When to have second baby

[stripe25]

My LO is 5 months old and my DH and I are in our mid 30s. We purposely waited until now to be able to do things child free and to get a bit more set up in life before having kids. I know we aren’t ‘old’ parents but I am aware the older I get the harder it will be to conceive, and pregnancy/ postpartum can be hard on my body.

We’d love to have a second child if we are able to, I’m not sure we’d have a third but three would be the maximum we’d ever try for. With all of this I have been thinking about when would be the best time to start trying for a baby. I know some people who have a 3/4 year age gap and absolutely love it. I think the earliest we’d try would be around 18 months after LO was born. My thought process was if you have them closer together do you get through the really rough sleepless phase quicker with the both of them, or do you get through that phase by the time they’re 3/4 and then start all over again with the newborn phase.. I’m aware every age will bring new challenges!!

What is your experience on age gaps and the pros/cons? Would love to hear all of your advice!

Our original plan was to have a second when he was around 3. That felt perfect to us from a logical sense. He’d be more independent, we’d be less stressed and the gap was manageable. But we ended up having such a great time with him at 3 that we didn’t want to change anything so we shelved it for a year. And then at that point, the idea of going back to the baby stage just didn’t appeal at all so we stayed with one. We knew we absolutely didn’t want more than a 5 year gap (not enough common interests or jointly suitable activities) so at that point the decision was done.

So I guess that’s a warning that if you know you do definitely want two, maybe it should be a largely head decision rather than a “go with the flow” one. I don’t regret our decision at all, but waiting until I felt emotionally ready turned out not to be a good idea if I had been set on two.

It depends.

I had 2 under 2.
First year was hard. But naps oberlapped for anwhile which was good and 2 years in with youngest its cool.
Oldest was a girl and if there had been a bigger gap e.g. 2y 3m she'd have been potty trained when the baby was born. Butttt She has a strong personality and i can imagine shed have struggled with the arrival of a sibling with a bigger age gap /more awareness.
Also DS is a total utter ddelight and they are a little team so I just wouldnt change a thing.

She's now at 4 doesnt remember a time he was not alive. They are a little team.

Having a child just tanked my career growth at my old company so as soon as I went back I thought "fuck it lets go" and got pregnant within 5 weeks of going back and took the 6m full pay 3m stat plus bonus again. I moved when youngest was about 22m and its panned out well.

If you plan yo work FT I think you have to want it and bit a bit lucky.

I did need 3 x surgeries before ds was 2 though?!? Which was a lot so I think that was an added layer most people dont face...

3 year age gap between mine. It would have been closer but I had 3 MC (I was late 30s)

Will you be doing nursery?
Have a think about costs. With a 3 year age gap we had 1 really really expensive year when both of my DC attended, before my oldest went to school. I just remember it was the equivalent of one of our wages being given to the nursery.

Not enough common interests or enough in common ?
How sad that you missed out on another darling child because you couldn’t get past that outdated idea.
with the cost of childcare, it’s extremely common now to get one child into school before having the Next and they seem to be fairing well it is almost like having two only children at times, it can be very Adventurous as well.
Mine were opposite sex too and they still did lots together and had joint hobbies and miss each other terribly now one is at university