What are realistic expectations of a 5yo?!

[Clu3l3ss]

hello, I have a very nearly 5yo dd.
I love her very much. She’s funny, bright and imaginative but I also find it all so hard and frustrating. She literally argues with everything I say, even if I’m not really talking to her! She we have to ask her the same things over and over so I feel like such a horrible nag but it’s stuff she knows because we ask her every day.

she talks like a baby or just makes noises and expects us to understand. Every single day. It’s not that she can’t speak, she’s really eloquent. I feel like we play an read and engage with her loads but it’s like it’s never enough and so it feels like I’m always saying no but it’s because she makes constant demands.

I feel like I don’t enjoy being around her at points. I get that one thing is that I have no actual benchmark to go by. I only see glimpses of other kids so not sure if what I’m expecting is wildly unrealistic i guess what I’d love to know is - what kind of annoying things are just to be expected with a 5yo. What do/did yours do that used to wind you up?!

Much more ignoring of poor behaviour, and praising of good behaviour. Stop arguing with her; this just teaches her how to be argumentative - your word is final. Ignore being drawn into a back and forth. When she makes noises: ‘use your words or I am doing something else’.

Do you have any examples of things you have to nag her about? It might be that she’s not able to do these things independently, yet.

Hi, thanks for your reply. I think it’s less about what to do in those situations or needing advice, more just would be interesting the challenges others have had with kids that age. Because I know everyone has challenges!

When one of mine DD was 6 so close in age to yours I remember saying to my husband how annoying she is being and he agreed. Things she did that she grew out of mostly by about 7.

baby voice

watch me, watch me, watch me over and over when it was something that a 2 year old can do like stand on one foot and touch her nose. this escalated to make a video of me doing this but it was several videos

Getting emotional about absolutly everything. Literally would start crying if I asked her to pop a coat on to pop to the shop it was actually the end of the world

bedtime she would invent some reason why she was upset that was ridiculous. Saying things like “last year when we went on holiday I had a blue bucket but I really wanted a red one” which went on and on. Thing is she never had a bucket at all in holiday because she didn’t even want one she chose an inflatable instead

when doing her school home reading she would start cuddling in and do an baby voice and say “too hard” and act like a baby

crying if I cut her sandwiches into triangles despite that being what she asked for then pretending she didn’t understand why I couldn’t put it back together

asking to be carried when we went places. But fine on the school run, at birthday parties so basically whenever her friends were around or suddenly she was no longer tired the second I said we are leaving the park

Butting into every adult conversation. “ what did you say/ what are you talking about” or asking “what hat does that mean” about things she already knew about. For instance I’d say something like do you want some toast and she would say” what is that?”

making random statements like I am only wearing blue from now on and then having a tantrum if everything she was wearing wasn’t blue and then the next day it would be a different colour. Then some days she would forget and when she did remember in the middle of tesco she would scream and keep on asking me to buy her something in her favourite colour OF THE DAY

i could go on all day.

she grew out of it and now we laugh about it

Is she your eldest or youngest ? This makes a big difference imo as my 5 year old can be quite grown up and well behaved- when she wants to be like her older (9) brother ! At other times if she’s been around younger friends the baby ish behaviour creeps back in . Expectations are so variable try not to compare if you can help it - 5-7 are really great years just around the corner x

She’s an only child, although I am in the very early stages of the first trimester, which I imagine is adding to my low tolerance!

the thing is, she isn’t exactly badly behaved, she’s just so much all the time. She’s always been an intense little thing and she’s smart - it just feels like I’m constantly being tested and asked questions and told I’ve made a mistake etc and sometimes that’s fine but all the time is driving me mad 🥴

Thanks so much for your reply. Did you find it annoying?! How did you deal with that? I feel so guilty when I find her annoying and keep telling myself she’s just a kid but then just get annoyed all over again!

While there's lots of good advice here, it's also worth remembering that the intelligence of an average five year old is comparable to an African Grey Parrot.

Make of that what you will.

I think what’s glaringly obvious is that it’s mostly attention seeking, isn’t it? What sort of reaction are you giving her when she behaves like this?

@forthursdaysarefree that bucket thing is just like my 4yo who was upset for some reason the other day, so decided to be specifically upset about the time he went to a birthday party over a year ago and he didn't get given a black and white magic wand but some other children got one and why didn't he get one. It was a prize for joining in the game, DS. You didn't join in the game. And it was 14 months ago.

OP I know you didn't want advice, and this isn't, really - but I did recently read that 'How to talk so little kids will listen' book, and many of the things in it were things I was doing already, and I found a couple of new-to-me strategies that have been working well. But the main thing I got from it was a really useful reminder that you have to adjust your expectations as there are many things they're not developmentally ready for yet. Sadly the one I really have to adjust for is the fact that my child (still) has no concept of time and how long things take.

Sounds just like my 5yo. I read it all as bids for connection with me, so I try to preempt by giving lots of positive attention and words, so it doesn't get to the point where I'm annoyed - but obviously it does still get to that point regularly...

Hi. Thanks for your comment. I was really just starting the post to see what other people’s kids do that wind them up, not really to seek advice or work out why things are happening. I’m not panicked about her behaviour I just feel bad every now and then for finding her annoying - hearing from other people about their own crazy situations is cathartic in some way - hope that makes sense.

My 5yo is just like this. I think it’s pretty much age appropriate compared to her peers. Her older sister wasn’t so annoying or difficult but she was a horrific baby and 1yo so for her it’s been progressively easier whereas the second was a charmer of a baby and is harder now

Thanks for your message - you’ve hit the nail on the head, I imagine it’s my expectations that are the real issue. So, it’s useful to see that others have the same kind of insanity to deal with! She’s the first kid I’ve really known so it’s hard to know what’s to be expected!