Year 7 girls taking bus to Kingston alone for the day – what age do people allow this?

[firsthomebuyerfirstreno]

Hi all, looking for a bit of perspective as I didn’t grow up in the UK so sometimes I’m not sure what’s considered normal.

My daughter is in Year 7 and a friend from her old primary school has asked her to go to Kingston tomorrow. The plan seems to be that the two of them take the 281 bus from Hounslow and spend the day there.

I bumped into the friend’s mum this morning and asked what the plan was, assuming she might be going with them, but she said she isn’t – she thought the girls could just go together. When I asked what they would do there, she said probably walk around the shops and get something to eat ina chicken place.

What made me hesitate is that she also said her daughter doesn’t normally take the bus alone to school yet, but she thought she’d be fine with my daughter.

My daughter is quite sensible and I do want her to have independence, but a 40–50 minute bus ride and a whole day hanging around a busy town feels like quite a big first step.

I’m leaning towards saying no this time, but I’m curious: what age do people start allowing this sort of thing? Am I being overcautious?
Thanks!

Think DD was 12 or 13 before that - going to a place she knew well on a bus route she knew well as well as going with w friend

I’d say at that age they’d be fine. Just tell them to stick together. Does she have a phone?

Year 7 is fine. DS takes the bus to Kingston every day for school and has done since Y7. They often will have a wander in half days and weekends or summer evenings. Very safe and fine. Make sure they have a battery pack in case phone runs out. Do you have Life360 or similar? You could download it for peace of mind. Make sure they know the stop to get off and make sure they know how to read google maps to get back to the bus stop.

My dd is y7 but not 12 yet. I’d not let her go to Kingston for the day with a friend without me. I’d probably go with them but let them have some time to go round the shops by themselves, get lunch etc. Maybe just for a few hours not the whole day.

Perhaps this time you could drop them off .Then maybe have a coffee, and let them come back on the bus or if you are worried then say you will collect them.Its always difficult letting go at first .My DS was in year 8 so only about 12(young in his year)they went on the trip to New York .Teacher assured us they would be accompanied at all times by an Adult .Turned out they were left to walk about in Central Park alone! Got lost and had to ask someone the way.Never even been to our local town on their own.

I mean it would most likely be fine, but I wouldn’t let my dd do that (Yr8 12yo), mainly because of the distance away. I allow my dd to mooch around our home town with friends but it’s a five minute drive from our house and she knows safe places to go to in the town centre if anything bad were to happen.

I guess I would feel differently if my dd regular used public transport on her own…but she doesn’t so for now I keep her local.

I always assumed it was perfectly normal for kids of high school age to get the bus into town and wander round shops / eat chicken wings / go to Starbucks etc until I came on mumsnet! We used to do things like that on our way home from school passing through the town centre and the kids here still do, particularly on a Friday when they finish early.
That said, I don't think two kids can spend a whole day browsing shops, I'd set a timelimit on when you want her home by.

From what you say both your DD and friend live in Hounslow - do either of them know Kingston and their way around?

I'm all for independence but at that age they need to have a purpose e.g. cinema/shopping not just a plan to hang around all day.

I'd say no to this one.

Hi OP, I think this is a bit less about age than it is experience. If neither girl has done something like this before/taken a bus alone before I think it is a bit too much too soon. I am not in any way an anxious parent, my DD was taking buses alone in outer London at 8/9 years old but we had built up to it gradually and each "extension" of freedom was planned. If my DD was as inexperienced as yours and her friend there is no way that their first experience would be a 40 minute bus journey alone to a place they hadn't been before. I am a bit nonplussed that the other girls mum thinks having two inexperienced kids together makes it better.
In your shoes I would take them, drop them off and then stay in a central place whilst they have a couple of hours to themselves and then take them home. I would then gradually build up your daughter's experience of using public transport independently, in London you definitely need it. I am still surprised how many of my 19 year old DD friends have really limited experience.

There is a new chicken place just opened / my dd is planning a trip Monday as she has inset. We are about 6 miles from Kingston - I think she probably started going late Y7/start Y8.

she had been to a smaller more local town first with friends first.

she can easily spend hours there - loads of shops she likes. I always make her take a battery and lead and she has find my iPhone.

For me by late primary school kids should be responsible enough to go out locally alone, then further afield like Kingston or Croydon or whatever once they're in secondary school. They do need to get used to being independent.

During the day I'd say it was normal for 11-12 to girls to wander round 'shopping'? Other than swimming, bowling there isn't much else for young people to do that doesn't involve staring at phones.

Same here, secondary school age, would be travelling independently. Have some ground rules of course. No phones in my day either. Used to go into 'town', hang out looking at things we couldnt afford with our pocket money and then come home again in time for tea.

I’d say start smaller. Work their way up. They’re quite young to be doing that when they haven’t taken public transport before. Rule of thumb for me is to only let them go when they can get themselves home and won’t panic. So that means practicing something closer so that if things go wrong, it’s easier to collect them.

I’d have been ok for my dd to take that length of bus ride by the time she was about 13. By this stage she understood bus routes. And she was taking the train between year 9 and 10 to a very large city around 30 miles away.

Sounds fine for a half day. It’s normal to leave school and swing by Wingstop/McD’s and get the bus home.