Snappy at kids in the morning

[nowayho]

How do I stop myself snapping at my kids in the morning?

I have an 8,5& 3 month old.

My eldest is brill at getting ready. Middle one is really dippy and takes forever.

They wake up late every day. I set my alarm earlier and have to keep on nagging them to get up, which then means we make it to school just on time.

Obviously the baby needs feeding as well, so that takes priority and then everything just goes tits up.

I feel myself getting more and more stressed and having to say brush your teeth, brush your hair, we need to go etc for the 100th time.

I then snap at them and I’m quite rude with it. Eldest doesn’t seem to care, but middle is really sensitive and it makes her upset & she falls apart and struggles to get ready under the pressure. By the time I get them in the car, I’m pretty angry. Every morning I try and act differently, but it doesn’t always happen.

I worry that I ruin their day. They shouldn’t have to wake up to an angry Mum. I don’t want them to remember this when they’re older and think I’m a horrible person, despite me acting like one.

How can I change my behaviour?

I think before school is a really tricky time for parents. My DC are similar age to your older two, I think prepping things the night before and getting up before the DC wake up so you are already ready really helps. We have uniforms laid out, hair brush and bobble out ready. Shoes, coats, bags and water bottles by the door. And just biting your tongue, remind yourself before they wake up that staying calm will make things run smoother. But I can't lie, mornings are the most frustrating part of the day in our house.

I’ve been there. I would advise to get everything prepared the night before so all you have to concentrate on is breakfast, dressing, washing (no finding clothes, pe bags, checking books/homework etc). Sit them down tonight and explain morning routine needs to change, tell them what is expected (times etc), you’re not going to tell them multiple times, there will be consequences if they don’t listen and do the activity when you first ask. You’re being too soft. They need routine and boundaries. Easy for me to say now that mine are all grown up, but how I wish I’d done this myself more constructively in their younger years.

maybe try a visual timetable for the older 2 so they can look at the pictures and tick them off when they have done them. then a treat in the car if they do them all themselves. if you make it so that both DC have to tick everything off then the older one might also start helping the middle one. I also second getting everything ready the day before and then get them dressed before you go downstairs for breakfast. then toothbrushes and hair brushing in the kitchen If no one has to go back upstairs, then it minimizes the insanity that you have to manage. lastly is there any way you can get the baby up and feed them before you have to wake the older 2 up.

With some things - like the get up, get up, get up one - could you physically lift them out of bed? At least the middle one. So at least that's one step done with less nagging - for them - and annoyance - for you.

They wake up late every day
They are young children. You wake them up late everyday.

I set my alarm earlier and have to keep on nagging them to get up
Dont ask them to get up, get them up. Stay in the room and watch both of them get out of bed. Have the clothes out ready the night before. Have everything laid out ready. Follow them to the bathroom to supervise them washing and brushing their teeth. Have a strict downstairs for breakfast time, which will allow wriggle room.

You need to be washed, dressed and ready before they get up.

which then means we make it to school just on time.
Young children have no control over this at all. This is all down to you and how organised you are.

Is their father in the picture? Where is he in the morning? One option could be that he takes them to breakfast club.

The best thing that worked was a big whiteboard. All the things they need to do, they tick it off themselves. One big tick at the end of each day and then Friday after school you all get a reward, be that tv, a movie night, a trip for some sweets, they get to choose a family game. Anything they’ll look forward to. They may work together, mine did, to get all their ticks.
just include dressed, breakfast, teeth, hair, shoes on, coat on, that sort of thing.

I agree that they need to get up earlier and for that to happen they need to go to bed earlier.

You need a backwards plan. If you need leave the house at 8 you need to aim to putting on coats and shoes at 7.50, 7.35 getting dressed, 7.25 teeth brushing - you should be watching the 8 year old brush teeth and doing it for the 5 year old. Visual timetable for kids.

You sound very passive as if some of this is beyond you. I’m sure that it is tiring have 3 quite young children. I’d look at your overall routine, not just the morning. For example, I used to stay up a bit too late to get some time to myself but it backfired in the mornings as I was more tired.
You have had some great practical advice from others. Minimise the morning routine to the absolute bare bones. Breakfast if necessary can be eaten in the car for example. If you shower in the morning do it later. Sometimes allowing more time is counter productive.

