What to do when you physically and mentally cannot coupe with sleep deprivation

[Msjwosjfbewak]

In the last 2 days I’ve not slept at all, it’s impossible to find time to sleep my toddler just wakes up so much now it’s killing me in every way possible
it’s 10pm and she’s already woken up 4 times since bedtime just screaming screaming screaming so so so loud till I pick her up
she’s not ill, she’s not teething , she’s fed she’s clean,
she’s been a truly awful sleeper since birth she won’t co sleep she just moves too much but honestly it’s just killing me now and I’m scared tonight I won’t sleep again and that’s then 3 days with no sleep at all not even 1 hour
I’m becoming really unwell with it paranoid, memory loss, migraines, vomiting, brain fog, anxiety, extremely low moods often suicidal like it would be the only way out of this
I’ve asked her dad for support im a single mother he doesn’t help/ wont help, as I still can’t let him see her without him harassing me my family are not helpful either
im just truly suffering so badly all alone as I also have no friends I just don’t know what to do anymore but I know I can’t go on much more like this
What do I actually do, I’ve spoken to gps health visitor before they all just don’t care since she’s growing fine

I understand the hell of frequent waking. It is not normal. You should be able to access help with this - sleep training professionals or maybe neuro diversity diagnosis.

It sounds like you're a single mum with no support?

Unfortunately there isn't really anything available in terms of respite care which is what single parents really need. What about the grandparents on the fathers side? He might be crap but his parents might want a relationship with their grandchild.

Without support from family or friends or father all you can do is address the sleep issues as best you can and try to keep going. Can your baby go into nursery at all to give you a break? You might find a childminder who is busy with before and after school care but has 4 hours spare in the day.

Didn’t want to read and run. I don’t have any easy answers but I had one that hardly slept , kept waking up and sleep deprivation is so so hard. So lots of sympathy. Try the health visitor again maybe.
how old is she? Don’t know what the weather is like by you but can you try and get her physically tired out tomorrow . Soft play if it’s too wet for a playground. Are there any friends or family who can watch her or take her out even just pushing in a buggy while you get some sleep. Let them know how desperate you are. Longer term, what are your days like? Is she in nursery at all? Do you go h to I playgroups?
All the best, it won’t be forever but I know it feels like it when the nights are so long!

Has she been checked for ear infections, sleep apnea, enlarged tonsils?

Thanks all I’ve been to the gp about her pausing in breath in her sleep over 2 months ago it’s nearly the deadline they have to reach out by, as I’m awaiting a paediatric appointment I asked for a sleep study and the gp refused . I suspect sleep apnea but even the gp didn’t want to refer me as apparently it’s within normal physiological realms ! She’s 20 months
its weird she’ll only have maybe one day a month where she’ll sleep all night. She gets worn out in the day too lots of running and playing but nothing absolutely nothing helps
I got her ears checked recently as thought they looked waxy I got it checked twice and looks fine.
I just feel totally wiped out and I just can’t seem to get though each day easily

I went through a phase of this with my dh working away. It was god awful. My mum felt awful as she hadn't been able to help me in the same way she helped my older siblings, so she gave me some money to pay for a childminder so I could have have a day of rest. I felt like I couldn't be honest to anyone as to why I needed that time, the mum guilt was real! But I slept and felt SO much better.

Beg, borrow or steal to get the rest you need. Mother's are not meant to do it entirely alone without help. There should be a second parent and extended family to help. If you don't have that, buy it. You're worth it and your baby needs yoy to be healthy

Give her a bottle of baby milk, who knows, might help

Poor you! This really sounds so hellish. Is it that she's falling to sleep with you there and then getting upset if she wakes and you're not there? You mentioned screaming until you pick her up. I wonder if you find a way to co-sleep/Sleep near her for a few days to help you catch up on sleep. Or sleeping next to her cot etc. Even if it's not what you want to be doing longterm, but just something to get some sleep. Then once you're not feeling like a zombie, perhaps you can encourage more sleep independence (if that's what you want). I say this as Mum of two who has sleep trained, but I know this isn't for everyone, and I'd find anyway to get some sleep yourself first so that you have some clarity. Please do reach out to the samaratans if you're feeling suicidal.

I have a chronic condition that is made worse by poor sleep. 2 of my 3 are ND and DH used to work shifts. I ended up having to do CIO and being consistently strict. It worked after a couple of nights and considerably.Saved by sanity. And made me a much nicer parent in the day.

