12 year old boy keeps taking my clothes

[Skatingforlife]

It started a few years ago, he would take pants from my draw, which I found in his draws, we had a talk about how he might have mixed up feelings but they weren’t wrong or anything to be ashamed of sometimes boys feel feminine sometimes etc. over the past couple of years he has taken other items like a bra, a dress, shoes etc, once we caught him all dressed in my clothes, again we had a chat and we said it wasn’t the taking the clothes that was the issue it was the sneaking about and lying about it, he appeared to understand. Fast forward to today and I’ve found in his draws a bra, and 2 dresses. I don’t want to confront him again, do I let him play it out get it out of his system or do I confront him with the clothes again, although I don’t think it’ll help as he’s don’t it again since we spoke last time.
do I get him to wear the dresses with me there so he knows I except him whatever way he dresses?
He Says he’s happy being a boy so I don’t think there’s any gender dismorphia.

He needs to see a therapist. This will only get worse if it is not addressed.

I think you need to be more assertive OP. That if he takes your things again there will be a punishment because you’ve already addressed softly the sneaking around and lying. But can also stress that if he would like his own dresses and bras that perhaps you can both go shopping together. But you can’t leave the lying and sneaking around to.

Go shopping together and get him his own clothes, then if he takes yours punish him, stealing is not okay and taking other people underwear is unhygienic.

This, he’s probably developed a fetish, sorry to be blunt but don’t let this slide, he may just like feminine clothes or you may have a much bigger problem.

I’d be taking him to some form of therapy to get to the actual cause of why he does it.
Especially at his age, stealing and sneaking are not okay.
He might like women’s clothing, sure.
He also might like stealing it from another woman and might continue doing that even if you do buy him his own clothes to keep.

He is a twelve year old boy. He doesn’t need dresses and bras!!

Gosh I’d feel sick to the stomach. Stealing your mums pants is not normal. He needs therapy urgently. Pay privately if you can.

It a drawer, not a draw.

A woman I worked with had a son who did this for a while at a similar age but grew out of it. He’s now married with a little one.

I'd crack down harder tbh. You've tried the kid gloves and it hasn't worked. Tell him sternly that while there is nothing wrong with having a kink or liking to dress up, stealing other people's underwear is disgusting and unacceptable, as is the sneaking about and going through your things.

I assume he gets pocket money? He needs to buy his own dressing up things and stop stealing yours.

I would give him quite a harsh punishment as this is a repeat offence and he has also lied. I'd ground him for the next 2 week, no phone for that time either and he would spend that time helping around the house.

I would also get a lock for your bedroom as you cannot trust him.

Shocked at some of these responses. There's nothing wrong with him and I think your approach so far has been the right one op

Perhaps you could have a weekly amnesty. Tell him you need the clothes back so once a week he needs to go through his drawers and put them in a basket for you to put back. No blame, just practicalities.

The responses here are worrying. All of the trans acceptance has people accepting behaviour than in any other context is NOT ok. My teenage daughter stealing my clothes would not be ok, especially if I have told her to stop. My teenage daughter stealing my underwear would be completely unacceptable and disgusting. Now replace daughter with son - it’s NOT acceptable.

Lying and stealing - all fine.

then we’ll be shocked when he does this as a grown man to his female neighbour!

Im sorry to be crude- but you do realise he is using the clothes to have a wank? This isn't some innocent stealing from the dressing-up box.

It's not straightforward lying & stealing because of the associated judgement and prejudice that's been shown here, and feelings which he is probably confused about and unable to articulate.

Whatever one's own beliefs about what's drawing him to his mothers clothes, shaming him will not help, it will only make things worse and cause long term damage.

You don't know that. Plenty of gay men - many of whom are now considered national treasurers - purloined their mums clothes when they were growing up. They didn't turn out to be perverts.

I'd suggest checking what he's looking at online - I wouldn't be surprised if this is related to porn use.

And that's deeply offensive. Gay men aren't perverts, any more than you are simply because some women commit sa against children. Shame on you.

The OP never returned so I’d question if this is real.
If it is, then he obviously wants to get caught as he could put the clothes back before they were noticed otherwise.

@QueenSmartypants
I wasn’t referring to ALL gay men , you made the sweeping statement of national treasures, I was pointing out it wasn’t a n accurate comment

Yours appeared to be the sweeping statement, a statement can be considered accurate when it's true of the majority.

I didn’t make any sweeping statement at all, I said your comment was accurate.
I have a gay child so I’m not making any assumptions unlike you.