21 month old just won’t sleep, help!

[M17]

As the title says… my nearly 2 year old DD cant sleep through. I don’t mind a wake during the night but she wakes 4/5/6 times, I’m loosing my mind.

As a newborn she was pretty good, as far as newborns go but the 4 month sleep regression came and never left.

Shes still BF but due to start nursery soon so I’m hoping she’ll wean off. She’s DF and REFUSES any alternative milk so that’s off the cards. She’s an ok eater, not brilliant but not terrible.

She’s on one nap a day around 12/12.30 till 1.30/2pm. Currently she goes down for bedtime at night between 7/8pm. It usually only took 20 minutes but now it’s taking well over an hour to get her down into her cot. She goes down and within 30 minutes up again, goes down for a couple of hours and back awake again so I go to bed. I am that exhausted - (also have a 6 & 5 year old, thankfully are angel sleepers!) I just co sleep with her now when she wakes up for the 3rd time. Even when in bed, she’ll wake up another 3 times and then bang, hello morning & school runs.

I know I need to stop feeding her throughout the night co sleeping as this is what she’s expecting when she wakes up but it’s just easy. when she wakes up from first putting her down, I don’t re-feed

She is in our bedroom in her cot as can’t be getting up 20x a night for her own room - but again, I know I need to.

I don’t believe in CIO method. I’ve tried this and it does not work with her. She will scream and scream and scream, doesn’t give up. Not for us!

Anything I should be worried about? Do I need to go to GP?

Shes very active and very forward. Already speaking sense, running around feral etc and healthy so haven’t any worries there.

thank you, from a very tired mum!

I hear you - it is so hard with broken sleep!

Firstly, cap her daytime nap.

Secondly, I cant tell whether you're feeding overnight or not- "I know I need to stop feeding her throughout the night co sleeping as this is what she’s expecting when she wakes up but it’s just easy. when she wakes up from first putting her down, I don’t re-feed"**

She's fine in the room with you for now - unless you suspect she is being woken by you

Get the Ferber sleep training book.
Put her in her own room.
It'll take two nights, then she'll sleep through.

I think she’s probably hungry. I have had two dairy free bf dc. First one was under the dietitian and they said to improve sleep and drop nighttime feeds the calorie I take during the day needed to increase. Give them whatever they’ll eat that’s filling before bed. And try and increase food during the day. Aim for calorie dense foods.
There is always the risk she’s a bad sleeper and whatever you do won’t make her sleep all through but the situation can be improved

Oh gosh, the zombie years. My thoughts are with you. You don’t need the smug mum’s telling you ‘well I have a routine’ as if doh! Light bulb moment, I’d never thought of that! 🙄
It will eventually get better, not much comfort for now but the sleep of the future will come to you. Then you’ll hit the menopause and you’re back in it. Sorry, it’s just crappy

I mean you kind of have answered your own questions here, haven't you?

Your post is full of "I know I need to, but..."

Well if you know you need to, then now's the time to do it.

Put her in her own room. Stop co-sleeping. Wean off BF and nighttime feeds. Use Ferber with time limits you're happy with and keep check-ins boring and low-key.

Your daughter is getting what she wants through her behaviour, but you're the adult and the parent. It could be a rough week or two but persist through it and you'll see the difference.

Or just follow the usual Mumsnet advice which is "Just suffer and ride it out for X number of years, it eventually gets better"...up to you.

I think you also have a schedule issue. What time is wake up? If you get her up at 7am, one hour nap, bed at 8pm, that's 12 hours sleep (which might even be too much!). You might need to push wake up to 6.30am or bed to 8.30pm. Increased sleep pressure ought to reduce the split nights.

My LO is 21 months and sleeping 7.45/8pm-6.45am and has 1h15 nap. If the lunchtime nap is too long we get a late bedtime or split nights (which I hate - I prefer a later bedtime, tbh!).