School holidays when kids are a bit older

[MidLifeStrife]

I've noticed that now that my children are a bit older (Yr 5 age 10 and Yr8 age 13) managing school holidays is so much harder and just not as enjoyable as when they were smaller. We'd visit farms, the beach, play parks, soft play etc.
If I make plans for organised fun now, they moan and don't want to go.

The youngest is very sociable and wants to see friends often but trying to manage this when plans differ with other families is hard. People are often away or working with kids at camps or left with grandparents. They dislike most camps but will usually agree to a day / part day max a week at camp depending what it is and if friends are going. The older one obviously has less camp options as is right at his age and isn't best at making plans with friends despite encouragement.

We have no family nearby to help out and take them out while we work. Family living hours away are currently dealing with ill health so not able to help either. The kids are very sporty and we usually keep their regular after school sports going in the holidays if the sessions are running. But it still leaves the daytimes to occupy. We do like to go away but don't have enough leave, energy or funds to do this every holiday. Personally I don't want to spend the holidays stood in the park, possibly in the rain, while they kick a ball about which is all they seem to want to do. This is my weekly routine a few days a week year round.

Any answers please?
We live in a city and have a car. I work 4 days and husband is ft.

I'd be tempted to leave them home alone, starting with short periods and leave them to their own devices.

If they were home alone for half a day they could get up when they want, go to the park to kick a ball around and then back home with you for lunch. Would that work?

We still do trips out but activities for older kids. Things like Go Ape, Gripped, theme parks. My eldest still does camps for activities like dance, art and parkour. The general childcare camps are boring for her but the ones linked to her existing interests are good. Both of mine like going to see musicals and going out to lunch, or doing short city breaks.

Surely it’s only the 10 year old to sort out. Leave the 13 year old to sort himself out.

Any reason why they can't just go to the park without you, if that's what you want to do?

I actually found those the easiest ages in terms of school holidays - they just wanted to be out and about with friends; they were old enough to cycle/walk there themselves (with boundaries) and they accepted that I was not an endless money pit. So other than directing them to come home for meals, there was not a lot for me to do.

I just leave mine be. For one, they do need time to decompress. We do have days out. For example, yesterday went for a birthday lunch in a nearby city. Sunday one of mine went to spend the day with a friend. Tomorrow Dh is taking them for an exciting trip to IKEA to get things for our camper van. 😂

But I don’t really feel the need to provide entertainment anymore. I’m not working at the moment, but Dh tends to just get on with things and work around them. I was left at home every single day of every school holiday from 10 to do nothing but watch tv alone for 12 hours a day! I turned out alright (got a PhD, professional career, well adjusted). They don’t need enriching entertainment all day every day. Mostly, we go out and do things I want to do and I drag them along.

You are making it harder, it's supposed to be easier - they dont need constant entertainment. Mine enjoy the rest

'Personally I don't want to spend the holidays stood in the park, possibly in the rain, while they kick a ball about which is all they seem to want to do.'

At 10 and 13, I would take them to the park, go and get a coffee and have a look round the shops then go back for them.

Actually, at those ages my boys used to take themselves to the local park to kick a ball around.

Surely they're old enough to go to the park by themselves?

I'd encourage them to entertain themselves as much as possible and just do the odd day activity. Things like trampoline park, Go Ape, Go Karts, Laser Tag, Escape Rooms or climbing would be good for sporty kids if that age. Once you done one activity like this and one day at camp they have three days to kick a ball round the park/see friends/have a duvet day.

I have a 12 year old and it’s a slightly awkward phase. It’s all very well to say leave them to it but that’s dependent on living in a safe place and being able to get around relatively easily or they’re just stuck at home. This half term we’ve been away for a long weekend and he’s in a special interest holiday camp today. Tomorrow he’ll be zoning out on whatever screen he can access and he’s got friends coming over on Friday. If we had no plans he’d do very little and I’m not keen on that much screen time.

At those sorts of ages we did a mix.

some organised activities, some camps (not many because they’d mostly aged out if the younger ones and weren’t old enough for the teenage style ones).

scouts/guides and cadets were quite good for trips.
we made lists of stuff they wanted to do. I did try to sort out friends coming round but as you say it was surprisingly complicated logistically.

I compromise with mine of a similar age. So we might have a day in but I limit screens but try and listen and give alternatives e.g. their favourite snacks and a film or they potter, draw, go in garden etc.
Then we might go on a city trip to a museum, park, shopping and I use a kids eat free deal.
Go on a walk with a cafe involved or just a park trip. Have a friend around.
Go somewhere like the beach and they enjoy being on it, I take a book if it’s not freezing or just walk up and down to keep warm.

We do some days out for older children (we are going to an indoor ski place on Friday) and in the longer holidays DD goes to PGL plus we are hoping DS will be able to go to a health needs camp in the future (he has epilepsy).
DD also sometimes does an activity day for older children - not a full week but she's done an acrobatics day in the past.

We are lucky in that we can both WFH, so my DH and I split the week - I’m WFH 2 days, him 2 days, and we took Monday off and did something as a family. My DSs are almost the exact same age as yours. Younger DS has two giant Lego kits he got for his birthday; older DS has recently gotten into Warhammer and is building and paining figures he got for Christmas. And they are both watching a lot of Winter Olympics and getting more computer gaming time that they are allowed during the term. Older DS may also bake some biscuits or brownies. They will also each see a friend one day.

Basically we take the view that they do lead very busy lives in term time, especially the oldest with his commute to high school, so four days chilling out at home won’t do them any harm and is actually the break they need.

Similar ages as you, these are our plans

Year 5 - have a couple of play dates. Friends over if you can squeeze it in with work.
Year 8 - arrange own schedule with friends even if it’s meeting them at 3pm for a couple of hours - out on bikes - I encourage this.
A day visiting grandparents - non negotiable.
I accept these days are punctuated with screens.

2 x family days out (taken holidays) to places they are interested in - things they have done at school rather than the same old National Trusts, however much I like them.

Weekends - sports as usual.

It is a juggling act with friends as some are away, with grandparents, etc and it doesn’t always coincide.

Go karting, sealife centre (pass), friends round, visit grandparents & cousins, virtual reality place, swimming and bike riding. I am available in the holidays.

All the above is interspersed with eleventy billion hrs on fornite/roblox etc.

Kids age 10 & 12

The hoidays don't feel as "magical" or wholesome as they did when they were little but I guess that's life 🤷‍♀️

They don't want to do soft play or national trust any more. Keen to go climbing but enthusiasm for trampoline parks is waning.