Navigating after breakup - need some encouragement

[sillygoose111]

I feel like I know the answer but I need a word of encouragement and maybe someone else to share their experience.

I’m 28F who’s been very independent since I left home at 19, I have a child who’s soon to be 5.
Unfortunately life has been lifing and I’m left in a situation to decide what to do next after a breakup to make sure I can provide the best life for the both of us. I’m down to two options and I guess I want a positive perspective to feel that I’m not absolutely failing as a mother.

1. I could stay were we live now and keep her in the school were she started in September (she’s in reception) and claim UC. However although I’d have more independence, my own space, this option would limit my ability to save and overall it would be harder to move on in life.
2. Move in with my grandma and uncle who’s looking after her (we are similar age with him and have a good relationship). I’d be able to save as much as I can as majority of my earning will go to savings. But that means changing school for the little one. I’m so scared she will have a hard time. I know that I would be doing this for our future but still I feel so much guilt and as if I’d fail her.

It wouldn’t be permanent but 1-2 years for me to hopefully to be able to save for a deposit and buy something for ourselves. Until then we would share a room.

As I said before I just want some advice/encouragement or for someone to tell me if I’m being completely delusional.

Thank you!

so your plan is to save for a deposit to buy your own place ? Have you thought long term about how you will pay the mortgage ? Its a good plan but depends on funds. Ive had a mortgage in the past but I lost the house as it went up a few times and it was nearly double the original amount and I couldn't do it. We lived in a hostel for a while, Now we live in a housing association house where the rent is affordable.

If you think youl be able to pay the mortgage for 25 years then it's a great plan. Have a look online at mortgage payments per month .. etc so you have an idea of what to expect. Affordable housing is so hard to get nowadays but if there's any way you can join the council housing list it would help you do much

Do you live in a private rented house atm?
Instead of focussing on saving to buy your own place, Maybe you could focus on training for a new skill that you could use for future employment ? or something you could do self employed ?

Firstly - sounds like you've had some bumps recently but please try to get out of the "all or nothing" thinking and I guess I want a positive perspective to feel that I’m not absolutely failing as a mother..

Realistically would you envisage that you would have stayed in the same place until your daughter moved out of home? It is ok to make a move for the benefit of your little family especially as you would have support and consistency for your daughter from other adults.

Confused by your comment about grandma and uncle currently looking after your daughter - is that after school, or ad hoc care?

@Amira83 work situation is something I’m looking for concentrate on, but at the moment that’s the only thing that is stable so I don’t want to make any huge changes there. But yes, improving my future employment is definitely one of the other goals. We rent privately atm.

@Mulledjuice sorry I mean my uncle is looking after my grandma.

How do they feel about you + DD living with them for 2 years?

@Mulledjuice I’ve spoke to my uncle and he said that the door is always open, they’ve been really positive and supportive. I think it’s just me thinking that it would be a step back when I let my emotions to take over me..