Oh I’m so sorry. Do you cosleeping? I think if you don’t, you should consider it, if it’d help her settle. Then when you’ve had a bit more sleep you could make a plan, like a gentle sleep training or something, but for now you just need sleep in any way you can get it.

I honestly think I’d put her in the cot and put ear plugs in 😢 it’s not ideal but neither is loosing your mind with sleep deprivation.

Is she still napping in the day? I seem to remember the dropping of that being my worst time! I needed that break! And then if they did nap, they'd be up all night. That's when I needed the help. Whatever the cause of it, it will pass, it is just a phase. You will get through this.

If she does turn out to have sleep apnea this is absolutely cruel, it’s cruel anyway.

Keep pushing to get her checked for things like enlarged tonsils or adenoids, or glue ear, these things can’t be checked by gp they need ENT consultant.

If she thrashes and screams when she wakes film her a couple of times, showing videos of what we went through was the only thing that got HCPs to take me seriously about my child’s sleep behaviour (or lack of sleep entirely).

Will she sleep in a pram? Not ideal but at this point im sure your willing to try anything for even an hour of consistent sleep. What about melatonin. Is she OK going down for a sleep but staying asleep is the issue? Have you tried calpol or neurofen before bed because if that does ease it then she must be sore somewhere. You say she moves around to much to co sleep, what about putting pool noodles under the sheet either side of he once she's over to reduce movement, can you prop her up slightly more with another pillow if its potentially sleep apnea?

Have you looked up night terrors?

Firstly, co-sleep. I co-slept with both of mine as had to be up at 5:30am for work. We co-slept til they were 3-5 and asked to sleep on their own.

Secondly, see your GP. Sleep deprivation can lead to an acute mental health crisis, even when you are otherwise mentally well. This happened to 2 friends with paranoia and hallucinations. They literally needed to just sleep for several days. GP gave them sleeping tablets and they slept.

Third, it sounds like you have family (but not a partner). You need to rope your family in to take over for a few days while you recover. They do the night shift, you do the day shift, sleeping tablets and sleep during the night. If you can do it in a spare room, great. Or you go to family member’s house and they come to yours. It won’t be forever, but do it for 2-4 nights.

In the longer term, what childcare options do you have? Do you have access to the 15 funded hours? Do you work? I’d get funded childcare in place or ask family for help 1-2 days a week. Use that time to rest. If you work, take a sick day here and there when you need to recover. You need to be well for your child. Treat it as an illness (it is). You need to feel better to be there for your child.

Are you sure she’s not in some kind of pain? Intolerances, allergies etc can all cause this sort of thing.

I’m so sorry OP. I had this with my eldest until she was about 3. No issues that were ever found, she just hated sleep. I really feel for you because I remember the feeling of just being utterly exhausted, I honestly felt like I wanted to die. I do hope one of the suggestions above works for you and little one. Best wishes.

Co sleeping can take a few nights for a toddler to get used to. At least it means you are not having to be physically up. I'd give it a go for a week and she might get used to having you in bed an wiggle less.
I do understand why people don't reach out to friends with this sort of thing but it's worth a try. You can offer something in return like school holiday day time childcare or help with something you are good at/ ironing even if it's clear that the return favor wouldn't be in the near future.
People need to help each other out AND most people actually feel good about helping someone in need.

Melatonin ? Saved our sanity 15 years ago when in a similar position. We needed a gp referral to a paediatrician to get it on prescription.

When my youngest was similar for waking (younger but not a newborn), I switched my days and nights for a while. Obviously you can only do this if you have very flexible work (I did), childcare in the day etc, it it.may help.

So I'd stay up all night, and yes I'd be up and down like a yo-yo bug I'd do my work in between the many wake ups. In the morning she'd go to her childminder and I'd go to bed until pick up. It's not perfect, but I was getting 4-5 hour blocks and I felt like a new woman.

You aren't supposed to function with no sleep so it no wonder you feel so awful. Do you work and is she in any childcare in the day? If so could you take leave or call in sick (you are unwell from this) and sleep whilst she's in childcare? I would keep pushing for referral for her. Do you have anybody you could beg for some babysitting. I'm not great with other people's kids and would never offer but if a friend or even colleague or acquaintance came to me saying they'd not slept for two days and could I help as a one-off I would absolutely want to give them a few hours of babysitting to get some sleep!