Help! Bedtime

[Ilovemycat13]

So my nearly 10 month old goes down to bed pretty well usually between 1800-1900, depending on the day and naps.

Me and my husband do about 45 mins chill out time in his room before bed and get him ready, then he goes to make tea and do bottles etc and I put him to bed. I do maybe 90% of bedtimes but he does do them too so it’s not unfamiliar for baby.

Lasy night, I was putting him down when he was just inconsolable. Just absolutely screaming. Picking up soothed him, but didn’t solve it. Eventually my husband came in (I say eventually as he didn’t want to ruin any progress) and he calmed and went to bed with both of us here until he slept.

tonight, my husband put him down as my dad was here. We don’t tend to swap each night like I said it’s mainly me for routine. But he did the same - inconsolably crying until I came in and again we did it together.

its not parental preference as he did it to both of us. So what is this? Is this just a phase? I bloody hope so. He starts nursery in 2 weeks so any change in his demeanour is slightly stressing me!

any thoughts? Advice?

When does he wake up? That's quite an early bedtime.

He tends to go down between 630-7pm. Wakes at 6. It’s quite an average bedtime for his age I believe

Mine never went to bed that early, except when transitioning from 3 to 2 naps, I remember having to do an early bedtime a couple of times. Baby goes to bed after 7, closer to 8 mostly, always has since about 6 months (18 months now). Some babies don't need the full 12 hour sleep that the books and apps suggest.

The problem isn’t his sleep, it’s the fact he’s started needing us both at bedtime

For a 10 month old? It’s entirely appropriate.

I think both of you being there in his room for 45 minutes is unnecessary. It could be the fact someone is leaving that’s the problem. I’d tag team it. Each parent does every other night. It is likely a phase and there will be no other solution than just to ride it out. It will be over before you know it.

I’d tend to nit pick him up but try to soothe him lying down. Patting, shushing, singing etc. I discovered too late that the constant up and down was keeping my daughter awake and she just needed a few minutes to have a whine before she went to sleep. Is the crying just standard crying or is it inconsolable wailing, snot, red faced etc?

I think it’s a very early bedtime for a napping baby but as it’s been working that may not be the problem. I would try giving nurofen tonight in case it’s teething pain.

I agree it's an early bedtime. The average overnight sleep is 10-11hrs and as they age they often need less than the 12hrs books and charts would have you believe is the aim; this is often only what high sleep needs require. We found that our baby would protest bedtime and become upset when he wasn't tired and we were trying to maintain a routine that no longer fitted his reducing sleep needs, or as he moved towards dropping a nap/needed a later bedtime. We did also find that we had phases of this at particular times of development though too, so perhaps it will pass.

I appreciate the comments but this really isn’t about his bedtime time. He goes down between 630-7pm. He sleeps well, doesn’t wake in the night, and it’s a common bedtime for his age. This thread was about the last two nights going through a phase of wanting us both with him to sleep.

Could it be separation anxiety? I did the chair method/gradual retreat as this age - holding baby's hand, then pretending to fall asleep sitting next to them. Then when they were very calm, I would quietly say goodnight and leave. You gradually, over about a month (!) get them used to you putting them down, saying goodnight and just leaving. It's slow but gentle.

Mine is now 20 months and still sometimes wakes in the night, which is partly separation anxiety. I go in and rub their back and smooth their hair and shush them, same as I would if they were struggling to go to sleep.

I think it’s just a phase. I think you just need to continue taking it in turns to leave the room and have a period where getting him to sleep takes longer. He just needs to get through it and see he can sleep with either of you there.

I know it wasn’t the point of the thread but I think that’s an entirely appropriate bedtime. With a 2 and 8 month old…almost everyone I know with children have this bedtime

Thank you.
our method has worked this whole time.. quiet time all 3 of us and then dad says night and I place him down. He’s gone down without fail for months, so hopefully you’re right it’s just a phase. Interestingly, he tonight has vomited and has a temp. So he may have been feeling fragile.

and I agree re bedtime :-)