15mo still not settling with childminder

[Bookworm05]

Hello, I'm after a bit of advice please.

My 15mo has been going to a childminder two days a week since he was 10 months old. He still cries at every drop off, but most of the time is settled whilst there. The past couple of weeks he has been teething but has been happy at home, then as soon as I drop him off, he has been crying all day.

Would you look for somewhere else? And if do I presume the waiting lists will be very long anyway. I just feel dreadful leaving him! It doesn't help that my childminder doesn't send any photos or updates until either just before or after I've picked him up, which I understand as she is busy looking after the children, but it doesn't put my mind at rest.

Any advice gratefully received,
Thank you

How would the childminder sending photos make your child happier?

What’s your feeling about the child minder? How many kids does she have? What sort of routine does she do - is it similar to home? What was transition like?

i use to be a childminder and it is a difficult age to settle as they are aware you are gone but not old enough to explain you are coming back. But I would expect him to have settle by now.

What is he like generally when being left?

If he's generally quite robust then I think he just doesn't vibe with this childminder and I'd look for another one.

If he's very sensitive/suffers with separation anxiety/is generally high needs then I think you might find he'll struggle to settle anywhere.

Thanks for replying! The transition was two mornings, for an hour or two and it went really well. He was happy and really enjoyed himself. My mum looks after him one day and he is fine when I leave him.

I like the childminder but there are a few things that make me uneasy - the first one was that she didn't tell me she had dogs. I love animals but it just felt like something she should have told me about.

Another is that there are piles of discarded toys and rubbish outside her house.

The third is that her husband started as her assistant and my little boy really gelled with him. I haven't seen him since the first week or so. I just have a feeling that she took him on to increase her ratios to boost income, and once she had the children he is now doing something else. We are never allowed inside the house at all. It all just feels odd!

So many red flags here

Good question - it wouldn't. It would just set my mind at ease a bit during the day that he was happy.

This is odd.

I'd be anxious about all of these things.

Surely you're allowed in the house?

Op silly question but is she a registered childminder ? It does seem odd that you aren't allowed inside the house...when my sons were little I used to be invited in by the childminder. It does seem a bit odd

Red flags left right and centre. I’d walk away pretty rapidly. Not settling is in itself not concerning (our daughter cried at drop off until she left pre school to go to school and then started crying because she couldn’t go to pre school…). But everything else you’ve written about her is very concerning.

I wouldn't be happy with anything that you've put in your update.

We had to cancel my daughter's first childminder placement after her 3rd settling session left us with a bad feeling we couldn't ignore. I had to take 4 months unpaid leave until we could get her in with another childminder. It's a right pain but it had to be done.

I'd be worried too if I couldn't go in the house and about the ratios...

Thanks all, it is such a tough one but you're right, I've also had a bad feeling about it all, but the business has such good reviews from other parents etc. it all looks great on paper but I can't shake my bad feeling. I can't find the business name or address on the Ofsted website either
.. we were allowed in the house for the open day visit but that was all. I haven't been in since. We had another childminder lined up before this one but her business folder and we had to take this one at the last minute. Our options are very limited!

Re her ofsted registration - your local authority will have this information. Ofsted dont publish this information publicly for childminders because it reveals their home address and full name .

I would recommend speaking to your LA about vacancies in your area, they should have this data - if your CM accepts childcare funding though, they will be registered either with Ofsted or an agency, either of which is fine.

Hi @Bookworm05 I am in a very similar situation, even down to the ages! How is your DS doing now? What did you decide to do? Sending best wishes 😊

Hi @Carmello , sorry to hear that. It's really hard isn't it!
I talked about my concerns with his current childminder and she now sends me a message as soon as he has settled. There has been a good few days but then we've also had a few days where he has been teething and hasn't settled at all, and we have had to pick him up.

We visited another childminder and are going to start some settling in sessions. This childminder has also suggested that we keep him with both childminders for the time being and see where he settles best. I hope it won't confuse him though!

What is your gut feeling? My gut feeling is still that I'm not happy with his current one so I'm really hoping he settles with his new one.

I'd say start looking for a new CM. I know it's a pain b/c I've done it but sometimes it doesn't work out. It's a pretty intense experience for the LOs, similar to a job - sometimes you know you'll spend all your free time applying for something elsewhere.

TLDR:
DD1 had a childminder she loved - the two of them totally gelled - and in due course I sent DD2 (aged 10mos) along with her. DD2 was a chilled, easygoing baby but she never really settled at that childminder's. I knew the childminder and her setting well so I wasn't worried but I knew DD2 wasn't thrilled. We were allowed into the ground floor (big living room + kitchen diner across the back) where all the childminding took place except that naps were upstairs.
Unexpectedly the CM gave us notice (!) and I had to find a new place for DD2. I took the only one available and it was FAB. But, there were other DCs I knew who tried that CM and weren't happy. Again, I knew the CM well so I knew it wasn't her ...