Do I need to persuade DD to get to sleep by herself before the baby comes?

[Maenad]

I fear I already know the answer to this question, but I suppose I am hoping that there may be people out there with two DCs who still managed to sit with the first one till they dropped off to sleep, even after the second was born.....

DD is 3.6 and I sit in her room till she goes to sleep. I know I probably could sort this out if I felt determined enough, but we co-slept till a year ago and she really wants me there. If I don't need to get her upset over this I'd rather not! Do you think I absolutely have to change the routine before the new baby arrives, or is there a way of making it still work?? I don't have much of a picture of how you manage to get two children to bed under any circumstances really!

OMG!! I have no idea how you could acheive this - hopefully someone else will come along and help. My DD positively wants to go to her bed when she is tired. It will bu utterly knackering for you to do that with a newbie surely?

Ummm should say yes, but am still staying with my 4yr old DS until he is asleep, whilst DD 2yrs goes happily into bed on her own! Will try to stop this soonish but not looking forward to it! Good luck!

plus3 - what did you do before your DD could go to bed on her own? Were you sitting with your DS then?

You don't have to change the routine, no. If you're planning to breastfeed, you could sit in your DD's room doing that just as easily as downstairs.

You sound exactly like us! ds is 3.6 and coslept until just over a year ago. He's the same as your dd now, and we feel the same as you do.
We read Elizabeth Pantley's "no cry sleep solution" for toddlers, there's sme good practical advice in there about gradually "weaning" them off needing you there to sleep, some of it focuses on breastfeeding but it's easy to apply the principles without it obviously.
ds seems to need the reassurance when he goes to sleep so what's been working is for me to say I'll be back in 1 min, then going out again saying I'll be back in 2, etc etc. He knows I'm coming back so doesn't get anxious but in the meantime is settling himself. We're currently at me popping in every 10 mins, and if he tries really hard to go to sleep (for us that means lying as still as he can, not twiddling with his teddies (!), closing eyes) then he gets a sticker on his chart. 5 stickers = little prize (it was a little hotwheels car) and 10 = surprise. We're at 9, but tonight he tried really hard so tomorrow the 10th sticker will be awarded This is the second round of stickers and it's really keeping him motivated, I think at this age they have to want to try for themselves rather than just being guided without a full explanation iyswim like a much younger child.

Also, while we've been doing our 20 nights of "good sleeping" he's been getting more and more comfortable with being by himself and gently dropping off. It's working, gradually!

Failing that, what about a sling then your new baby can go to sleep in that while you settle your dd, then you can put him/her down afterwards?!

I still cosleep with my 2 year old. No regrets but am about to move him into his room - if you've done the slowly slowly approach you'll probably not want to do the 'goodnight - you can cry all you want to' approach now. Enlist all the help you can get and yes, I guess you can breastfeed and put your older one to bed.

25month age gap here and we managed just fine with putting DD1 to bed. Initially DD2 seemed to sleep at DD1s bedtime, then feeed in the evening. Once I started the same bedtime for both we just all snuggled up into DD1s bed with DD2 latched on. Either DD1 fell asleep as usual or she didn't and told me to put DD2 to bed. Whichever, it was a lovely time and I wouldn't have changed it.

Hm.... LydiaLunch, that sounds lovely. Gives me hope! On the other hand kitbit, your approach sounds as though it's working really well... I like the no-cry sleep solution too. Aargh. Not sure at all what I should do. I sort of feel like I could put a whole lot of effort into making her settle on her own, and it would only solve about 15 mins worth of the evening issue really by the time I've done stories & songs and loo trips. But what if it does turn out to be a problem? I wouldn't want to be trying to sort it out after the baby arrives - I imagine that would go down pretty badly with DD.

Hi Maenad,

Slightly different circumstances here, i'm not expecting a lo. But I have recently started the transition into a big girls bed for my dd who will be 2 next month. We have always co-slept and like you I would rather not make see her cry.

Our routine has worked very well for us at the moment. And after just over a week she now manages to go to sleep on her own. She doesn't stay there all night but it's a start.

Basically, we go up at bedtime. I sit in her room on a chair with the curtains drawn and a low lamp on. I read her a few stories (try to vary them abit each night) while I breastfeed her. We then read the last story which is always the same. It's all about going to sleep. She knows that's the end of story time then. I give her a kiss and a cuddle, give her dolly and put her down. I then sing a lullaby to her give her another kiss and tell her night night. Then I leave the room. If she ever gets a bit whingy I tell her that I will be back in a bit to check on her (I always go back, she is usually asleep).

This has worked really well for us with minimal crying (I can't stand her upset). The only thing is that she still doesn't settle well if she wakes up at night so she comes back in with us. She seems to get really upset and needy during the night, so we're still working on that. But I feel very strongly that we should move at her pace, I feel she will be more contented then.

Of course you may decide just to keep sitting in with her, and that's fine if that works for you. Just wanted to give yo some experience of another soft mum.

HTH

sorry DD is still in a cot! (just about to go into a bed) so were always able to do her bedtime first or DH would her put her into her cot wave goodnight and blow out the light and back out of the room quickly! She has always been wonderful about her bedtime..just hope that it continues

DS has always been difficult to go to bed - maybe because he was in our room for longer than maybe we would have liked when a baby. DD moved out at 6mths,whereas he was in with us until 18mths [shock grin] due to a lack of space before we moved.

Thanks everybody! I think I am grimly resigned to the idea that I do need to get this sorted out. Just need to figure out the best way to present it to her... she's a bit bloody minded and doesn't necessarily respond well to attempts at bribery!