I'm worried DS (aged 3) is causing an eating disorder in DD (aged 2)

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Don't flame me, I am not an over protective parent and have never stressed myself over their diets but recently I have gotten really worried.

They have always shared really nicely but since starting preschool DS has been really possessive over toys. This has now led to him doing it with food.

At first it was small things, such as him eating his dinner faster, then swapping plates with DD. I then noticed if we gave them each a banana he'd wolf most of his down and then swap it with her mostly uneaten one. It got to the point where I had to closely supervise their snacks, for fear he'd be taking. I have seen him do it (spying through the crack in the playroom door) especially say a bowl of raisins, he will move to a corner and has even pulled food from her mouth on occasion. He's also hit her and once threw water on her because she wouldn't give him her bread roll.

I'm now worried as DD will not eat her food around him, even when at the table with us all. Not only that she seems to eat very little now, I've tried taking her out alone for a lunch, I have even tried leaving her alone in the playroom with bowls of food and no joy.

When I give her food now she offers it to us, as though she's scared to eat it herself.
What can I do to stop this? I can't help but get angry with DS, yes he is young but he should know better and our punishments don't work.

Surely now, these times are key for forming eating habits and I hate to think DD may be getting these horrid negative vibes.

Nobody said it was easy noone ever said it would be this hard.

One thing I can normally guarantee to be sucessfully eaten is pizza that ds has made - and, indeed, we did this at his party (3) for 10 children (each did their own individual pizza) and I was really encouraged how much they all ate of it. If you don't want to start from scratch with making bread, you can get pizza base mixes from the supermarket that just need water added. Really good thing to try with your dd when ds out - nice, fun and messy to do together and it might encourage her to eat - you have to put up with all of your toppings in heaps of course, but who cares!

Best of luck, hope that you sort it out.

And, btw, I agree with other posters - you put him where it is convenient for you, not where he wants to sit (or move dd) - keep them out of reach. Ds (3.3) knows that, if he asks me nicely, I will almost always let him have anything off my plate that he fancies (within reason, and provided he hasn't already got a stacked plate) - but he does need to ask nicely (and could do this by 2.2) - things are never taken off without asking and getting agreement though. And we talk about the fact that we are sharing - he even managed to share a bag of organics crisps with a friends toddler the other day to much praise.

Message withdrawn

I was thinking about this on and off all afternoon, something worried me about it, and I finally realized what it is....

Eating disorders are fairly common in people who think they are the problem, when in fact they are not. If you think your dd has the problem - by being off her food etc - its honestly not going to help. Your ds has some behaviour which is the problem: help him deal with that, as everyone has said, and don't focus too much on your dd!

I know its been said a few times since I went out earlier, but FWIW....I do think its really important to sit them separately, and he will eat when he gets hungry enough. He seems to need someone to take charge for him - I don't approve of your Mum's solution, in that I wouldn't and don't ever smack, but I do think she took charge and let him know clearly what was and wasn't ok. As you say, he responds to action - fair enough, I would take some by setting tough limits with natural consequences.

Wishing you lots of luck, I do know how frustrating it can be ealing with 3 year olds, especially at the not-yet-reasonable-with stage!