10 year old has no friends.

[thatswhatshesaid36]

DD has gone from being one of the most popular girls in the class to having only one friend over the last month.

We would turn up at school, and a group of girls would always come find DD in the car park, or run straight over to her, would always be asking to come over for tea or sleepovers. Then one girl decided she didn’t like her, and lives near and is close to some other girls, who seem to have followed suit. Before half term I invited her best friend over for a sleepover and day our, which all seemed to go fine on the day, but when coming back to school the girl says she doesn’t like DD anymore. There’s been instances of slight bullying - passing notes around the class saying “write one thing you don’t like about DD”, someone called her a “pick me”, a “bitch”, someone called her fat etc.

its left me really scratching my head honestly. It’s not long since all those girls came for a birthday party with DD and all seemed to have a great time, I don’t know what’s happened in the space of a few weeks. I feel so sad for DD and I worry about her all the time at school
now, and she’s asking to go to a different school or be homeschooled.

I’m trying to facilitate days out or sleepovers with the one girl she is still friends with, and her cousin who she’s really close to, and talking her through all her school troubles. Im just wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how I can best support her through this?

Have you had a chat with the teacher OP? He or she may have some ideas about what is going on and how to approach it. IME teachers in this age group (is she in year 5 or year 6?) are used to handling friendship issues.

What a bunch of nasty little bitches . At only 10 years old 😡. Definitely need to tell teachers about these notes . It's the only way to go although gosh it does make you want throttle them .

Oh poor love, this is horrible. Unfortunately it’s often psychological warfare with girls, my daughter used to have similar. It won’t be long before your daughter is back in and another has been chosen to be kicked out of the group

I’d be going in quite hard with the school about this, the passing notes especially is really nasty. Often at that age once they’re pulled up on it they’ll (hopefully) feel bad and it’ll all be worked out

definitely keeps focusing on her cousin and any friends she still has. Try to keep her confidence up and explain that unfortunately sometimes people are just nasty a there’s nothing we can do, we can only control our own behaviour. I hope it’s resolved quickly, she shouldn’t be dealing with this

Yes, teacher is aware. There’s been some instances of things posted online that DD has seen through her cousins phone (she’s a teenager) that we save and have shown the school, and actually even spoke to the main girls mum about. Sadly she couldn’t really care less.

there’s been instances of slight bullying - passing notes around the class saying “write one thing you don’t like about DD”, someone called her a “pick me”, a “bitch”, someone called her fat etc.

I wouldn't say that was "slight" bullying, would you? I would say that was full-on bullying.

No - you’re right. That only happened this week, up to then the nastiness has been tamer. I was straight into school when this happened.

Thank you. One remaining friend is coming for a sleepover this weekend - im just hoping it doesn’t give the other girls any ammunition.

You need to go back to the school.

And online comments is harassment.

Spell it out to the school, op.

The poor kid!

It's sadly very common for a pack mentality to develop among girls in Y5-6 and to isolate one or two girls – my poor DD went through the same in primary. I don't know if it's hormones or access to social media, but it's horrible to deal with as a parent. I recommend making a total nuisance of yourself with the school about what they're doing to stop it, because it's flat-out bullying.

Have you only dealt with the class teacher so far? If so, ask to see the school's policy on dealing with bullies (or check if it's on website) and if you don't think it's being adhered to, escalate to a formal complaint to the headteacher. They need to understand that your DD is asking to be homeschooled because it's got so bad. As for your DD, keep reiterating that it's not her at fault, it's them for being cruel and keep up the get togethers with the friends who are still being nice. Don't waste your time reaching out to the mums of the bully group though – I found they close ranks as much as their kids did. There was definitely an element of 'thank god it's not my kid being singled out'.

Slight bullying? No- this is bullying full stop, nothing slight about it!! I would be at that school every day until this was dealt with. Do you know the parents? I'd be horrified if my daughter was doing this to one of her friends and would want to know.

Is online abuse not a criminal offense now ? I know you probably can't prosecute under age girls - still can't believe they are only ten - but I would want the school to highlight it and contact these girls parents. Might be different if they realise how seriously you are taking it .
I hate this for your daughter and for you too. 💐

Can't her cousin go and have a word with them? Give them a scare? When I had issues with some girls, my older sister had a word and they left me alone after.

The age of criminality is 10, so theoretically these girls could be charged. Whether the abuse meets the threshold is another matter, but I agree that OP should raise that with the teacher to pass on to other parents so they are clear about the risks.

I suggest you get hold of this book - it is about the dynamics in some girls' friendship groups.

Not all groups are likevthis. Your daughter is attracted to this group but there will be other girls she hasn't considered. Maybe try to help her find them?
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