Lost confidence in parenting older child

[Armck]

Please no judgement with this. I just want to know if anyone has gone through this,

I have a little girl who has just turned 3 a couple weeks ago. I also have a 7 month old.

since my baby was born I have found it absolutely impossible to leave the house on my own with both as my 3 year old is a runner, it is like having an outing with Usain Bolt. She used to be on reins which she hasn’t worn for about 8 months now as she got better and they became more of a hindrance.

when it’s all of us on a weekend she will listen to my husband and hold his hand but does still occasionally bolt but he can catch her. I can’t. I have damaged my knees/pelvis when pregnant so would never be able to catch her but especially not with a pram too.

I don’t need advice on how to contain her, she’s never liked a pram from 14 months old and is very independent. I just feel like now I have them both I’ve lost all of my confidence as I could handle her independence and wildness when it was just her (and before I damaged my knees/pelvis which I am under physio for)

I get so embarrassed when I say I don’t take them both out on my own. I mean it’s only 1 and a half days a week I have them both due to nursery and husbands work days. But I just feel silly and like I’m the only person in the world that hasn’t got the confidence to tackle an independent runner 3 year old with a 7 month old too

They are really tough ages. I would really try and go somewhere just so you don’t lose your confidence further as when this phase passes there may be other challenges. There may also be unavoidable trios like to the GP or shop when you’re out of nappies.

Can you use a sling for the baby? That’ll leave both arms free for the toddler? Or reigns, or one of those little life bags with the lead? I had a similar age gap and have one memory of having a tantruming toddler while pushing a pram. It felt like the most stressful thing at the time but it gets so much better.

I think I disagree and I’d just do what you have to, to get through this stage. But if you do want to, are there any gated contained parks or playgroups nearby? Then you just need a plan for the jouneys.

Most people would just take reins and a double buggy and not beat themselves up about it.

She goes back on reins until she can show you that she can behave. So go to the park, and once you are in the enclosed play area you take them off. She then has to show that she will stop when told, hold hands when told etc. Explain that you need to be able to keep her safe, and the reins do that.
First sign of not doing what she is told reins back on and go home.

@NerrSnerr I think this is a lot of my problem my 3 year old when her sister was first born went through 2 stages that made getting out and about so difficult, first it was weeing herself in the car seat and laughing, that lasted a couple of weeks before she then learnt how to undo the buckle on her car seat and thought that was hilarious so until those phases passed I didn’t venture anywhere without my husband in the car so I felt like I never gained any confidence on my own because this started the day after I took them both out on my own when the baby was just born so then I didn’t do it again and now I’m this far down the line I feel like I have no confidence to do so!

I know I debated so hard on buying a double pram but she has been a kicking and screaming in a pram child since she could walk!

@dozer222 yeah there is a couple of places I need to just bite the bullet and take them both on my own!

@marcyhermit i wouldn’t be beating myself up about it. I just don’t see the fun in taking her out screaming kicking off in a pram (she hasn’t been in once since she could walk) so didn’t see the point in getting a double pram

@Seeline when does this magical listening age begin? Asking for a friend 😅

it’s awful because I feel like all my friends with kids the same age are much more savvy with things when out and about. She acts like you’ve just freed her from the zoo

Even better that she doesn't like the pram to be honest, then it's a consequence - you walk nicely, hold mummy's hand, or else back in the buggy.

I would just had the baby in the carrier and make sure you’re holding 3 year olds hand.
It’s not going to get any easier unless you actually do it.
To be honest it probably doesn’t actually help that you don’t take them out and so neither of you are used to the dynamic.

@goz I agree her not being out solely with me with also her sister isn’t something she’s used to now and it probably wouldn’t even be as hard as I’ve built up in my head as it was fine when her sister was first born it is just a confidence issue that I need to get over

Back pack reins - worth a shot?

Honestly though - I'd try going out with DH as back up - she holds hands, hold pushchair - has reins on on goes in a pushchair - or you go home and you wait her out.

Had double buggies, platform at back which DD1 refused to use - side car later on which folded down and carries - and picked best match for the day and powered through - and yes there were some bad trips. Local small trips to build confidence up would be my suggestion.

Listening happens when it's pratcised as does behaving when out and there will be lapses or bad days. Even at three she should be able to repeat an instruction back to you before she tries to do it - keep it short simple and clear and get it repeated back to you - so you both know she knows what to do.

it probably wouldn’t even be as hard as I’ve built up in my head as it was fine when her sister was first born it is just a confidence issue that I need to get over

Short walk at weekend or evening with both when DH at home by a phone to call if gets to much - and build up over time to longer distances.

@MyOpalCat i think this is why I need to just go for it because we’re out and about all weekend and on husbands half days at work and id day 8 times out of 10 she listens so well and holds hands. It’s them couple times when she just bolts away I’ve built in my head if she did that on my own I’d be terrified, she’s like a whippet. But I do think the longer I leave it I’m probably building up an issue in my mind that might not even happen!

I opened this thread thinking it was going to be about teenagers so my experience is about 14 years old now!

ds1 was similar, but for my own wellbeing I had to take them both out. He was too big to go in a double buggy. We wore waterproofs lots to go out whatever the weather! He had a rucksack with a handle / strap attached when we were properly out and about. I had to sew a waist strap on that as he would wriggle out if it. For shopping trips he was put straight into the trolley at the car with the lap strap fastened. We have got a couple of parks that were either big and safe enough to just let him run, or safe and gated. Soft play was the last resort!

once ds2 was toddling, ds1 became a very responsible and caring big brother and would happily walk holding ds2’s hand!

@Muchtoomuchtodo I know I think the title is a bit dramatic and misleading I was typing in a hurry 😅

I know it’s hard when they’re little escapees isn’t it. I mean she is better now than she was a few months ago at holding hands but also is faster when she chooses not to!

But I totally agree that I need to just get over it. I don’t even know why I’ve built it up so bad in my head!

My DNephew at that age was a real pain and a bolter. His parents never used reins but were constantly running after him. He wouldn’t listen either. If it were my child it’d be reins until she listens.