No nap blues

[Curlyfifteen]

I'm sure there is no real solution to this, it's an adjustment but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I have a 6 and 2yo. The older one goes to school. Younger one was napping 2-3 hrs each afternoon and after a few bumpy months has stopped.

I have a masters degree and run a small art business which if I am being honest makes very little money but brings me a great deal of joy and sense of self outside of mothering - and who knows one day it may become more lucrative as it was before kids. I am also a full time SAHM.

The nap is gone, and I am finding myself feeling overwhelmed, irritable, craving silence (like a grumpy old man/woman). I never get a block of time to work, its always interrupted or diluted with life admin that inevitably comes with two kids.

Have you found it difficult to adjust after no naps? Any tips or tricks?

I went back to work so I didn’t have to deal with the no naps too much.
Appreciate you have your own business so it’s totally different. While you’re not earning much money from the business, could you get another job and put your youngest in nursery? Before long they with both be in school full time and then you could go back to your art?

I know this is all easier said than done. It’s just impossible to do anything with 2 young kids isn’t it 😩.

You're a SAHM. That's your job. If you want to do another job, you need childcare. And frankly, at the age of 2 a couple of days at nursery will be wonderful for him AND for you.

You need to do ‘quiet time’. I have a 4 and a 2 year old neither of whom nap anymore, yet they are both currently playing in their own rooms while me and DH are slobbing on the sofa (and admittedly I am being very unproductive on mumsnet!). They will be there for 90 minutes. As soon as they dropped the nap, we just replaced it with time in their rooms. I think it is very healthy for kids to have some alone time; where they can play, read or just chill, without anyone else around. I had it as a child too. And it keeps a bit of peace in my life (I am also a SAHM and couldn’t handle all day with them!)

I’m hopping in as I need this! How do you do it so you know the 2 yo is ok without you having eyes on at all times? do you set up activities?

@Worriedmumma2025 yes, I set up age appropriate activities for both of them depending on what they ask to do that day. My youngest is 2.5, and pretty sensible, but I still have a monitor in his room so I do have eyes on him, and the door is open so I can hear him even without the monitor. My eldest is absolutely fine on her own and is very used to this set up now. The day they dropped their nap, I simply said it was fine to not want to sleep, but now we have quiet time instead - doing anything else was just never given as an option. So we have the same pre-nap routine (more important for the youngest as he’s still relatively small and only recently dropped his nap over Christmas) - we do nappy change after lunch and sit and read a book together, and they then get put in their rooms and left to it until I go and get them usually around 90 minutes later

@sexnotgenders thanks!

I’m trying to do this with my 2.5 yo son now he is dropping his nap but he is just running around like a lunatic and won’t leave me alone? He can play nicely alone when he feels like it but he isn’t understanding the concept of a set period of quiet time yet…

You can’t be a SAHM and work and have your dc all the time. Take it from someone who had a 2 year old and a homeschooling 7 year old and a FT job through 9 months of COVID when school was closed.

Get some childcare or trade off and do it in the evenings or weekends when your partner is home to take over with the kids.

So you are not a SAHM, you work from home and have a business. You cannot be a SAHM and run a business. Put your 2yo in to nursery for their free hours and get your identity back?

Yeah i agree with others. Nursery is the solution, even if it’s just a a couple of afternoons a week.

I feel you OP, I felt much the same when DS gave up his lovely long afternoon nap. Not least because I was knackered and would often nap too on my days at home with him (hats off to you for doing a Masters and running a business alongside full time parenting)!

How is their night sleep? Can you get some time to yourself after they’re in bed, not too late in the evening? Additionally I would consider 2 days at nursery for your youngest, if finances allow.

*Edited as I noticed you are doing a Masters too!!!

You need childcare for when you're working. You can't watch a child and work efficiently

Surely you're best option is to get childcare? That's what everyone else has to do that wants/has to work?

I work from home but couldn’t even answer an email with my two year old with me. I love the idea of quiet time, but he doesn’t. There’s no way he would play on his own, he would just follow me around and cry.
Unless you want to work in the evenings you need some childcare for during the week.

Echo the others - I too once was in a similar position, found I couldn’t do both and so was either irritable or not ‘present’ as my mind was constantly elsewhere - cue the guilt as I wasn’t able to give my all to either. Two days in nursery would give you the time you needed to focus on your art work, and then be with your 2 year old the other days and actually enjoy that time without thinking about what else you should or could be doing

You can always just bring back the nap...

I don't live in the uk, and here children have a midday nap until around 6... In fact in kindergarten (which replaces reception And y1 of school) all the kids have beds and nap during the day...

I'm not arguing that this is better.. I'm just saying that physically and biologically there is nothing wrong or impossible about a 2 year old napping. If that is the routine they know, it's just normal to them. It means later bed times at night, but also less grumpy and tiredness in late afternoons/evenings. If that will work for you and your kid, then maybe just bring the nap back.

Use childcare seems an obvious solution

I enjoyed when my oldest stopped napping because it frees up the day more. With my youngest I often opt for short car naps on purpose so I’m not tied to getting him home for a nap. I’ve never pinned the end of the nap the way I see lots of people doing.

I feel you, its a shock to the system! I did find bedtime was smoother, easier and permanent when the nap went, so I had pretty much free time from 6.30/7pm every day. So I'd make sure you're carving out evenings for yourself and try not to get sucked into owning all the house jobs in the evening. I do think everyone is right, you need childcare. If you hired a nanny to look after your children, you'd be shocked if she was trying to run a side hustle at the same time - it's a full time job. I do think attention span goes up at this age, so whilst it doesn't help you work, a bit of colouring, tv, solo play will give you 10 or 15 mins to use the loo alone and have a cuppa (improved my mood if not my ability to get anything done!) You can also get out and do really fun things with them all day now which i loved (again, not good for work but might improve your mood).
I love the idea of quiet time in their room but no way would my 2 year old have done that. She's quite full on and needs to be busy all the time! So it's probably worth a go, but if it doesn't work then don't beat yourself up as I think you need a certain type of child for it. I'd throw myself into having great times with the kids when you're with them (honestly it won't actually be long till they're at school and you'll miss them). Then get childcare for a dedicated day a week and focus on creating space evenings and weekends. If you're focussed on having fun with the kids then you'll enjoy it more too. Sahm isn't for everyone, so if you're really not enjoying it, maybe consider how you could change it up (more childcare, earning more to pay for that, splitting home with their dad maybe doing pt work so you can work instead of him etc). It's a job and a tough one at that, it's not for everyone so don't be afraid to switch things up.

Hiya, I was. SAHM.

My children are 13 months apart. Both went to nursery two mornings a week from 18 months old (didn't stay for lunch) stayed for lunch from 2 and a half and two full days a week from three years old until school started.

YOU NEED A BREAK! And your child needs to socialise so school is not quite a shock.

It's intense and exhausting no matter how cute and lovely they are and you cannot possibly do your best work and be fulfilled when you are worrying about who is drawing on the walls.