4 months - please tell me it’ll get better

[fluffyprawn]

My baby boy is approaching 4 months old and I’m really struggling. He has been a relatively easy baby so far with only 2 night wakes and not too much crying. For the last week he just seems so frustrated at everything and all his toys, now hates the car, the carrier AND the pram and only naps a few times a day for 30ish mins at a time (only on me). I’ve heard this is part of the four month regression/progression, which is natural.

The thing is, all the other mums from my antenatal class are posting pictures of themselves out and about at farms, restaurants and even holidays. I literally can’t leave the house at the moment as he just screams when put in the pram or carrier or car and doesn’t stop. I spend my whole day just walking around holding him inside the house as that seems like the only thing he’s ok with. I spent today in tears as I felt so frustrated with him and then so guilty for feeling that way (I try not to let him see me cry etc). Am I doing something wrong?? I feel so tired and sad. I miss exercise and being outside so much, let alone having any time to myself. I think I prepared for not getting to do anything I want for a while but I didn’t mentally prepare for not being able to leave the house. I love him so much and feel guilty for even typing this out!

I hear you and I know how tough this is. You’re doing such a brilliant job. Have you tried a carrier or sling so you can get out and about? If you google Sling Library you’ll find one near you, they will help you find one that you both like and loan it to you to try before you buy one.

Also I know this might not be advice that works for you but if he’s in the pram, he’s safe. It’s ok to put him in the pram and walk to the shop or to the cafe, even if he’s crying. I know it’s hard and feels awful but if all his needs are met then don’t forget your needs too. Put some headphones in, put him in the pram, and walk. If he cries the whole time then fine, maybe try again in a few days, but you mind find after a while that the rhythmic movement settles him.

Mine was exactly like this at 4 months. She stopped napping and was just awake and bored. Honestly I just went out anyway, being in the house made it worse as more bored!! Go to baby friendly things, no one cares if your baby cries; obviously dont go to a posh restaurant. Do you have local baby groups/sensory/playgroups? Mine always loved swimming as well and tired her out. Go and walk somewhere away from others jf you find that easier. It does get easier, mine was happier once she could sit and move a bit more.

Ah poor thing. It doesn't sound normal to be crying all day. Does he have reflux? Allergies? If you're formula feeding maybe he's gassy and uncomfortable? Or maybe had some of the contaminated milk?

Maybe he is crying when lying down because it hurts him or he just wants to see more. Have you thought about converting your pram to a sitting up position? That might help. Also sometimes when you're actually out in the fresh air they stop crying as they're distracted by the sights and sounds.

Sometimes I would go for a walk with mine crying and my music blasting on my ears for sanity's sake. You just need to do what you can to get through this first bit, it'll be over before you know it.

Also fuck those Instagram mums. They're not going to be posting the struggle, are they? ;)

Of course it gets better. Parenting is very up and down. You've maybe had an easy ride the last month or 2, now having a couple of hard weeks. Likelihood is that it will pass.

I did at times ask DH to take annual leave and take the baby so I could go out, it was around this age. You need a break. Everyone does.

Just wanted to come on to say I found the four-six month stage pretty boring! They’re old enough to want to be entertained but not old enough to be remotely entertaining themselves 😂 with both mine I thought 6 months+ got a lot better when they could sit, play, engage and then it just got more fun from there. Also four month sleep regressions with both so I know it can be difficult around this age. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can though and a really good job, plus don’t feel guilty, you’re not obligated to enjoy every age and stage, there are some boring/difficult ones and that’s ok!

It’s been a week, all people, children, babies have better and worse weeks when they aren’t feeling themselves.
Until literally last week you were the mum at days out, restaurant etc with the easy baby.

You can still take a crying baby out. After walking for half an hour in the pram they might even stop.

You have to just roll with the bad weeks, do what you can to make it easy in the day, easy food on hand, nice drinks, go out for a walk when the sun pops out even if baby is crying etc and then enlist your partner when he returns home so you can recharge. Make a coffee and go on a walk as soon as he gets home to “commute” home from your day at work and allow yourself time to decompress. If the baby is fussy over dinner make sure your partner holds them and not you.

You can’t always change a baby’s temperament, sometimes it’s more about making the best of a shit day.

Thank you for all your kind words💛 @PinkCrab I had never heard of Sling Library but this gives me hope! I think I will try a pram walk tomorrow and carry on if he’s crying rather than hurry home. He is safe and warm after all.

He did used to have reflux but I thought that period was over - maybe not! I am exclusively breastfeeding so can’t be contaminated milk.

Thank you again everyone - it’s comforting to know I’m not alone

I just remembered, it was around this age (maybe closer to 5 months), that my baby started being VERY distracted and aware of his surroundings. We had a few weeks where I could only breastfeed at home, in his nursery, in the dark, otherwise he would not feed and then scream in hunger and try to feed ALL night.

Fun times.

is he still in the bassinet in the pram? Whate about transitioning to the sitting up seat so he can see you?

It will get better. Hang in there.

It does get better i promise. For me, both my girls were so much more content when they could sit independently and play with toys. They were just so much happier in general and things started to get a bit brighter from there.
I used to panic that they cried in the car/pram etc but actually they always had a little cry before going to sleep and it was probably just a mild protest because they were tired. I would keep trying if I was you and carry on for a few minutes to see if the cry is simply because they are tired, they may just need that little cry before nodding off.

He might want to look around. When my second was this age she hated the bassinet but was too small to sit up in the pram, so I would click the carseat onto the pram so she could look around. It let her enjoy walks until she was big enough to sit up.

4 months can be quite a hard age as they no longer just sleep all the time but they also can’t do anything. The sling library is a good idea and I agree try to persevere with getting out if you can. Does he fall asleep in the car after a little bit? Mine always yells about getting in but is fine once we get going. If so, you could always have a little drive and then sit in the car for a bit while he sleeps. I used to do that with my eldest from time to time, I’d watch some tv on a tablet or read a book and have a cup of tea (all in the car on my drive once she was asleep!) so she’d have a decent nap. Also if contact naps work then just go with it, get some snacks and put a movie on, don’t bother trying to put him down

As PP have said, definitely try converting your pram to reclined seat. At 4 months my baby got incredibly distressed if I put him in the pram (not just a bit grumpy - really inconsolable) and hated the sling too. I ended up carrying him in a cradle hold if we had to go out (very difficult) but mostly just stayed home (depressing). I tried converting to rear facing seat and he was instantly fine going out and about. Absolute game changer. Good luck, and it will absolutely get better one way or another, even though it probably feels like it never will.

Same - too old to be asleep all day but not old enough to actually do anything. He didn’t mind being in the pram though so I walked, and walked, and walked….