Help me not feel bad about this

[Walterrrworm9]

So this weekend 4yo has asked to go zoo

We have memberships so that's sorted. Can take packed lunch but our car has had issues for weeks been in with the garage 3 times as the engine light keeps coming on. So that's been on all weekend so I had to lie and say the zoo is closed as the car is broke (I can't drive it 45 mins the mechanic advised against this too)

The lights went off its getting checked so I probably could drive today but
I have 15 pound until Friday, need petrol and if we needed anything out and about like I say I've got 15 pounds until payday as we went to London this month as a family so spent a lot

Is it bad to say its closed today? And promise to go Saturday as the car will be 100 % and checked, I'll have been paid and the car will have a full tank haha

I donr want to be a let down i get horrendous guilt

NB: we went to the zoo in London our trip too😂

So he hasn't been deprived of it for long we went end december before that too

Don’t lie to him, just explain that you’ve got a plan to go next weekend, sometimes we can’t do things on a child timetable? It’s ok to say no.

Yeah so im part time got Mondays and Fridays with both kids (got a 2yo too)

I've said how about the library and park with some ducks today

Friday we've got lots of appts (speech langauge a school visit etc) which I've prepared him for so he knows he's got stuff Friday

I've said Saturday and I'll get them a happy meal after it so its a special day out

Yea it’s fine not to go till Saturday but I’d be honest - the sooner they learn that money doesn’t grow on trees and that things break, the better!

You are really overthinking this

Seems to hes been okay no meltdowns about it and I didn't do the whole its closed thing just took the advice of saying were doing this and will go Saturday

Its a part of my kids going from baby/toddler to kids i need to work on obviously at 2 he would say let's go here then forget and we could work with it haha he's older now very aware so I always want to make sure he knows I'd do antrhing for them both and try my best all the time I dont eant them thinking I'm a let down and boring

You really are trying too hard.

Don’t say it’s closed. I don’t think it’s right to lie to your kids, certainly not about mundane stuff like the opening hours of a zoo, and there’s always a chance you’ll get found out if a nursery mate pipes up that they went to the zoo at the weekend. And also it’s fine to tell them no! Things break. Things cost money. The sooner they’re taught that the better because that’s just life isn’t it? Mine would ask to go to legoland every bloody weekend if he thought I’d say yes, and obviously that isn’t going to happen. You’re wayyy over thinking it. The car is still broken and we’ll go to the zoo soon when it’s fixed is all he needs to be told. The library and the ducks sound lovely- I’m sure he’ll have a great time. Don’t feel guilty.

it resonates with me that you have to reflect on your approach every now and again as they grow up. You sound like a lovely mum. I think it’s okay for kids to think you’re boring sometimes though, and one of the best pieces of advice a friend gave me when I was pregnant was to say no often to my child - accepting boundaries is a really important part of development and yes there will be meltdowns but that’s part of the learning process I reckon.

I get the feeling guilty. But it’s ok to say ‘yes we can go to the zoo. Probably on Saturday’. You don’t need to lie or overly justify your decisions to young children.

When did we start tiptoeing round children like this?

It is important for him to know that you love him, which you obviously do, but love can be shown in lots of ways and getting everything you want immediately is not a great thing to learn to expect.

Spending time with him is showing you love him. Trips out is also doing that but you don't need to do everything he asks straight away. You are the grown up and it is really important for him to learn that sometimes plans have to change or things go wrong and that that is OK.

I think next time you should say that the car is broken but that that is OK because you can go later. It is teaching him that stuff can go wrong and it is fine. It will help him to manage his emotions when things go wrong for him maybe at school or nursery. When his painting goes wrong or his toy gets broken he will remember how you were calm and not worried about the car breaking down and he will learn and copy being fine.

Why not just say the car is not behaving? Why the need to lie?

Absolutely agree, wouldnt be lying about the zoo being close, its a lie! It would be sorry mummy doesnt have penny's for the zoo this week, maybe next week. You can make money discussions age appropriate, kids should know its a finite resource without going into the depths of financial dispare 😂

Also, it is really important that he knows that you won't lie to him, otherwise he will think lying is OK and that will bite you in the ass when he is a teenager, or maybe sooner

Don’t lie, it teaches them that lying is ok.

just be honest, the car isn’t working so we can’t go. Let’s go to the park.

I couldn’t get myself worked up over this. Plans change, the kids have to flex, it’s not all about them.