Co-parenting Arrangements

[Cosyreader1]

My relationship recently broke down and I'm now a single mum to a 14 month old. It's all still very new and we are trying to adjust to this new normal. I just wanted to find out how people in similar situations tend to split the childcare? For example, do you both have set days/nights or do you do alternate weekends, multiple days in a row etc.

Firstly I think it depends on if you’re BFing. The Court doesn’t generally award overnights to the Dad if the Mum is BFing until LO reaches 18 months.

@SleafordSods no, im no longer breastfeeding.

My ex refused to do any care on his own so I did 100%.

He finally had ds overnight when ds was toilet trained and could dress himself and use a knife & fork. Age about 5

Most of ds' childhood, ex has done 6 hrs on a Sunday, a week between xmas and new year and a week in the summer. Occasionally a few days at Easter but only when his new woman is around.

It will depend if the other parent is willing

It depends what you and your ex agree on.

I think the 2-2-5-5 schedule works well, i.e. Parent A has Mon-Tue, Parent B has Wed-Thu and Fri-Sun is alternated. It gives the stability of knowing that the same weekdays are always with the same parent and never too long a gap between seeing the other parent.

Week on/week off is more fiddly in terms of having everything needed for the full week and organising extra-curriculars.

The most common standard for when care is not split 50/50 is that the NRP (usually the Dad) has every other weekend and one weeknight mid-week.

I don't think there's any set arrangement for a chid this young and it depends hugely on the two adults involved. What I think is most important is that you reach an agreement that works for both of you, and that you both stick to it.

Unfortunately, anecdotally, what I have noticed is that when relationships break down while the children are very small, it is more likely that the man will disappear or be very erratic.

We are planning on doing it this way, it works better for me as I am some evening commitments that I'd rather not give up too. But, we are yet to try this out, currently still living with STBEH, but moving to my own home in 4 weeks time. I really hope this works well for the kids, as 1 week about would be a bit painful tbh!

Yes, I've never seen week-about work that well. It's always arguments because Dad has organised karate lessons every Wednesday 15 miles away from Mum's house and DS has forgotten to bring his kit again, and Mum has retaliated by booking drama classes on Tuesdays but Dad has said he's not taking him so now the drama teacher is saying DS can't be in the end of term show because he's missed 50% of sessions.

2-2-5-5 allows everyone to get into a routine.

No problem, just wanted to make you aware that co-parenting is one of the few things that can change depending on how you’re feeding them

What sort of proposal had your Ex suggested?

So initially it was all very ad hoc but it became apparent very quickly that wasn't working. We both work full time so at the moment we're planning that he'll have her a couple of hours in the afternoon/early evening 2 days a week until I finish work (he finishes earlier than me) and then 1 full day at the weekend. We've also said potentially 1 night overnight on alternate weekends but I still feel she's too young to be sleeping out frequently

@JadziaD I have wondered if this might eventually happen!

Yeah that sounds like a reasonable pattern and maybe something we need to think about. As you said it means there's not such a gap either which is one of the things that upsets me most about it all..having to have that time apart.

Ideally, staying at her Dad's wouldn't be "sleeping out" and both homes would be equal.