Toddler hitting help

[JJLondon]

Hi all, any advice would be amazing as I'm slowly losing the will to live! My little boy is 2 yrs and 3 months, and he can be the sweetest, kindest boy. However when he's tired or doesn't get his way he hits or kicks and nothing I've tried will help. I've tried "kind hands" songs and conversations; moving myself away and saying you hurt me and being sad, he'll give me a hug but will still hit/kick next time; and firmly saying no, thats not nice we don't hit. I've tried asking him why he's angry but he's too young really to tell me. He does this to other children too and I try not to take him anywhere near nap time to minimise it.

I've thought maybe this is an early sign of autism? Does anyone have any experience with this?

Thank you in advance ☺️

Yep, we had a hideous nine month period where I had to make sure I was within grabbing distance of my son at all times if he was near other children, as he would hit them if he was tired/they got in his space/wanted a toy near him etc. I watched him incredibly carefully for signs he was starting not to cope, and would then remind him to say "mummy help" if he was worried or mad. That was my cue to step in and stop any child that was trying to take a toy he was playing with, or remove him for a cuddle if it was just overwhelm. I'd also step in without being prompted and remind him to say mummy help next time. It had to be short as he had a speech delay and was already overwhelmed. When he hit/kicked at me I would bear hug him from behind so that he couldn't, and hug him and do deep breaths until he stopped thrashing around. No big explanations at this point - just I'm not going to let you hit or kick me. After we would have a hug and go over kind hands etc.

The good news is that he's now 4.5 and is great! But yeah, we had a really hard nine months from 2.5.

It's normal behaviour, if undesirable. Doesn't mean he's ND.

Oh and definitely make sure he's not tired before going busy places, and also not hungry. Give him a snack beforehand. If he's coming down with something and the clear snot has started then this was when my son was at his worst.

Thank you so much @Swaytheboat I'm sorry you had such a tough time of it. It can be really soul destroying, some days I cope better with it than others. He doesnt seem to do it at nursery thankfully, just when he's around us so I've been blaming myself. It is usually only when he's tired, so just before naps and after nursery/before bed. I'd like to try and stop it now before he gets any stronger!

It really does feel like you're doing something wrong, and that they will be like it forever and get worse. However, none of that is true. My little boy is now back to being funny and kind and very very rarely hits (and never without provocation).
My youngest is nearly three and I've raised her exactly the same as the oldest. No hitting from her at all. Just different personalities and frustration levels. So it's not you. And it will get better. X