Time out/discipline - locked in

[Bella1905]

Please can you tell me hypothetically if you think it’s reasonable to lock a child in their room for time out or not (with a key outside the door). A family member does this but it doesn’t sit well with me and I don’t believe a child should be locked in their room. Thank you.

Of course not! That's absolutely not ok. And that's without even getting into the arguments for how unhelpful time outs are in the first place.

No. Not acceptable if it’s repeated as nothing is being learnt .

However I once did bundle my two outside into the garden and shut the door. They had been warned about their behaviour repeatedly and continued to be awful. So out they went. They held hands and stood at the French windows. As adults they remember it. I let them back in and there was a great improvement! Only needed to do it once. Threatening removal of toys, withholding treats etc had no effect. A quick 5 mins outside together seemed to make a difference.

please don’t recommend this approach op.

my mum’s neighbour used to shut her kid in the garden when he misbehaved. some kids really can’t cope with it. He would stand outside the patio door sobbing and pleading to be let in and his mum completely ignored him until the time was up. “mummy mummy are you there? Where are you mummy? I’ll be good please can I come in? I’m thirsty. I need the toilet. Please mummy?”

It was utterly heartbreaking. Sometimes she did it at dusk and he’d be out there for ages until just when the sun went down. Very frightening for a small child, and so upsetting.

I would have reported it to SS but my mum said it would probably be a worse life in foster care in our area (mum worked in a bad school so i think she knew how badly foster kids were treated).

Sometimes we would pop our heads over the fence and say hello to the little fella when he was really distraught.

I simply don’t agree with causing this level of emotional distress to any child - locking them out, locking them in - that is abusive.

@CanIRetirePlease I did it once!!! Once! Of course they didn’t like it. What child likes any punishment but needs must. It was 5 minutes! You really are not comparing like with like. They were not small and you have completely twisted what I said. Just once for 5 minutes was enough.

Locking them in their room or shutting them outside are really horrible things to do and the sort of things kids will remember forever - just like being hit - because they are so traumatic.

I think time out is just a rubbish thing anyway because often it's a huge faff and fight just to try to get them to stay where you want them to - which is why I guess people resort to even harsher methods like shutting them out or locking them in. Completely isolating a child is never a good thing IMO and neither is making their bedroom a place of punishment.

People need to focus more on teaching and less om punishing I think.

I knew a dm who locked her twins(3yo) in at bedtime and overnight.
I distanced myself from the friendship immediately... Never a justification to lock anyone in...

Not good to make the bedroom a place of punishment. We had a "time out" spot on the bottom stair, and it did work well for calming down/removing from conflict situation, needing just a few minutes each time. I can't imagine needing to lock anyone in/out.

I'm sure they do, because it's cruel and they saw a new side to you that day.

Locked in, no, I wouldn’t. But I have put mine in their rooms to calm down and I will sit there with them, either in the room or outside. If I sit outside and I need to, I will hold the door closed. But no, I wouldn’t lock them in and walk away. I think it’s okay to be clear that you both need some space sometimes though. For example, I wouldn’t tolerate a child hitting or throwing things and just sit there and take it. I’d safely remove myself until they calmed down.

That said, once when I was about 10, my mum was so fed up with me, she made me pack my bags and said she was taking me to the orphanage to drop me off because she didn’t want me anymore. We then drove around in the car for 2 hours on the way to the “orphanage”. Eventually, she just went home and I cried. I don’t even remember what I did (I was generally quite a good kid). I never forget it though. 😳