more common, but some babies don't mind it. I got the ones who hate to be put down too, it will get easier in time :)

Totally normal, and think about the biology of having a child not just about the societal pressures we have now (and don't look at instagram for the "norm")

Tiny babies want to be held, warm and close to their mother at such a young age, and some babies are more like this than others. My son was a velcro baby, if I put him down in a bouncer to try and do something he'd wail his head off. All our chores were done in the evening while my husband and I tag teamed being with the baby, and actually I loved that peace of washing dishes or cooking with headphones on so I couldn't hear my reflux baby for a short while 😅

It's a stage and it passes honestly before you're even aware of it passing, it took ten months for my son to nap in his cot then longer to go from 30 min to 2 hr naps in it, he's 2.5 and still has that nap thankfully so I get chores done in the day but I remember the days of holding a baby all day then spending any none baby time cleaning and cooking, it's just the grind you go through with a newborn.

My daughter was just the same and the first three or four months were pure hell, but things did gradually start to get better. I found it very difficult - we moved when I was six months pregnant into a near derelict house, which we largely refurbished ourselves so the first few months were really grim. We didn’t even have a useable living room for the first six months of my daughter’s life 😆. But by six months, my daughter had become less clingy and was napping better during the day.

To add, when they're more mobile you can get loads done with them "helping" you, and sometimes my son would tolerate a carrier while I bustled about tidying the house a bit.

I thought I’d never be able to get anything done again but it’s true it goes so quickly. By 14 months DS was walking and helping me hoover round with his toy one! When they can sit up and play on a playmat for a while that helps too, enjoy the snuggles , let standards drop and if you can service out big washes to buy yourself some slack !

The Instagrammers are presenting a carefully staged fraction of their day. Over the course of a day you could probably film a 5 second video in a clean corner of your house while the baby is asleep, and anyone who saw it would assume you were thriving.

For many influencers this is their full time job and they have nannies or other help which frees up their time to make content. It's not comparable to most people's lives.

Other than that... if the mess is getting you down and you can afford a cleaner, then get one. I'm happy to sacrifice other things and pay for the huge mood boost I get from a professionally cleaned house.

My love @TheCornishGoodLife stop following these dickheads on insta! It’s not healthy and it’s all utter smoke and mirrors

do you have a decent support network around you? Other mums? Connect with them and you’ll see that what you’re experiencing is 100% normal!

it won’t always be like this, but right now love you’re in the trenches.

in my experience once they get to 3-4m it gets a bit easier to get them into a routine.

I know Gina Ford was frowned on here, but the principles of establishing a routine so that you know what’s coming, baby knows what’s coming etc etc and it just gets easier.

bringing bedtime forward so that baby isn’t howling with exhaustion really helps too.

you got this

my howling banshee never slept for more than 20m at a time for the first few weeks… i forgot my own name at times i was so tired

my baby boy’s just this second kissed me on the cheek, got into his car and headed off to Ini for the day!

This stage feels bad, but it’s so fleeting. Routine was a key game changer for us

It's absolutely normal that they just want to be held at this stage, but is her reflux under control? There's a big difference between a baby who wants to be held but is relatively content as long as you are holding them – and then you at least have a chance of doing little bits or getting out for a walk, etc., with them in a sling – and one that's constantly in pain.

Could not agree more!

Leave Instagram alone. Read up on 4th trimester and enjoy your baby snuggles.

Glad to hear you have a sling.

Definitely normal. Get off social media and snuggle that baby. My youngest is 3y now and I really miss those sleepy baby snuggles when you just can't achieve more than a one thing a day. 🥹

You will quite literally never have this time again. Even if you have another baby you won’t be able to sit and cuddle them because you’ll have a toddler stomping around the place.
Outsource anything you can, get out and about every day, even just for a walk and a takeaway coffee. And step away from Instagram.

Honestly stop looking at Instagram. Its a totally unrealistic representation of what actually having a new baby and maternity leave is like. You see a snippet of their day and have no idea how much help they actually have behind the scenes.

Enjoy the cuddles and worry about the mess when you have someone around to help. I had two non sleepers and non nappers so life was hard for the first 9-10 months. I did everything with DH was around after work and left anything outside of that. Sometimes you have to lower you expectations for a short period to get through then when things are easier being those expectation back up again

The only way I’ve ever achieved anything with a young baby was to stick them in the stretchy wrap and get on with my chores. Non of mine were very good at naps unless they were held until they were a bit older and the amount of time taken to get them to sleep was longer than they spent asleep.
With my last the pram rocker was fantastic, wish I’d got it sooner as I could walk the dog, get baby to sleep and they’d stay asleep for a while with the rocker on and I could do jobs or have lunch.

Thank you SO much for all your amazing comments and reassurance. I feel a lot better!! I was just starting to wonder if I’ll be able to function normally ever again! But it’s nice to know it will improve. I do love the cuddles but I feel sooo much guilt and that I’m being a slob when I look at the mess around me. But then I also feel insane guilt when I’m not with her too!

Luckily she does sleep very well in the next to me at night which is a blessing, and in the carrier when we’re outside, so I can walk the dog which helps to make me feel less trapped.

I’ll try to ignore Instagram, and I’ll take what a few of our antenatal class couples say with a pinch of salt - sadly a few seem to be quite competitive about things.

Thank you so, so much!! Xx

@TheCornishGoodLife

Definitely take the NCT chat with a large pinch of salt!

Once the sleep regressions and growth spurts hit it will all re-balance and everyone will realise that there is no magic formula to parenting.

Have you heard of Kelly Mom and Wonder Weeks. Maybe something to look into while you are snuggling.

If she's sleeping well at night, you have it much easier than most mums around you at that age. Adjust expectations and enjoy your baby.

Honestly if you’re getting good nights; be mega grateful. And be prepared for that to change. Get off social media and enjoy yourself, my baby has always been far easier when she’s out the house. Go to baby cinema, take her swimming, go to an art gallery! Go to the pub i did that loads during maternity leave. All the ‘stuff’ in the world won’t replace a baby’s need to by held by their mother. Just lean into it, it doesn’t matter if your house isnt immaculate or you have ready meals for dinner.

Definitely take some things with a huge pinch of salt.

This is quite an old article now but it’s based on research which proves that parents do lie over thibgs like sleep.

Just wanted to add though that if she is very gassy, has she been checked over by a Tongue Tie Practitioner?