SEN Solo parent blues- no network

[Ifonlyitwasthe90s]

I mean no network like family/etc. no DP anymore. He opted out of family life.

Is there anyone else out there in the same boat? I'm so tired.

I'm just so tired. I know I said that twice, that's how tired I am. I love my DC but the exhaustion is so constant

The system that is supposed to support us puts a massive additional pressure on me and they are so backlogged and we cross a local authority line for school placement to home so we get passed around a.lot.

I'm trying so hard to keep going. I have no life outside of being a carer/parent.

Pretty similar, op. No parents.

Two teens, both with SEND, oldest making her way out of some really difficult times and hopefully headed for uni this year. Youngest EBSA and home schooled.

Their Dad opted out of family life but sees them as and when and does pay for them.

It’s exhausting and has really affected them. I’m very lucky to have an amazing DP but he’s with his kids 50 percent of the time so not always available.

Its tough. Do you want to talk some more?

Every day is a million tiny exhausting negotiations that can trigger DC's PDA at any time for any reason.

I'm so beyond burn out.

I need adult interaction, I'm sociable and outgoing and it's a long, hard winter with SEN , obviously I'm putting DCs needs first but it comes at a price for the parent left carrying all the work.

Thank you for replying it's made a difference, I'm so utterly exhausted did I mention I was tired

I'm glad you have a supportive new DP, it's good to know there not all like my exH

I’m really sorry, this sounds absolutely exhausting and I know it’s really hard not to get a break. It’s so difficult knowing the other parent has got away without carrying any of the load.

Same. I could have honestly screamed at people who suggested I build my own network. Not sure how they expected me to do that rushing between work and dc's when my DD with SEN couldn't cope being looked after by anyone else.

How old is / are your dc?

My DC are little, one is KS1 age the other is still preschool. Although I have begun the process of home ed, because the eldests needs can't be met by the school

So I know this is the intense years of parenting anyway but the pressure combined with SEN is insane, I mean washing my hair is a pipe dream 90% of the time ....and styling/colouring it...I might as well book a seat on the next Space X to Mars, it's more likely to happen.

Thanks for being so kind in your replies, I rang the Samaritans last night just to speak to an adult

I was supposed to be doing my PGCE this year 💔

That sounds so hard and relentless. I know platitudes don’t help but you must be so incredibly strong to keep getting through every day.

I’m sorry about your PGCE as well. Are there any SEND parent groups in your area? I know there are in mine and the kids can come along so finding childcare isn’t a problem.

I'll always accept a platitude lol :) I am not strong but my coffee is!

You know how it is though, you have no choice but to keep going, they need their meals on time, and the routine for us has a little flex in it- I know SEN kids need structure and all kids need routine, we get all the things done, but not necessarily in the right order - it works for me if I go slow burn on the big kid's routine, with PDA I just point to the ASD chart we have and he chooses what's next

I fail approx 10,0000000000 times a day, my PGCE was supposed to be FE so little ones with SEN isn't even an area I know anything about. I try to read about it, but I have so little time, and then the nanosecond I get when both are engaged in something, I spend that time researching, so I am still in Mum-SEN mode. A scroll on MN while I cook the next SEN, ARFID, allergy meal is literally my me-time.

I really struggle to get to IRL groups, and the online one they offered to me, starts at 7pm, which is the little one's bedtime and the big one is PDA every night (hence homeschooling bc he masks at school- if we actually make it through the school door, not a given- so mummy gets the full force of the PDA if he's masked at school).