My friend is so worried.

[ash677x]

Hi all, I’m posting on behalf of a friend who’s struggling and could really use some advice.
Her 11-year-old daughter has been receiving support from a mental health team for managing her feelings and emotions. Recently, she’s started hurting her 3-year-old sister at home and has also been physically aggressive towards her mum in moments of anger. She also uses very hurtful language. This rage and violence comes from being told no, and putting rules and boundaries in place. She has pushed her sister into kitchen chairs, stomped down on her hands and feet. Little sister is 3, with speech and language as she cant communicate her needs properly.

The mental health team are aware of this violence and have just made a referral to social services yesterday morning.

Last night, Mum lost control and grabbed her 11 year old daughter by the hair in frustration. She immediately felt bad and apologised, but now she’s worried about what might happen with social services, especially because the family had a previous child protection involvement in 2023 for one incident of physical chastisement and emotional abuse.
I want to support her, but I’m unsure what to say as ive never been in this situation.

Any advice, experiences, or guidance about how to handle this and communicate with social services would be hugely appreciated.
Thank you.

I guess we can see where here 11 year old is getting the violent cues from. If she has seen her mum
lash out in anger then she will have picked up on that as a way to deal with anger and frustration. Maybe ss can help mum with different coping strategies. She is understandably worried because she has physically assaulted her daughter whilst I understand how difficult it must be with her eldest hurting her youngest :(

Is this behaviour new?

Well, the referral to SS sounds like it's very much needed, if the mother has a record of violence towards her child, and the child is now beginning to be violent in her turn. I'd just advise your friend to be entirely honest with SS about grabbing her daughter by the hair, and take all the support offered, for herself as well as her child. This can't go on.

She will just have to wait and see what happens. Was she the person who was the reason for the involvement the first time?

Ultimately she needs to work with SS to help keep both children safe