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Parenting

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Original poster

looking for a handhold

7 replies

Turtleyturtles · 25/02/2026 14:29

I just need someone to tell me it's okay. My DS7 refused to go to school this morning so I had to take the morning off. Yet more time off work after after half term which was hard enough. I was SO looking forward to a nice quiet day at work catching up after all the stress of half term. I just need a handhold because it feels like no one understands how hard it can be. I talked to DS about why he didn't want to go and he created a booklet with pictures and words explaining the reasons. I'm sure if I can talk to the teacher this afternoon and take the booklet in she can put things in place to help him and will go back tomorrow.

I just wanted to type this and get it out because I feel overwhelmed thinking about it all, how much I have to and how hard it all is. Grandparents don't live nearby so can't help, their dad (my ex) is hopeless. So it's all down to me. Rant over. I think I just need a handhold if anyone is there.

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Nurseposter123 · 25/02/2026 14:37

This sounds super hard OP.

We need structure to parent better, including work and time away. Does he have any additional needs? Is the school SENco involved to support? School refusal is so tough.

I think focussing today on getting him back in tomorrow is key. Perhaps tell him he must - it really depends on his distress/needs here. It's easier said than done.

Sending a hug, parenting is hard especially solo with no support.

Original poster

Turtleyturtles · 25/02/2026 14:41

Nurseposter123 · 25/02/2026 14:37

This sounds super hard OP.

We need structure to parent better, including work and time away. Does he have any additional needs? Is the school SENco involved to support? School refusal is so tough.

I think focussing today on getting him back in tomorrow is key. Perhaps tell him he must - it really depends on his distress/needs here. It's easier said than done.

Sending a hug, parenting is hard especially solo with no support.

Thank you, I agree, we do need better structure. No additional needs no. I did say "you must" but it made no difference, he just dug in further. I think I have understand what he needs and it should be straight forward for the teacher to put in place. I will try to focus just on today, I think I am catastrophising well into the future about what might happen which isn't helping! I think it's also about expectations. Today was a day to get on top of things! Aargh, thanks for listening.

OP posts:

Tel12 · 25/02/2026 14:44

I think that at 7 it's not optional. Couldn't you have just taken him by the hand? You've possibly set a precedent.

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Nurseposter123 · 25/02/2026 14:46

One thing I did with my DS was to dress up as if I was going out to work. Big meeting (pretend) - treat at the end of the day. Lots of positive reinforcement.

Lots of people have told me not to focus on myself but actually it's important (with no additional needs) to be clear that mummy must work to provide his fun/holiday/toys etc.

That said I would check in with him no bullying etc so you have covered those bases.
Wishing you lots of luck. It's all a phase...hopefully!:)

Autumngirl5 · 25/02/2026 14:47

Nurseposter123 · 25/02/2026 14:46

One thing I did with my DS was to dress up as if I was going out to work. Big meeting (pretend) - treat at the end of the day. Lots of positive reinforcement.

Lots of people have told me not to focus on myself but actually it's important (with no additional needs) to be clear that mummy must work to provide his fun/holiday/toys etc.

That said I would check in with him no bullying etc so you have covered those bases.
Wishing you lots of luck. It's all a phase...hopefully!:)

Such good advice here.

Original poster

Turtleyturtles · 25/02/2026 14:57

Tel12 · 25/02/2026 14:44

I think that at 7 it's not optional. Couldn't you have just taken him by the hand? You've possibly set a precedent.

I wish it was as easy as taking him by the hand. He got right underneath his bed and refused to come out so I would have had to drag him out. I tried pulling him out but he fought back and dug his heels in. Unfortunately telling him he must and trying to force him physically does nothing to get to the root of the problem. I have understood the problems now so hopefully by working with the teacher we can resolve them.

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Original poster

Turtleyturtles · 25/02/2026 15:01

Nurseposter123 · 25/02/2026 14:46

One thing I did with my DS was to dress up as if I was going out to work. Big meeting (pretend) - treat at the end of the day. Lots of positive reinforcement.

Lots of people have told me not to focus on myself but actually it's important (with no additional needs) to be clear that mummy must work to provide his fun/holiday/toys etc.

That said I would check in with him no bullying etc so you have covered those bases.
Wishing you lots of luck. It's all a phase...hopefully!:)

Thank you, I will try the dressing up for a big meeting (outside the house) idea, that could work. WFH doesn't help because he knows I am here. Thanks for the reminder about positive reinforcement too, I will dig deep and do all this after school! I'm sure it will be a phase and I know I can deal with it. I have the tactics and the resources. It's just so hard to be both the mum and the dad, which is basically what I am. And I want to be great at both and when I'm not, like today, it feels like everything is falling apart.

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