To ask what your child was like at 3.5 years old if they now have a diagnosis of ADHD...

[HonestBlueRobin]

Just that really... my 2nd child.. 3.5 years... have suspected for quite a while he has ADHD.. I know its too young to have him referred.. and I am aware some toddler behaviour can mimic ADHD behaviours... and so, if your child/children have a diagnosis of ADHD now.. did you see it when they were younger and if so, how?

DS is 8. He has ADHD diagnosed and also ASD (it is sometimes hard looking back to unpick what was what).

At 3.5 he still didn't sleep through the night, this came about 4.5. he would wake at least twice in the night and often started the day at 5am.

Lots of meltdown, several big ones a day. Very hard to get him to just come along with what others were doing/ you needed him to do. Would do things like randomly refuse playgroup or a visit to someone's house if he didn't feel like it, creating a huge scene. Hated going to preschool, had to be carried in screaming every morning.

He was quite advanced in other ways, such as speech/ vocabulary and physical ability. I had a nightmare taking him to parks as he would climb on top of play structures (like the roofs of play houses etc), out of my reach, instead of using them as they were designed.

He was just generally hard work and that's all I thought it was at the time. As he has gotten older, his strengths and difficulties sort of crystallized into very distinct areas - my advice is just to let that happen, let him grow and emerge. If it's there, you'll see it more and more with time.

He would climb everything! Literally, everything, if you couldn’t see him - look up. My personal favourite was him climbing to the top of a street lamp and me yelling at him to get down at once!

He would eat stuff he wasn’t meant to - the pre-school had to change what they used as he would eat it - sand, crayons, glue sticks, dried pasta for craft… He used to take posters off the wall at the library to eat the blutack - then the wonderful librarians changed all the posters to Velcro fastenings (I will never forget that kindness and lack of judgement). What was ironic is I never managed to get him to eat enough food that he was supposed to eat- skinny little thing who hovered about the 2nd percentile.

At the small rural primary all the other mums went in to listen to reading etc… and just let their younger child do some colouring with minimal supervision while I had to watch mine like a hawk and it just wouldn’t have worked.

Fought sleep as if it was a personal insult (as a teenage likes his sleep now but still finds it hard to fall asleep).

He was first investigated by the HV aged 3 and was diagnosed aged 6.

Thank you for your replies...

We have lots of meltdowns... he finds it so hard to regulate his emotions (I know this is a toddler thing too).... he's very impulsive. Would throw toys, try and bite, hit out etc. He is definitely a runner which is difficult when we are out and about. He never stops during the day at all.. always doing something.. bouncing on the beds/sofas... climbing whatever is possible, jumping from sofas, climbs on the table, benches etc and jumps off.

He had a little speech delay, coming on great now and speech and language have discharged us. The only thing I will say is he is a great sleeper. Getting to sleep is the problem but when he is asleep he loves his sleep.

He does not seem to retain info eg if theres a consequence for naughty behaviour... I do feel when he is saying he won't do something again he thinks he won't and then 2 seconds later he's doing the exact same thing he was on time out for.
I feel judged at times when we are out and about which I find hard, it seems like I've zero control over him

my DD has ADHD and suspected autism. At 3.5 I’d say we were averaging 10-15 meltdowns a day, incredibly physical and on the go, and good gross motor skills (could cycle, skateboard, roller skate). Would not sit still to play. a friend gave me a photo of me running after her cycling with her roller skates on the other day. I can laugh now 15 years on, but she ran me ragged.

Would not wear what she was supposed to, v idiosyncratic and independent. Always climbing, bouncing. V rigid re foods, on lower percentiles as didn’t want to sit long to eat. But she slept - as she was on the go from 7am til 6pm, then out like a light with v structured bed time routine.

I can relate to the not sitting for a meal... takes alot longer than it should. If I don't end up feeding him he wouldn't eat meals.. he could get up 20x during one meal... to have a run around the house... jump or dance, do a lap of the back garden 🤣

Did anything help? I've been told different vitamins. I have him on magnesium and omega 3 from mighty kids range to see if it'll help.

Did she struggle throughout school? My worry is school. He will be for nursery in September and I wonder how that will be for him. Altho the structure and stimulation is exactly what he needs.

A more marginal case as we aren’t formally diagnosed yet, but are with a paediatrician and the formal diagnosis will be for medication. At that age he was very very active, pretty nonstop, would have meltdowns if thwarted, a poor sleeper especially going to bed, would happily stay up and party. He ate a lot, he needed the energy. We put him in gymnastics for the right mix of following instructions while getting to move enough, the ball sports at that age were more constant movement and we really wanted him to develop his listening and following instructions.

My dd has autism and adhd.

she was one of two twins. Her brother was harder work at 3.5 as he had more tantrums.
she is very intelligent, no problems at school.

I have been thinking about gymnastics - I am able to take him at the minute but next year he would be attending alone- how did your child manage in terms of listening etc following instructions?
What age is your child now? Would they still be as active/non stop?

”high needs”,

Needed full time supervision constantly. I couldn’t leave him in a room alone at all or he would be opening windows to climb out of.

