Just wanting to vent about toddlerhood/going back to work/general life at the moment. Ugh!

[muddlemothermayhem]

Hope this is OK. Just wanting to vent about how tricky things are/have been this winter.

DS has been sent home again from nursery, this time with conjunctivitis. He was sent home with a cough and temperature two weeks ago, and before that had another temperature, and hand foot and mouth, and a horrible cold-type virus over Christmas which made him absolutely miserable and which he shared with us all too. It seems to be every other week at the minimum that he’s sent home, and if he has a temperature then he can’t go back until the following week (he’s only in nursery two days a week so this wipes out his remaining day, IYSWIM).

On top of illnesses, he had a horrendous sleep regression while he was learning to walk and we’ve had one week of good sleep so far this year. Every other night we’ve had split nights where without fail, his wakes last a minimum of two hours and there’s nothing we can do to get him to sleep sooner except wait it out. His sleep has gone back to being awful the last few days, probably due to now getting ill again. Last night I got him to sleep at 1am having not yet been to sleep myself and he was up again at 6am.

I went back to work in November and honestly feel useless. With lack of sleep and illnesses, I’m just not functioning properly, and honestly don’t see the point in my job a lot of the time. I’m finding it really difficult to care about the work, whereas before DS I really did care. Now I wonder what my impact is, if any.

Related to this, I’m retraining to try and maximise earning potential and move into something more AI-proof as there are redundancies at our workplace and while my job isn’t yet under threat, it feels a lot more precarious than it did pre-DS. So I’m also trying to balance studying alongside work.

Added to that, DH is being made redundant and is currently job-hunting trying to get something lined up as he’ll get statutory redundancy only and so can’t afford much if any time off between jobs. It’s understandably stressful and he does loads at home for us in any case so I don’t want to lean on him any more than I already do. DH was also horribly ill over the previous fortnight or so (possibly covid?) and I feel awful saying it but I just feel so tired from holding everything together while he was ill and trying to juggle it all.

We’re very lucky to have some family support but it’s not unlimited and I still feel that I’m stuck in a neverending cycle of DS getting ill, and of constantly feeling like I’m doing a shit job of parenting, working and studying.

I’ve ordered magnesium and a really good multivitamin for DS which I hope will help with the constant germs (which I should’ve done ages ago). Otherwise, I’m just venting, really. Thank you if you’ve read this 🙃 maybe it’ll get better once we’re properly into spring?!

Relate to so much of what you’ve written. I’m in the depths of it too so no answers I’m afraid but you’re not alone.

So sorry that you’re in it too but glad to know neither of us is alone!

Money is a constant worry now too as I absolutely burnt through my savings on mat leave to keep paying my share of things as far as possible so now I’m starting again from zero, but with the added threat that DH may not have a job after the summer.

We’d always said we’d have a second and DS is absolutely wonderful and I adore him, but I don’t know if I can face going through this again!

Right there with you, this stage is horrendous but it will get better in Spring. I’ve got a 1 year old and a 4 year old and 1 year old has been sick all Winter, two hospital stays and endless bugs brought home by my eldest. DH was also made redundant a few months ago and the job market is absolutely terrible in his area right now so no chance of finding a role soon, so all the pressure is on me to perform at work. My DS is also doing split nights right now, two hour wake windows in the middle of the night and there’s nothing you can do except ride it out. If possible I would suggest your DH does the night wakes so you can sleep since you need to prioritise your job right now? That’s what we’re doing, I still wake up but most nights DH stays with DS so I can try and get back to sleep.

The first winter at nursery was really bad for me too, even with baby going one day a week. Touch wood (it ain't spring yet!) this second winter at four days a week has been better.

For split nights, at had to move bedtime 30 minutes later, which is really hard emotionally when you are on your knees with tiredness and just want to put them down at their normal bedtime.

This too shall pass!

Also relate to so much you've said. My DD started nursery in November and I went back to work 3 days a week and my guess is shes only been in nursery half of the time, shes had HFM/ear infections/constant colds/coughs/ sickness bugs which whole family got and its really tough! And now shes cutting 4 molars at once!

It will pass as i remember how much of a shitshow it was when I had DS but I forgot how crap it is being in it, especially sleep deprived on top of everything else.

You're doing the best job you can at everything and it will get easier - I have to keep telling myself the same things!

This is the toughest bit, it absolutely sucks and this probably feels like little consolation but it really doesn’t last forever.

Can you do some sleep training? The current situation sounds unsustainable, I really feel for you.

Thank you all so much for your responses. It’s reassuring in a way that this seems to be a ‘normal’ thing even if it feels awful!

@ACatNamedRobin it does feel unsustainable. I feel physically exhausted now when I’m carrying DS and just want a break (like so many of us!).

We sleep trained when he was 9-ish months old and starting to sleep in his own room and weaning from being breastfed to formula fed. I did wonder if we should try it again. He goes down to sleep usually really well, it’s the night wakings that are awful, and they can happen anywhere between 9pm and 3-4am, there doesn’t seem to be a predictable pattern, other than he does not settle for two hours once he wakes.

We tend not to go to him straight away just to see if he can self-settle, but pretty much always he ends up working himself up to proper, inconsolable crying. DH and I are both exhausted. I don’t know if it’s fair to sleep train while he’s still under the weather, maybe I’ll see how the magnesium/multivitamins go before going down that route again. Thank you x

You cannot sleep train when they're unwell and/our out of routine, that would be extremely cruel.

OP it really is just a phase. Winter months in nursery are awful. He's probably cutting some molars too. What happens if you give some calpol at bedtime?

What are his nap like at nursery? Are they letting him sleep too much? What happens on the days that he is not at nursery?