Tips and hacks for smooth solo after school and bedtime routines, please

[BedtimeBrainFog]

Until recently DP WFH. He’s now taken a job that gets him home after 7pm so weekdays I’m solo from school pick up and through bedtime with a 1 yr old (baby for ease) and a 5 yr old (DC).

School drop off and pick up are fine as we live very close. The issue is the stretch from home time to bedtime which currently feels like pure overstimulated chaos!

Baby’s bedtime ideally starts around 6pm and DC around 6:45–7pm, but things often drift. Both kids are quite sensitive to sleep and overtiredness doesn’t suit any of us.

I’m struggling to work out:
– when best to feed one or both of them in this window
– how to fit in bath times without losing the will to live (once they’re in together they’re ok…but never want to get out 🙄)
– how to give DC some actual attention or playtime rather than me half listening while doing something else/telling her to wait 5-10 mins because her sister (inevitably) needs something

Then there’s bedtime itself. DC is happy to read or colour in while waiting her turn but still reads aloud or whisper reads or needs light to colour both of which keep baby awake. Baby has serious FOMO and needs it quiet and dark to settle. I feel guilty asking DC to stay in her room reading or colouring alone while I deal with baby bedtime which can easily take 30mins.

I’m sure there’s a sensible way to do this, I’m just not seeing it yet. Would love to hear what actually worked for others doing solo bedtimes with this age gap.

Thank you!

I was a single parent to 2 with a 4 year age gap at this age. Yes it’s tricky. Without giving any specific advice (which I’m sure others will be able to do - it was a while ago for me now!) .. I would say just don’t try and achieve perfection, and don’t worry about it not being exactly how it is now.
You are one person not two - so it stands to reason that it can’t be the same as of 2 people were there.
ie don’t feel guilty about your older DC colouring in their room. Spending a bit of independent time alone is good for them. Just start it and it will soon become a routine. Say something about that makes her feel more grown up Ie ‘because you are old enough to to this on your own now, not like the baby’ etc

It was also around this age that I stopped every night baths (I don’t know if that’s controversial these days). It takes a lot of time and I personally don’t h think it’s necessary. Yes a change of routine but as they grow older things evolve.

I suppose I just had to be a bit more laid back about it and things didn’t need to be perfect. We muddled along each day and it all worked out fine. Things don’t have to be perfect and you can let the odd thing slide to save your sanity. We already guilty about so much as mums don’t give yourself anything else to feel guilty about.

@beasmithwentworth thank you so much for replying and I appreciate your suggestions, you're absolutely right.
Skipping nightly baths totally not controversial here, I’ve had to anyway as some nights it just felt like too much and frankly a ‘wet wipe shower’ was enough for DC and the baby wasn’t going anywhere! I for some it’s a wind down but my kids seem to be more fired up after bath time.

You’re also right that I do need to just let it be what it is. I do feel guilty about DC at bed time but framing it as her being a big girl is a good shout, at the moment she’s all about that.

It’s tough! Mine are 13 months (DS) and 3.5 years (DD). The only way I’ve found to deal with it, especially when DH isn’t around to help, is to be pretty rigid about routines (but not to panic or beat myself up when it sometimes goes sideways!)

I pick up DD first at 4ish, then head with her to pick up DS by 4:45 We’re home by 5pm latest, at which point it’s a light supper for them both, then bath together, then upstairs, usually by 6:15. I breastfeed DS either right after supper while bath is running or after bath/before bed, depending on how ravenous he is. DS stays for one story and then he gets popped in his cot in the dark with his noise machine on. Literally a minute of soothing, whether he’s soothed or not, then back to DD at around 6:30. DD has a few more stories (some individual attention), and then I leave her listening to her Yoto, usually just before 7pm. I do let DS grumble for a while in his cot, though, if I know it’s only FOMO keeping him from settling (it almost always is!).

You could try bath in lower light, soothing music (our bathtime is anything but relaxing though), and a visual timer to get them out promptly. How independent is DC? My DD is quite keen to do everything herself atm so I’m exploiting that. She gets out, dries herself, applies her moisturiser, and puts her PJs on while I sort out DS. I’m dreading the day it ends! 😂🙏

Your stretch is longer than mine so maybe now the days are longer some park time before home will help? A bit of exercise and fresh air to get the appetite going, then a quick but filling meal at home (slow cooker stuff you can prep the night before and whack on in the morning is very helpful!) will set them up for a good night. Fresh air definitely helps mine sleep better too.

Good luck. ❤️ Bedtime with this gap is hands down one of the trickiest things to navigate!

Thanks @SnugSheep yeah it sounds tough!

