What does life look like with 6 month old and 4 year old?

[wishIwasonholiday10]

I currently have a 2 month old and 3.5 year old and I’m finding it really difficult when both are at home mostly because the baby is constantly feeding and needs to be held upright after feeds due to bad reflux (we are trying to deal with this). My sanity is being saved by having the 3.5 year old at nursery 4 days a week. I want to drop her nursery days in a few months but was wondering if it will get any easier to have both together or just difficult in other ways? I want to spend more time with my first daughter before she starts school but I find it hard to enjoy the time when I have both together.

In my experience, babies 6-12 months are a lot of work, at least mine was. The newborn stage is the age to spend more time with your eldest. At 6 months they nap less, you have to wean them, they're teething, crawling, bored, need a lot more stimulation, have all kinds of sleep regressions.

If your eldest is enjoying nursery, she's really not going to ennjoy sitting at home being ignored because baby is demanding.

Newborn is the easiest stage. As soon as the baby can move it all goes to shit for a couple of years.

Thanks for the honestly. Maybe I should rethink reducing the nursery hours for my first.

My baby had really bad reflux and it affected time with my eldest. Invest in a good baby carrier/sling and have you tried thickened formula? Really helped the reflux.

my baby is now nearly 6 months and I’ve found the older he’s got the nicer it has been for my eldest as he now smiles, laughs and can “play”

I’m currently finding the opposite to PPs but it is quite early days. My eldest is 3 and youngest is almost 7 months. The first 6 months were so so hard. Baby didn’t sleep, was feeding loads, wouldn’t nap anywhere but on me and I felt like I was constantly ignoring the eldest.

But now I can put baby down to play with things, he can sit and commando crawl so he can get things himself and is less frustrated, he can sit in the high chair and eat while I do colouring or just have lunch and chat to oldest - there’s a lot more scope for managing time together I’m
finding. Plus he giggles and plays in a fashion now so my eldest finds him interesting and will play with him whereas she wasn’t really interested when he didn’t do much.

I wouldn’t drop your eldest’s nursery days if she enjoys it, mine does 3 days at childcare and I think it’s so important for us both. It’s hard having them both at home all day everyday and now I’m on SMP we can’t go
doing endless outings all the time.

This was me nearly two years ago. I hated having them both on my own! It’s hard work. But now the are the best of friends and a delight. Hang in there.

Ahhh I think the replies are quite negative. I had a similar age gap and dropped my eldest’s nursery days to have both together when my youngest was 6 months and it was hectic but fun! We went on days out together and my youngest just watched my eldest with awe.

A couple of provisos - my eldest is quite a calm 3 yo and loves helping with the baby, and my youngest was an easy baby who took her time to get mobile. I only did 1-2 days a week with both as that felt most manageable to me.

I now have a 15 mo and nearly 4 yo and I prefer having both together rather than just the baby as they do entertain each other. Having just my eldest is a breeze though 😆

I find it so much easier 6m+
They can sit in the grass, sit in a swing, splash some paint, interact more with eachother

From 6 months it should get easier even with a reflux baby because they can sit up on their own and so you aren’t always holding them and trying to juggle a pre schooler who wants to play.

ao you should also be able to sit down with them both and even if your eldest is doing something not suitable for a baby the will often sit in a high chair at the table or on the floor or in an pushchair and enjoy what’s going on around them.

I think a few months of them both together before eldest starts school is a lovely idea - just don’t do anything that causes you to burn out because then the days you are at home all together won’t be as productive as less days where you are functioning well iyswim?

I had my 4 year old in a nursery attached to our local primary school every weekday afternoon. Toddler groups + out and about in the morning. After lunch I would walk her to nursery and the baby would fall asleep in the pram and nap for a couple of hours. I felt I got my sanity back in those couple of hours. Best advice I got was to plan things in the morning and be home in the afternoon for the afternoon nap, so both me and baby got a chance to rest.

At six months the baby will be trying food and she will be mobile and more interesting for/in her older sister.

It could be perfect for the children to spend two week days together with you. Maybe baby could to go to nursery for one day on her own and one day with her older sister.
Older sister would then also have one day of nursery on her own and one day alone with you.
Swap it about to suit, and to give you a day to yourself.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. I would like to try the 2 days at home with both of them if I can manage it. I had visions of the baby lying on her playmat or in the bouncer or just sleeping while I played with my eldest but it hasn’t worked out this way as she just screams when put down. I hope things will get better if her reflux improves in a few months since I do feel a bit sad to miss the last opportunities to spend more time with my elder one before reception starts.

Your baby is obviously too small for it at the moment but mine didn’t enjoy laying on the playmat much so we got him a little bath seat which he could also sit in in the playroom, a seated bouncer and then a door bouncer, and now a walker. He’s much happier upright, so those sort of things might help if yours also doesn’t like lying down.

It's all child dependant I guess. See, my toddler is extremely energetic. He was properly walking and running at 11 months. Before that, he spent months 8-9 being very frustrated as he wanted to do stuff (walking) but couldn't. He wouldn't even sit in his pram for more than 20-30 minutes MAX before screaming. Weaning was a bitch because we encountered multiple allergies (dairy and eggs) so my head was exploding with what to cook next and fears about food generally.

He's a lovely happy boy but calm he is not 😂 if I had a baby version of him and a toddler version of him at the same time, I think I'd try to run away

I did exactly this! My second was born when my eldest had just turned 3 last January, at the time my eldest did 4 days a week in nursery but in the May I dropped it to 3 days a week until I went back to work. My youngest was also refluxy after feeding. A fabric sling saved me to be honest, and I put quite a lot of structure in the day with classes etc so I didn't have to think about what I was doing. The odd film and cafe visit and I found our groove. A few days were hell, but mainly it was easier than I thought it'd be!

I have more or less this exact age gap. I dropped my toddler to 3 days a week in nursery so had them at home together twice during the week. I honestly quite enjoyed it - used the carrier/sling a lot with the baby as she preferred to be upright. I also made sure we went out every day even if just for a walk - it was needed for everyone’s sanity! I found from 6ish month it got much easier as they started to be able to play together once the little one could sit up - tho required close watching to make sure eldest wasn’t being too rough!

3 days a week was good to keep eldest in a routine and get ready for school life while also spending time with the baby 1 on 1.

You’re so right. My eldest is easy in so many ways, but she’s very sensitive so I foresee big dramas in the years ahead. My youngest was the most chill baby, though she’s a handful now she’s 15 months… I don’t judge anyone for finding the early years difficult and doing whatever it takes to get through them! I suspect I’ll pay my dues in the teen years 😬

When my youngest was 6 months my oldest started school (she was 4y2m), so in that way it was ok. I find 3 months - 12 months to be awful though as they’re too big to sleep all day but still too small to communicate or really do anything to entertain themselves. When I had them both together we mostly went out, with the baby in a sling so he could see out and go to places like the library, cafe, walk round the park, beach etc