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Independent Play

36 replies

Floundering66 · 21/02/2026 08:02

Hello!
My little boy is 2 (26 months) and doesn’t play independently at all. How normal is this and when is it likely to get better?
When I say he won’t play independently, I mean he isn’t happy entertaining himself for 1 minute while I tidy away. He won’t play in front of me while I sit on the sofa and still interact - if I’m not on the floor actively participating in play he will get upset. Sometimes he is happy to come along with me while I do jobs and “help” but this week we had a huge tantrum because I needed to brush my teeth.

I’m six months pregnant, playing from 6am - 8pm with very little down time. We limit TV, maybe around 20 mins a couple of times a week. He won’t watch TV on his own, I have to sit with him and we talk about the program. Even if I’m in the same room he will stop watching if I do something else. Getting very worried about how he will be with a new baby in the house!

Feel like I have tried every tip Google has thrown at me. I have friends with children of the same age that will busy themselves for 15-20 minutes here and a bit worried by little one doesn’t do this!

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bouncingblob · 21/02/2026 11:32

Our son is 11 months and will happily sit and play independently in his playpen, and has been doing that since about 8 months. I'd say at nearly two years therefore it is unusual (note: unusual does not mean medically concerning) and it's worthwhile looking at ways to address it.

mindutopia · 21/02/2026 11:44

What happens if you just say no to stopping what you’re doing and make him wait? I don’t think it’s unusual to not do a lot of independent play at just 2 (at 3, yes). But if you’ve always swooped in to engage if he starts to tantrum, he’s not learned that sometimes he needs to wait. It may just be that you need to be more firm. It may lead to 20 minutes of rolling around in a tantrum, but eventually he’ll understand that he needs to be patient if he wants to do things that are fun. Mine always got plopped down while I did things, including work, so it was always normal to entertain themselves while I was busy.

Original poster
Floundering66 · 22/02/2026 05:25

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 21/02/2026 10:26

I wouldn’t frame it as you have done anything wrong or pandered to him. He’s a 2 year old who’s enjoyed spending time with his mum and you’ve given him your undivided attention and it sounds like you’ve enjoyed it up until now. Not everyone can or wants to do that but I wouldn’t frame it as a negative.

Now things have to change as the biggest life change is about to happen to him and you need to prepare him as much as he can. Love the PP idea of a visual timer, and very slowly weaning him off play with you even if this does cause a few tears and tantrums to start. Unsure how pregnant you are / much time you have but if you’re in 1st trimester say, it may be that he will naturally be more independent with play as he gets older anyway.

You’ve mention that he’s in nursery a few days a week - with the staff ratios to toddlers I would be shocked if there’s an adult playing with him constantly there. He’s obviously happy enough and distracted when you’re not there. Is his father around? And is he the same with them? If not perhaps you could try and get him to be involved with play a bit more too and both slowly the more hands off approach of being in the room / closeby but not actively involved in the play.

Thank you! I probably sound like a complete pushover, but I’m really firm with things like sleep, screen time and food. I wouldn’t give into a tantrum over him brushing his teeth but for some reason I just can’t handle him crying to play with me 😫

Yes his Dad is around and it’s the same for both of us. As long as he has one of us playing he’s happy. I think that’s why we haven’t tried to do anything - it’s been easy to just tag team one of us playing with him while the other does chores/ has a break.

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Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/02/2026 05:46

Not sure if this helps DS was just the same (nearly 22 doing a masters at Oxbridge, living with his girlfriend, loads of hobbies now). He is very bright and a bit lazy but luckily has always absolutely loved babies, so was happy to " help" when Dd was born, I also kept him in nursery while I was on maternity leave.

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Floundering66 · 22/02/2026 05:50

@Neurodiversitydoctor thank you, that gives me some hope. He loves babies too, the nursery staff think he will be great as he loves going to see the babies there but I’m not so convinced! Definitely keeping him in nursery three days a week, think we will both need it!

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Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/02/2026 06:13

Floundering66 · 22/02/2026 05:50

@Neurodiversitydoctor thank you, that gives me some hope. He loves babies too, the nursery staff think he will be great as he loves going to see the babies there but I’m not so convinced! Definitely keeping him in nursery three days a week, think we will both need it!

I am sure you will be fine. I did find this book very helpful ( I know hugely unpopular on here but it was the early noughties)

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/02/2026 06:45

This has loads of advice

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Floundering66 · 22/02/2026 08:29

@Neurodiversitydoctorsorry is there a link? It’s not showing for me!

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RedSpottyMushrooms · 22/02/2026 08:45

I don't think it's unusual and I really don't think you've done anything wrong. It's great that you've given him so.mufh attention, but things will have to change a bit now.

He might be a bit young, but I found a Yoto player really helpful for independent play. My DC is much happier pottering about if there's a story playing in the background.

ponyinmypocket · 22/02/2026 08:54

Try Janet Lansbury's podcast Unruffled. She unlocked parenting for me.

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