When does it really get easier? It does it ever?

[SwordFishh]

Really when does it get easier? Or maybe it doesn’t till they are adults? Please don’t say when they are at school as they go to school but in some ways it’s actually worse (I mean it is for me anyway) I’m so exhausted and feel like it will only get better when they are grown up which still feels a long way off and sometimes feels like I’m wishing their childhood away.

School age here too, and I'm not sure it ever does. In some ways it's harder now then it's ever been, for us at least.

How old are your children, and what exactly is it you are finding so hard?

I found it all quite intense until ~2.5, when I wasn’t having to watch / supervise / entertain every moment of the day and they began sleeping consistently.

Yes exactly, them starting school has been way worse for me it was easier before that’s for sure.

Mine still don't even sleep 😭

I think it got easier when you could leave the house without them. Starting with a quick trip to the shops, without bundling unwilling children, pushchairs, nappies, etc.
Then when you can leave them for longer, an evening out or even a doctor's appointment.

It's all challenging and it all has upsides as well.

Honestly, for me it got easier when in school and toilet trained. Yes you have juggling the school run, but the actual parenting is slightly less fraught, IMO. I wouldn't go through potty trained again if you paid me handsomely - worst stage ever.

I hear you; mine are both older now (11 & 12) and it still feels so intense. They wake up at 7 and don’t go to bed until much later; I found earlier bed times and naps easier. There are SO MANY HOURS to fill. I have to work really hard to stop them being on screens as neither would self regulate unless I intervened.

Sports clubs dominate any weekend time and I feel like I always have to be in the house whilst they come and go as they please (they’re lovely children btw, and I encourage them to play out with their friends but whereas previously we might all head out together to say, an NT property, I just feel stuck inside).

They are 8 11 13 and 14 and everything is a struggle. It’s honestly the whole thing. They were easier when they were little.

What are you struggling with op? Having time to yourself? Their behaviour? What exactly? It’s hard to advise when you just say “everything”

Life has got far easier now my youngest is in school nursery. But that's mainly because I'm a sahm and I have that breathing time when she's there (only half days). If I was working when she was there I wouldn't have any more time for myself. She can also do far more things for herself, almost all the toileting, fetching things, she will often play independently or when we sit together to play it's more interesting.

Being a parent, it isn’t one specific thing. Just parenting in general.

Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to parent in the “right” way? Eg. Make sure they eat healthily all the time/strict bedtimes/adhere to a specific parenting style etc? I found it got easier when I let go of all that stuff a bit, became more relaxed and realised that as long as I give them plenty of love and some basic boundaries they’ll be absolutely fine. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t get them to bed till 9pm some nights or they eat fish fingers 3 nights in a row. If it takes the pressure off you and allows you to not get stressed with them it makes you a better parent. Focus on the important stuff and don’t feel guilty about not being a “perfect” parent. That made things easier for me anyway

No definitely not trying to be perfect

Maybe it would help people give you advice if you gave some examples of what you’re struggling with in particular?

Everything, as I said it’s not one thing, just parenting in general.

I think the fact you have four is significant, and 4 at or approaching teen years. I recall the years from 11 to about 15 requirung industrial levels of shopping, catering and laundry. Then teenage angst and parties arrived. When the party stage arrived, the best but of advice I received was to keep a bucket in the car. Easier to aim.

I think the issue is probably to do with the ages your kids span. You have all the 'hard stuff' that comes with teens but none of the independence because you still have an 8 year old.

I'm not sure waiting for things to suddenly get better is the answer. What can you do right now to make life easier or more enjoyable? I know you say it's 'everything' but there must be some specifics you can tackle?

Well life is much more enjoyable in the holidays and half terms but that is a long way off just yet

In my case preschool and school age was substantially easier than the earlier years. I found it much more intense when you have to watch them every second, stop them from falling, eating things off the ground.
Once you can go out without packing or planning, hold a proper conversation etc it was enjoyable and more rewarding.

4 children? Was this not your choice or something?

I find the responsibility relentless, a the worrying about them. Just knowing I will be a parent forever is enough to make me quite twitchy tbh. My dc are 15 and 13 and relatively easy dc. Even that entails a huge amount of responsibility and thinking and energy. Im not sure I would do it again, knowing what I do now. I feel you op!

I think 4 kids is always going to be tough. I stopped at one child because I found it much harder than I thought it would be! Parenting is so hands on nowadays, you can’t just chuck them out with their friends and ignore them all day like my parents did 😂

They were easier when they were little that’s why I had 4 it was much more enjoyable.

I found 6-8/9 the golden years as they were getting to be independent but still thought you were the centre of their world, then puberty and they get stroppy, defiant, just when schooling becomes extremely important, not to mention (though here I am) first gf/bf, alcohol, drugs, exam stress, etc etc.
You also have four kids! That is a lot. I have two and found that quite enough to deal with.
My kids are 20 and 22. Day to day no issues - the 22 year old lives on his own and works. The 20 year old is away at uni. I’m just starting to see the other side, but they still take up a huge amount of my brain space.

I remember someone telling me, when I was in the newborn trenches, that it doesn’t get better it just gets different!
My DC are in their forties now, with their own DC, so practically things are pretty low key, but the worry never goes away. In some ways I find this harder - when they were little most problems were easily resolved, but watching adult DC go through fertility struggles, redundancy, health scares etc. is very hard. Oh for the days when I could just kiss it better!