Climbing EVERYTHING. Climb curtains to swing from curtain pole, walking along window sills, top of sofa/chairs/ cabinets/furniture.

He would systematically empty drawers/cupboards, storage/toy boxes.

Couldn’t sit through any more than 1-2 minutes of a Disney film for example, before the credits had ended, he was off.

Could never take him to the cinema because he would be tearing up and down the stairs, or trying to get behind the screen.

Birthday parties with a bouncy castle meant he would make a beeline for the “engine” or working parts of it to take it to pieces, press buttons or pull it to pieces. Zero interest in bouncing on the thing.

Play groups were so challenging because he wouldn’t sit and do the activities, painting meant paint on floors, tipped up or thrown, toys taken to pieces and dismantled not played with.

He skilfully dismantled things like stair gates & high chairs, could climb out and escape shopping trollies, car seats in seconds. Often appeared next to me while I was driving along as a tiny toddler.

Didn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours every night. Finally slept the full night at aged 5 when at full time school.
School called me in a lot, complaining that he would sit still at carpet time, didn’t concentrate etc etc.

What was markedly outstandingly glaringly obvious was that he was COMPLETELY different to family & friends kids of the same age.
I actually stopped visiting others homes because it was so stressful and I could see how they dreaded us turning up.
I was constantly on high alert, stressed and desperately struggling with no respite, sleep or help from anywhere.

Now, as a grown up, best human being in the world. Found his interest, found his groove and is doing what he should be doing. All worth it but dear god, what a ride to get here!

Didn’t sleep but had audiobooks on an iPod that played all night. Her grasp of language was exceptional. Epic tantrums from 18 months - 2 1/2. She used to hold her breath when she hurt herself and end up on the floor so was covered in bruises. Problems with friendships from about 5 - found boys easier than girls. Extremely talkative.
I did end up taking her for a neurological exam. In retrospect it was all ADHD. Didn’t know anything about it then.

The climbing up things mentioned above gave me a wry smile - anything my DS could climb he would climb, also including lampposts! He told me at 2 years old he no longer wanted to go to playgroups - from that point on we were outdoors, in parks mainly, whatever the weather. He was a ball of energy, an agent of chaos 😆 Getting him out to run off energy was a must, but transitions are hard for him so getting him to leave the house was tricky - I'd often have to scoop him up partly dressed & take clothes & shoes out for him to put on outside after lots of frustrating trying to get him to get ready to go out. He didn't start regularly napping during the day till he was 2.5, & then stopped doing that after a few weeks, & didn't start sleeping through the night till he was 4. Getting him to go to bed was a trial! One night, DH & I decided to leave it up to him, to see if he would realise he was tired & needed bed, but that didn't happen, he just got more & more frenetic so we never did that again! We didn't know he had ADHD till he started secondary, so I just thought he was a very energetic kid or I was getting parenting wrong. He's my only child & there aren't many boys in my family so I had little to compare his behaviour with. With hindsight, his fear of reading out loud at primary school and inability to learn his times tables then - despite much effort from me & his teachers - were also indicators. (He's learned to tell the time, the sequence of calendar months & the alphabet in sequence as an adult). Also, I used to be amazed when other kids would follow instructions/just do what their parents asked them. Eg, I'd have to ask him over and over again to do something simple like put his shoes on & couldn't ask him to do more than one thing at any time. He got into scooter riding at skateparks - we live in London so there are plenty here - & he would spend all his spare time running off his energy at them - I was a 'skatepark mom', sitting quietly in a corner of the park reading, for hours on end! 😂 He's a young grown-up now &, others may have other advice, but in my experience what's needed is endless patience & kindness as kids with ADHD can be very sensitive & intuitive, a very healthy diet, a good sleep routine (tho this can be hard to achieve), lots of exercise, parents modelling good behaviour eg re smoking, drinking, so your kid doesn't see these things as easy ways to self-soothe, medication - my DS decided against that & has struggled a lot with dealing with his inner chaos, but I've seen how it has been a game-changer for other kids. My DS is now telling me he needed strong leadership from his dad - his dad is very gentle & quiet, & my DS needed a more authoritative male force helping him feel more stable (not authoritarian, I hasten to add). I was more 'the authority', but he's telling me, as a teenager, he needed his dad to be more that (perhaps that's true of teenagers/boys generally, but perhaps especially a lad who's dealing with ADHD). It's a cliche, but I would say realising you must parent the child you've got rather than the one you expected helps! x

Oh yeah, extremely talkative - OMG, did not shut up! 😆

Your son sounds identical to mine, he’s 4.5 and on waitlist for NHS ASD assessment (I imagine in future he will be diagnosed adhd too). I thought the hitting would never stop but after a LOT of work between us parents and his nursery staff he can now stop himself from hitting/kicking etc. I’d say he stopped around 4 , just wanted to reassure you that things can get better ! He still gets very cross and is still very impulsive though.

Whilst I dont have a diagnosis, im ADHD for sure (Female, 58).

By 4 I had taught myself to read, and I could write - albeit backwards, mirror like. I was an avid reader - but only if I had decided I liked an author.