DC is pretty independent and capable, she happily gets herself, dried, moisturised, dressed etc too. in the mornings she pours her own cereal, I get the milk but she definitely makes those moments easier than they once were. I think it’s just the guilt I need tk get over. Some times I think just because she can do something doesn’t mean she should but that’s definitely mum guilt talking.

Drowsy but awake baby put downs have never worked for either of mine so that’s the rub at the moment as baby does need soothing right to sleep or she just won’t. Im not concerned about bad habits as DC was exactly the same and she’s an excellent sleeper now.

Bath with lower light is a great suggestion, might help calm them down a little bit. Might try that next bath time, thank you.

What was it that Churchill apparently said: the only way out is through! Definitely feels like that at the moment 😅

I have a baby, 2 yo and 5 yo and do after school by myself almost every day.

snack at pick up (always)

excellent bath toys (eg squirty soap or bath puzzle) they always want to get in. I have no time limit to bath time. I see it as a time killer. So we start early and usually they are in for 25 mins. I do the baby first or the baby at the end so they don’t get bashed around.
we then go straight to pjs and milk on the sofa watching ceebeebies bedtime shows like clangers.
bedtime is 7-7:30 I do the eldest first. They can then fall asleep independently. Baby next. Toddler takes an hour of hand holding to go to sleep.

tea around 5pm I let them choose what they want from my batch cook or fishfingers

shove everything in the dishwasher and put it on. Glass of wine as reward! Go to bed at 9pm

Well deserved glass of wine @Riverflow6 !

You say you start early, do you do bath before tea or straight after?

I used to do bath before dinner when it was just DC at preschool and reception and it worked well most of the time. No idea why I stopped and completely forgot it was an option. Only downside might be messy eating from baby.

Ive been seeing bath as a pain in the butt but you’re right that it could be a good time killer. Will use it more strategically tonight. Thanks for the reframe!

I think your bedtimes are quite early. Definitely when mine were 5, we weren’t even eating dinner til 6:30-7pm.

Honestly, I’d push the evening back a bit. This means you have time to get out of the house a bit in the afternoon, sign your 5 year old up for an activity or 2, go swimming, playground, do the food shopping. It makes it not such a long slog from 3pm.

Then start getting your baby into the bath just before 7. Dh comes home at 7 and does bath and bedtime with 5 year old. They both get 1 to 1 attention and quality time, and you aren’t spinning so many plates.

I used to get home about 7:20pm some nights when mine were that age. Dh would just be getting them out of the bath/shower (we had a bath and a shower so could do them at the same time). I’d take baby and do bedtime while Dh read with older one, then I’d go in with 5 year old to say good night once baby was asleep. It worked really well.

We’ve tried later bedtimes @mindutopia and so far it doesn’t work for either of them. They get overtired quite quickly, struggle to fall asleep at all and then wake repeatedly all night long. My mum thought it was early too until she did a few overnights with them and saw the difference for herself.
DP has very high sleep needs so I guess they must take after him!

I did notice with DC in spring/summer she seemed to cope better with longer nights so maybe it’s an exposure to daylight thing. But for now these bed times seem to work and they both sleep through and wake up happy, if it ain’t broke n all that!

Mine are 4, 2 and 10m, and I’m on my own about three nights each week. Currently still on maternity leave, which helps!

I try and prep some of dinner during the day either whilst we eat lunch or whilst baby naps. Even if it’s just chopping the veg.

We get the big one from school and all walk home, which is usually quite fun and kills quite a lot of time as it’s about 45mins to get back with the whole crew. Baby sleeps on the way there.

When we get in, I let the big two play (Lego or cars or something) whilst I change and feed the baby. They might continue to play in the living room whist I sort dinner. Sometimes middle or both big ones will want to sit in the kitchen as well and read or draw or “help” me cook.

After dinner, we have a little disco to put everyone in a good mood (usually works 😂) and then upstairs as early as I can swing it. Bath and bed takes me way longer on my own so I just start really early, at about 6.15 - I know this will be nearly impossible when I’m back at work.

All in bath at once, no rush, baby out and dressed first and crawls around, then older two will get themselves dressed and I do all the teeth. Feed baby whilst reading books. Middle goes to bed on their own. Eldest will not entertain sleep without an adult so I sit with him and feed baby to sleep, then creep off and put baby down.

Prep dinner earlier in the day. Or even better batch cook when you do cook so you don’t have to do it every day. Do dinner early 4.30ish. Don’t bath every night unless they are dirty and need a bath.

do older child’s bedtime story before you do baby bedtime. Consider a yoto box or audible on Alexa type thing for her to listen to when you do baby then come in and kiss her good night and either turn it off or leave it on a timer.