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Struggling to cope

2 replies

Toddlerhatesme · 11/02/2026 23:49

I feel like my 2 year old hates me. It never used to be like this and I used to read threads like this and I didn't get it. But the last couple of months, she honestly can't stand me.

It's like she's two different children. One that everyone else sees and one when it's just me, which makes it harder because nobody believes me when I tell them what it's like when it's just me and her. I've started videoing the tantrums just to prove I'm not going mad. I wouldn't even call them tantrums. She gets hysterical, throws things, hits me, pushes me away. Won't let me anywhere near her.

My husband works late a lot but when he's home she's an angel. The odd occasion he puts her to bed she happily walks into the bedroom holding his hand, gives him a cuddle and says goodnight.
Every other night when I try and put her to bed it's world war 3. Screaming, hitting me, throwing things at me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I thought I was a good mum.
But it is me that's the problem because she's not like this with anyone else. Even when she's not having a tantrum. When we are with our parents or other family she cuddles everyone and smiles and laughs constantly, but she doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I feel like everyone is noticing it.

I struggled to conceive, she was the best thing that ever happened to me and I love her so much. But I feel like she'd be happier if I wasn't here.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Boymama87 · 12/02/2026 02:40

please don’t believe she’d be happier if you weren’t here, whilst I totally get why you feel that way, it’s 100% not true. She’s behaving this way with you because you’re the one person she knows will ALWAYS love her and be there for her. It must be so exhausting for her to behave this way with you and I can imagine how frustrating it must be to see her behave nicely with others. But it’s not a reflection of you and your relationship with her at all. Whilst I don’t always achieve it, when my toddlers have been being challenging I try and remember the phrase ‘they’re not trying to give you a hard time, they’re having a hard time’. I don’t always remember it in the moment but I do try and reflect on it. Can your husband help a bit more at the moment while it is so difficult in particular? But also, why does he only put her to bed on the odd occasion? Especially when it’s such a challenge at the moment? Appreciate if he works hours that mean he’s out of the house at bedtime he can’t but if he’s there, he should be doing more than on the odd occasion. Maybe sit down with her and try to plan a really nice day out that’s all her choice (within reason of course) and also plan for your husband to have her for a day so you can get a break and do something to make you happy and help regulate you a bit.
whatever you take from this reply though, please know she’s never going to be happier without you, I promise you that ❤️

Toddlerhatesme · 13/02/2026 20:15

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I'm definitely feeling more rational today. I feel a bit ridiculous that I'm taking it so personally, she's 2! But she's always been so loving and affectionate, I am just finding it hard.

My husband isn't home from work before bedtime Monday to Friday. He has a hobby on a Sunday evening which I've genuinely never minded before, but he's said this week he won't be doing that until things improve here. To be fair, he actually asked if I wanted him to look for a new job so he'd be home earlier. But as he likes his job that seems very drastic for something I'm hoping is just a phase!

He's taking her out for a few hours tomorrow so I can have some time to myself. I've also made plans with friends next weekend so I'm looking forward to that. That's a great idea about planning a day out for me and her, I think we will do that on Sunday. Thank you again.

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