I recall my parents sending me to all manner of clubs, including Sunday School, to keep me occupied because I was a nightmare otherwise.

Mine also won’t shut up! He had speech delay and speech therapy. Now he’s constantly narrating what he’s doing, constantly nagging us, constantly asking me maths questions when I’m trying to do something. I’ll be trying to parallel park (not my strong point) and he’ll be shouting “what’s 104+73+4” and almost gets anxious/stressed when I don’t respond straight away 🤪

I'm thinking the over-talking is a way of externalising - I have to do this, to brain dump through writing lists, journalling, sharing my valuable & extensive thoughts with DH 😆 - thinking our DC are having to do this

DS is 14 and has a dx of inattentive ADHD.

At 3.5 he had quite a large vocabulary of individual words but didn't put sentences together very much and used quite a lot of repetitive nonsense phrases. Wasn't very coordinated, for example couldn't do a standing jump. Only just dry during the day at that age and still using pull ups at night. Still obviously very bright and alert - didn't ask many questions, but when he did they were interesting ones.

Another thing - at school, lost anything that wasn't attached to him!

Thanks everyone for your replies. Very helpful. We obviously can't be referred as yet... I don't think he has ASD... the health visitor days there is ADHD traits... however there is nothing we can do at this stage.
I just worry so much for the future.. Will he struggle.. academically, or to make friendships etc. Breaks my heart even thinking about it.
He's the most lovable wee child but extremely hard work as he is non stop. Complete opposite to my other son.

My ds is 18 now and had an sad\add diagnosis at 7.

Flushed everything down the loo like toy cars.

Climbed anything,including the ten foot wire fence in to a bowls club.
Had melt downs in the car if you put your seatbelt on,he wanted to do everyones belt . Same with walking to nursery,big melt downs if he wasn't the one in the front. Tricky as I was a childminder.

Loved fish but god help me if I took the head off his mackerel.

Had speech therapy at four.

Always slept well and no issues with food and that has stayed the same.

People running football clubs and beavers couldn't cope with him.Always jumping on people for a piggy back.
I'll think of more things in sure

Ds was diagnosed at 13, struggled all through school, but wasn't necessarily like those mentioned above, so I thought I'd post to give another example of ADHD!

He was very active and he never sat for long at a table to draw, or in church (he'd be up again after a few minutes at most) - but he could sit on the floor for a long time if he was engaged in a special interest - at that age it was the film Cars and playing with his cars. He also focused well on TV and could sit through a film. I later realised that being able to focus very well on special interests can be a feature of ADHD (at 6, he could spend hours building a lego set, but he couldn't listen at all in class). He slept ok, once he went off, although he was a night owl and he hated mornings.

His focus/concentration was terrible, unless it related to a special interest (see above!), so getting him to listen to stories being read was almost impossible. He always seemed to be in his own world - it was quite hard to get him onto your subject!

At toddler groups (he went until school) he was the only child who wouldn't sit for the story/song time initially - I can't recall timings, but he might have been willing to sit for a bit by 3.5, but he definitely wouldn't sing or do actions. He never did, but it wasn't a rebellious thing, more that he didn't seem to understand the expectations or even notice what other people were doing! This continued throughout primary.

He was very loud and impulsive and he had absolutely no volume control. I can't remember when he finally learned to whisper but it was very late. He never hit other children, so thankfully the impulsivity didn't get him into trouble that way, but he shouted out and said inappropriate things, which became an issue in secondary.

Again thanks for all your replies.. interesting to hear different experiences.
Volume is a struggle here and he is extremely impulsive. We've just spent dinner me spoonfeeding him around the kitchen whilst he pretended to be a gymnast. 20mins after the rest of us had finished. He's more than capable of feeding himself but he literally won't, only snacks because he can't sit long enough!
As I've said, obviously he can't be referred yet but I'm absolutely adamant he has ADHD and although every tells me "he's just a toddler" I know it's more than...

My son came home
from hospital and his eyes didn’t stop moving around. He was a nightmare sleeper and didn’t sleep through until he was about ten months old. I couldn’t take him to meet friends at coffee shops as he would just cry all the time. Primary school years and secondary school teachers all said the same that he is highly intelligent but doesn’t focus. His GCSEs were awarded to him as it was Covid. It was only during sixth form be started struggling and was diagnosed with adhd after he finished his ALevels. He struggles with his emotions and keeping jobs and stupid life choices but looking back now I think how did we not notice.

It's true what they say... hindsight is a wonderful thing. We can't always get it right.

Strange i have just posted about my 3.5 year old tantrums then came across this.
My little one is very similar and i do have similar concerns albeit know it’s too young.
The tantrums are wild, he’s sooo strong willed, and i don’t know how but very manipulating? He’s SO clever it’s wild to me, he said tell me what we did a random day in June last year, could tell me what he ate, what he was wearing, what the weather was like. the energy is crazy and he just constantly tests boundaries, gets told off, says sorry, says he won’t do it again and then 2 mins later there he is doing it without a care in the world. Tbh i don’t know how to handle it all very well he’s so different from my other friends kids, but they sound so similar- sending sanity to you haha!