My 2.5yo dd prefers her grandma to me

[Flo367]

Please tell me I'm not the only one 😥 most of the time my DD will go to her grandma over me and it breaks my heart every time. She won't sit on my lap, give me cuddles, come to me if she's upset etc if her grandma is there. She's fine when it's just us two and but I'm definitely 2nd best when grandma is around. Does anyone have any tips on how to handle this? We definitely don't go to grandparents as much anymore or do days out with them now because it ends in a full on meltdown when grandma has to go home and DD can't go with her. Any tips/words of advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

You just have to let it go, it doesn't mean anything at all in the long term. Being with grandma is special and novel, that's all there is to it.

Both of my kids when around that age would sob and wail whenever they had to leave my mum's house or she was at ours and left - I was just glad they loved their grandma so much; it was nothing to do with their feelings for me.

It'll just be a phase. Give it a couple of months and see. I know it's hard but just try and enjoy the time off when she's seeking grandma's attention not yours. If you seem less available she'll start to want you again

Another way to look at it is how amazing and fortunate you are to have an involved grandparent who your child adores. That in an emergency you know the child will be settled and content if you needed to drop them off last minute.

I don’t think there is much you can do other than accept it.

Grandma here. I provide childcare 2 days a week for my DGC. So that’s 20 hours a week. I love them and they me but their Mum and Dad are their constant where they can truly be themselves. At drop off, without fail, they cry and don’t want me to go. It’s just another transition and they get over the transfer of affection pretty quickly. My DC and their partners were a bit put out with this strong bond to begin with but now appreciate the relationship we have. It’s not a competition of affection. Fact is DGC love their grandparents but their parents come first.

My MIL and FIL did a lot of childcare for us when dd was a toddler. When I went round to pick her up after work, she would cry and not want to go. I put it down to a mixture of being spoiled by grandparents who never said no to her (unlike mean old Mum who had rules) and finding transition difficult.

I knew she loved me; I had plenty of kisses and cuddles when we weren't at grandma's and I knew that I was lucky to have in-laws who were so involved so I just sucked it up.

Thanks so much everyone, think I just need to change my perspective on it and suck it up! Feel better though so thank you 😊

It's a phase, shes only little, just be happy she has someone else to love her ans protect her and she feels safe with.

Ooooh yes DD, grandma is so lovely, why don't you go round for lunch and mummy pops out to do some boring shopping

Then you can nip out for a coffee or errands or whatever!
I wouldn't restrict your days. They have tantrums and meltdowns over literally anything at that age and beyond. Just suck it up and don't do a drawn out goodbye, sneak off or throw in the car and zoom away!

I used to do sleepovers at MILS, she'd do her bedtime routine, I'd have a bath, we'd both have a glass of wine and a natter after... lovely x

OP my DD adored my mum when she was little (still does at 11). She used to look after her during the week when my DH and I were at work. She would scream when she left, always reach out for her when she was around, massive smiles etc. You will look back and think what a gift for your child that she had a grandparent she adored - a lot of children don't have that, she is very lucky :)

You just lovingly facilitate the relationship between grandchild and grandma. Thats all.

It's normal, nan doesn't tell them off, nan gives them treats. Nan gives them cuddles. Very normal for a child to want their nan over their mother. It doesn't mean anything and when they get older it changes.

I had exactly this situation with my DD when she was 2. Loved Granny (who was amazing and very involved in her day to day life). This was my MIL, not my mother, by the way. I remember feeling very jealous and had to remind myself that it wasn’t personal.

A year later, DD only wanted me. Children are extremely fickle, please do not let this worry you. Just be thankful your child has another adult in her life who loves and cherishes her.

My DD is now a teenager heading for adulthood, Granny has dementia and doesn’t always recognise her but DD has wonderful memories of her childhood experiences with her grandmother.

Don’t restrict your child’s time with her grandma because you’re feeling put out. This is amazing that your child has such a lovely strong bond - you should build that up as much as you can not restrict it

Oh and a practical tip for when grandma has to go home … just have something super fun up your sleeve as an immediate distraction. A snack, some sweets, a new activity, a bath, something to look at - anything