17mo with huge separation anxiety and aversion to unexpected loud noises…

[Theotherside2]

I wondered if anyone could offer some reassurance please.

My 17mo used to be fine with things like going on the train and going to rhyme time groups. But, since he was about 15mo, he’s become very distressed at them and will cry and sob when the singing/music starts, or when he gets on the train.

He also seems to be experiencing huge separation anxiety right now. At home, if his dad leaves the room he will point to the door and say ‘hmm?’ as if to ask where he’s gone. But if I leave the room, he will sometimes get very briefly upset.

At nursery, he is getting upset at handover and I am told can take 20 minutes to settle. For the past week, he’s also been upset at home time when he hears the bell go but it’s other babies being picked up instead of him - in other words, he realises I’m not there.

I’m wondering if these things are anything outside the norm at this age please? Or if your little one was similar, when did they grow out of it - if at all?

Thank you.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. He will have made the connection between the sound of the doorbell and a parent collecting their child, so will be disappointed when it’s not him being collected. If he’s used to spending more time with you than his father, he may be more upset when you leave the room.

When did your LO start nursery? My DS is 20 months and started nursery at 18-19 months. The seperation anxiety kicked in and has been exactly how your LO sounds. It is distressing leaving them when they're so upset so you're not alone!

Our DS was only going 1 day a week but we found adding an extra afternoon helped so there wasn't a huge gap between visits and I keep drop off very short. Hug and kiss when getting him out of the car so when we get to nursery I'd just walk him inside, say "have fun, see you later, love you!" And leave. Keeping the drop offs really short has helped so much. The less time I spend saying goodbye the quicker he's been settling once I've left.

With the loud noises, my LO would bang on everything in the house but as soon as another LO started banging in nursery it would unsettled him again (ironically) but with time this has gone away as he's more comfortable in the environment and around so many other LOs.

He started nursery at 13mo. He was upset at drop off to begin with but it was okay after that. But this recent escalation in separation anxiety is huge, and worrying. After all, I get the feeling that the other children are fine at pick up time, it’s just my boy who is getting so upset.

And, I don’t see any other children getting so distressed with the loud noises either.

All sounds normal.

My oldest was the same. And it continued right the way through reception and into Y1. It's not easy in the moment but we were able to support him and help him and it gradually got better. He is now in his late 20s and has travelled the world! Currently living his best life abroad!

Thank you. I hope it is normal, it’s just that I don’t see or hear about this extent of separation anxiety among my friendship group; ditto the huge upset at loud noises. So I’m always worried at the back of my mind that there is more to it.