50/50 co parenting

[AimeeJane98]

Hello, in short I'm getting myself into a frenzy right now and not sure if I'm overthinking things.

Basically myself and sons dad split nearly a year ago now, we both live in separate places now which less that 5 mins car journey away from eachother. Our son is nearly 3, we've done 50/50 co parenting on our own terms since we split. Its been working really well and we get on great (much better than when we were together). No arguments, no stress etc. My son is very happy and relaxed and understands some days are at mummys house and some at daddys house.

I decided to look up what others thought of the whole 50/50 arrangement and all ive read is how awful people think it is and how traumatising it is for the child. Obviously this has made me sick to my stomach with guilt and stress. Anyone have successfully 50/50 raised their children into well rounded and stable adults?

I come from a chaotic abusive household and my parents stayed together until my father passed when I was 16. That definitely traumatised me and is obviously not something I want for my son. Please help!!

I don’t do 50/50. However from what you’ve said there is no reason why your son won’t flourish from this arrangement! He has both parents working together to give him a happy and stable life and gets to spend equal time with parents he loves.

I split with my child’s father when they were one. We don’t do 50.50, but my child’s is really well adjusted, kind and everyone comments on how lovely and kind they are!

I don’t think it matters about family set up, it matters about the love and kindness you give your child! And stability ❤️🫶

I also think you make a good point, the majority of kids I see that seem to be emotionally affected are the ones that live in a two parent household full of conflict or that have two parents that are separated and who are constantly in conflict around the child.

I don't do 50/50 parenting purely because I feel my DS needs aren't met with his dad. As in, routine, correct bed times, disipline etc. I wouldn't worry as it sounds like your co-parenting is working, your son is happy and sees both his parents getting on well. Most cases are not like this, most cases one parent isn't pulling their weight the same or there is emotional impact due to parents arguing/fighting/trying to out do one another.

I am in the same position as you - 50/50 for the last year and the children have adapted very well.

id rather not do 50/50 but ExDP gave me no other choice and he is a great father. DCs seem happy but I do often worry how it may affect them long term..

Personally, I think that if you have two good parents, and a solid working relationship between them, 50-50 is the ideal. I don't really see a major downside to it, if both parents are good competent and responsible.

Most of the issues with 50-50 seem to come form poor parental choices, rather than the split itself. E.g. the child never feeling settled, is usually because one place doesn't actually feel like home, or is too far away from their friends/base, or one place doesn't have their stuff/things.

If you have one main parent and one "side" parent as such, then yes, 50-50 would be a problem, but if you have two parents, equally committed, equally willing to create a great home full of exactly what your child needs, close together, willing to work together etc. Then I would wager it is the best environment for the child.

Other more one-sided arrangements only give more stability, if the "side" parent isn't responsible or capable, and they inevitably end up reducing the relationship between the child and one of their parents.

I don't think there is a universal right answer - and it seems like your set up is working.