If bags are ready by the door all that needs doing is get dressed, brush hair, wash face, clean teeth. Everything else can be done on the way or the night before. If the dc have long hair they need to learn how to care for it themselves. The basic routine takes 5-10 minutes.

I would physically dress the 5 year old. I did for my youngest, he’s 8 now and happily dresses himself but when he was little he needed more help.

Agree with pp, you don't ask them to get up. Tell them it's time to get up once, the second time you remove the duvet. Third time you put in consequences including tipping the mattress up.

All clothing is sorted the night before. Breakfast is laid out as much as possible, ie bowls/spoons/ketchup the night before. Any packup is made the night before so you just need to grab it out of the fridge. Shoes and bags (already sorted night before) placed by the front door the night before. The two eldest can help with a lot of these preparations.

If they mess around with bags and shoes then they go to school without. They'll only do that the once.

Stop asking, stop telling after a couple of times, start doing, put in consequences. It must be extremely hard with a newborn though, can the father help at all even if only with the getting up?

If you wake up early like 10 minute, help them get read that would be good because a 5 year old still need support and ask their dad to help too. Try to do something for yourself like walking in evening (15-20 minute by yourself) that will help a lot relax

If you wake up early like 10 minute, help them get read that would be good because a 5 year old still need support and ask their dad to help too. Try to do something for yourself like walking in evening (15-20 minute by yourself) that will help a lot relax

You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself first and foremost. It is so much work having little ones and there are pinch points to the day like before school and dinner into bedtime.

It's really really hard to carve out time for yourself and ease the pressure but it makes all the difference to the amount you can handle without getting snappy with them. If it can be prepared in advance then do so, if it doesn't need to be done right now then leave it for later. It is literally impossible to do it all, especially on your own which sounds like you (maybe even only at that time of day).

You do not need to leave the house perfectly in order, they do not need a fabulous breakfast each morning or a perfectly nutritious dinner 7 days a week.

If things need doing, but aren't life or death then leave them for a bit and grab a cuppa and sit down wherever you can.

Honestly these are the tips for survival at this stage of your life. Being better organised obviously helps but I am certain you are at your coping capacity 99% of the time so one delay or lost item tips you over the edge. Cut yourself some slack and the rest will follow x

I have been in your position and it sucks. Made me feel like an awful mum. Every morning was a nightmare.
We now have everything set out the night before, absolutely everything. That helped massively.
Set your alarm earlier. Gey ready before they're up.
Make them get up. Open their curtains. Put on music. Don't let them fall back to sleep.
The thing that made a big difference in my house was to tell that once they're ready they can do WHATEVER they like + providing it's not messy. They soon sped up!

Well done for recognising that in yourself, that's definitely the first step. Mine are a bit older than yours are but I'm definitely not a morning person and I learnt I actually have to get myself up earlier and have half hour to myself before I tackle getting the kids up. If I'm completely ready and have had a morning cuppa I'm a lot more patient with them. I still make sure they get stuff ready the night before so we're not looking for things as that gets stressful and having a list they can check reduced the need to repeat yourself so often. I also leave time for 20 mins of TV before we leave, if they get everything done on time. It motivates them and also means everyone is feeling calmer when we get in the car.

What time are they waking up?? I’d LOVE mine to wake up later. 7am would be like an insane lie in for DS7. Baby is sleepier still rises at 630 on a good day 🫠

The best advice I had from the health visitor was wake the baby as late as possible, after the older DC are ready apart from coats and shoes, feed him, put his snowsuit on and put him in the buggy. Leave changing, washing and dressing the baby until you're back home when the older ones are in school. It was so chilled.

I think I would try to stop worrying about being late because stressing out is probably not making things go any faster. I would try to just do what I need to do and just mention once to them what they need to do and if they are late through their own actions and they have negative consequences at school then maybe this will make them more organised at getting themselves ready. A happy household is more important than being on time. Try to let go of outcome and feel that being late isn't the end of the world 🙂

I am you OP! I have a 7,4 yo and4 month old and the morning routine is so stressful, especially as baby cries when she is tired and ready for a nap which is just before we leave.

What I've been doing recently is trying to get everything ready in the evening and then telling DC they can play/do whatever they like as soon as they have had breakfast/changed /brushed teeth. If they haven't done any of this then I calmly say I guess you'll have to go to school in pjs with smelly breath. I also tell them we need to get a wriggle on so baby can have her nap. This usually spurs them on although I do snap every now and again. If they do all the things and get ready they get lots of praise!