I feel lost

[Demileighhh]

i feel lost, I have a 5 year old and 4 year old who both have some sort of behavioural issues for me anyway with no family support and a partner who works 55+ hours a week I mean I have family but since losing my mom in 2024 it’s only effort I make if we talk

i feel like I’m just a mom that’s it I have no other identity, everyday are for my children which so they should be but I can’t help but think is this normal ive never voiced these feelings i don’t know what’s normal but everyday every weekend are for my children I never get to do anything I enjoy it’s always activities for them taking them somewhere when there at school im either working or catching up on things to make the weekends and after school easier my whole life’s a rush due to having one car and having to take or pick my partner up, I do all the housework myself everything for the children I barely speak to any adults I have no friends at all, my point of this post is is it normal to give up every part of yourself and your own happiness until there older teenagers?I mean my children know nothing there happy and so am I sometimes but I feel so burnt out.

I can totally understand you feeling burnt out. Are you doing all the childcare, cleaning, driving and work as well?

I have a young child, no village and work 33hrs, husband is full time. I often feel it's relentless but do not have the same experience as you.

• how many hours do you work?
• if your partner is working 55hrs a week why do they need you to take and pick them up? This is quite limiting, could the 1 car arrangement be reconsidered?
• If he is working 55hrs a week when is he engaging in any family time? Could he take them to things on the weekend or days off so you get a few hours? Is that level of work necessary financially?
• If you are both working and you are struggling for time could you outsource cleaning?

We alternate lie ins each weekend day and also bedtimes. My husband takes care of our child occasionally so I can see friends or engage in hobbies if I wanted, and I do the same for him. We do simple meals during the week to save time, or buy in prepared but healthy meals.

No, I don't think it's normal. It sounds very lonely. I think you need something for yourself, even if it's only a couple of hours a week. Could you hire a babysitter and go and join a club one evening a week (book club, running, board games, whatever)? It's an easy way to meet people and even if you don't meet anyone you click with, you'd at least get some adult conversation out of it. Do your kids friends have any parents who you get on with ok? I'd be bold and ask if they want to go for a walk or a coffee. You need human interaction.

he works Monday to Friday and we couldn’t afford another car we have a lot of debt and really high bills we have no money left from his wages after paying the bills so his hours is a must although he has a pretty chilled job he sits down all down fixing phones, I handle all the childcare school drop offs picks ups i leave the house every day at 6;50 to get him to work and the kids to school on time and then pick them up and and him all after 3 I handle all the cleaning and everything else, I feel bad as he works so I try and pick up everything he doesn’t really take the kids out they usually play him up quite badly so it’s left to me he will look after them if I pop to the shop but leaves them to do there own thing as he sits down and I don’t really like that he does that, my children have friends and I’ve tried talking to them they blank me sometimes they are quite older than me im quite a young mom im only 24 so I think that may be the reason what is your weekend routine do you revolve the whole weekend around your children?

if he's working and the children are in school I would feel like I should do the cleaning and housework too, in the time they are at school. Does this not give you any free time though, this is 6 hours a day? Our routine is a little different but Monday to Friday I leave for work at 7am, my husband does drop off at nursery. I do pick up on way home, husband starts cooking when he finishes (he works from home 9-5). In evening once both home we split everything- dealing with bath/bed and house and we only both sit down once everything is done. On weekends everything mostly revolves around family time. We each have a lie in until 9am on alternate days, whilst the other takes our child downstairs for breakfast and play. We then go out for a few hours as a family at some point - either activities, always park/walk (we have a dog) or to see friends/family or run errands, or go swimming, places to play. Share cooking/housework on weekends and things like laundry. If one of us has plans we make sure to check in advance - I may go meet friends and their kids, or go for dinner, he may see friends or go to driving range. This is once or twice a month, not every weekend. Most of the friends we see together have children so it feels like both social and family time.

Do you have no friends between you as a couple? It sounds quite isolating, potentially for both of you.

Could one option be to think about you working - to help financially but also you may feel like you have something for yourself and a social outlet too? The kids will play up for him if he isn't used to dealing with them alone and doesn't put the effort in.

sorry forgot to add I work 10-2:30 Tuesday to Friday im a dog walker so not much socialising I use Mondays to catch up on housework does usually take all day as lack of time in the week